HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, March 30, 2007

My Inflamatory Star Trek Views

RIGHTO, having had the pen & paper I labelled indispensable in that questionnaire some days ago, I've had time to ponder, muse, mull over, cogitate, examine, extracate and exhume thoughts of lasting value from my disordered mind. The full result is replicated in the following paragraph.



No, not this one, the one above this one and before the word "paragraph"-- don't you see it??!? There you go then. It's like that book I was going to publish, called The Innermost Thoughts of the Original Gledwood. Said title to be lovingly embossed upon hard covers for generations of readers to look upon and laugh at... This "lovingly" sandwiching about 200 pages of blank paper. The readers can add their own thoughts. And that book by any other title is called "blank notebook; unruled" or "artist's sketch book" but I doubt the publishers would stretch to nice enough paper to warrant the second; not with my name on the front ...

What WAS I going to say here? My mind has been turning over and over thoughts of abscesses:... ore, more to the point, MY abscess. It's getting a lovely soft head. And I have to go see the doctors who let me predict will NOT lance it and will prescribe flucloxacillin caps.

Aye here's the rub: let me say something INFLAMATORY to many people... STAR TREK IS CRAP.!!!

Before y'all rush to attack me in my commentary box, let me explain: as a kid in the 1970s/early 80s I loved the reruns of the original Star Trek with Mr Spock and Uhura and the minimalist Enterprise "boldly going where no man has gone b4". As well as being shot on beautiful film stock (so obviously NOT a cheap "videoey" picture), the whole thing had a delightully minimalist quality: no scenes full of extras, tightly plotted storylines, intriguing, convincing (to my 9 year-old self). I LOVED scifi at that age and my love of REAL Star Trek is one rare carry-over from that time to this ... Contrast with Next Generation Voyager rubbish Mother Hubbard and so many of my friends disappointingly not only tolerate but actually seem to like (they are not "trekkies" either). I cannot abide some of the ridiculous extras with Cornish pasties stuck to their heads. And Cap'n Kirk- sorry Luc Picard/whatever he calls himself walks past these people without cracking up laughing. Do they have a bakery on set to replace the sagging patties come mid-morning fag break? The whole thing has been drastically changed in character from stark/minimalist to over-busy with obviously lushious production values and even a glossy kind of technicolour character to the picture. Sorry but I so much preferred the Original true Star Trek. If I'm going to invest any force of imagination into someone else's fantasy, I'm sorry but it has to be well thought-out and thoroughly conceived, not to mention CONVINCING. As it is, I find the average children's TV puppet show like THE HOOBS more impressive than New Star Trek.

Now you can all rant at me in the comments box. Let's be 'aving yer. Come on!


mull over, ponder, make a pong, muse, consider

PS Click here to see baby Japanese Hornet grubs eating dead honeybees. Gross!!!

8 comments:

slaghammer said...

There…is……only one Captain….James Tiberius…..………..Kirk!
I am no trekkie but I did spend a fair amount of my childhood watching Kirk do his thing with the bad aliens and then do his other thing with the women. In the category of cool schlock, it just doesn’t get any better than that. The first few episodes of Next Generation, or New Generation or whatever the hell it’s called, appeared to be going somewhere but it ultimately turned into just another nighttime soap opera. While channel surfing, I still occasionally pause to watch Kirk do it again.

Arry Potter said...

I truly accept with your point. Star Trek has become more and more pain in the years... The original was good but slowly with many episodes it began to suck bigtime!!

www.formatnreload.blogspot.com

ggirl said...

Gled, please don't tell me you think William Shatner was a good actor? Don't get me wrong, though, I have some appreciation for the inadvertent comedy he brought to the series. Take care of your abcess. Live long and prosper.

IVY said...

please
stop by if you have time
i m going thru
very hard time .

Wayward Son said...

From the land of Ann Coulter, this is hardly inflammatory rhetoric but it is a nice try. It has, however, caused me to recall forgotten thoughts about a time long past that are the content of my new posting on CCP.There's a thought. Star Trek as regression therapy. Ha!


It is nice to find your rhetoric inflammatory and not your infections. Last fall I had on my "arse" seven similar and nicely sized infections. I thought I was going to have to name them but the antibiotics kicked in and they were
gone before I had a complete roster. One of the many reasons that brought the decision to quit to me. Just one of many.

Cheers, WS

Gledwood said...

Yeah man my Lone Grey Squirrel friend is right yous all a lot of pussies hiding behind your next generation whatevers unable to defend your paltry modern television habits.!!...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood