Internet Nonanonymity

19:16 hrs. PASCAL IS ON HIS WAY to avail himself of a man on a bike two streets away. I cannot pinpoint whrefore, what or why but I feel a chapter dragging to its uneasy end as regards blogging. I no longer feel I've anything to say. And thinking back to hornets and most annoyingly Hoobs I feel distraughtly embarrassed. I have described this as a "secret diary online" but when you know you're going online you make the effort, even with your "journal intime" to keep certain standards. These are standards I have thrown, as so much else in life, to the four walls. As for my suicide attempt mentioned yesterday ... well if I knew you all in a day-by-day scenario (you know what I mean) I might feel gutted/shamed/exposed at having pretty blithely told of my sordid attempt alone at Christmas in a bath. As it is I don't mind you knowing. Please don't take this the wrong way and let me speak. We're all familiar with the syndrome: sometimes the stranger on a park bench seems somehow precisely the right person to offload on even (or most especially) than one's closest friend. As much as anything else, the stranger (assuming life's paths never again cross) won't remind you of your confessions at inopportune moments, won't blab them to your wider social circle ("Don't tell anyone this but:--...") and worst of all won't turn them into ammo against you in fights or fall-outs. Anonymity can be far more beautiful than it ever is alienating.

Perhaps the internet isn't truly anonymous. Perhaps (what am I saying: no perhaps about it):-- my every move in public is filmed on somebody's CCTV camera or other ... I was going to go into a rant here about modern Britain being all set up to become a totalitarian state but I shan't bother. Boiled frog syndrome is what it's called. The gradual erosion of our civil liberties by the Blairist government in the name of antiterror legislation ... &c, &c, &c ...

And I was going to rant about how awful British TV dramas compared to American but some other day, okay? Nighty-night my friends ... I don't know you at all and yet I feel I know you so well ...