HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, August 01, 2008

African Pygmy Mouse; Mongolian Pygmy Hamsters...

JUST NOW I have cleared out my robotrotters' tiny toilet, the Italian Grated Hard Cheese (ie own brand Parmesan) tube latrine with washing-up liquid and lots and lots of water.

This I rinsed out into my own toilet's cistern until that was brimful with bubbles and yet the fresh water running out was foam-free and clear. It took a lot of rinsing...

Now the Trotters are glaring at me suspiciously and rambling 21 to the dozen on their wheel. Not even Baby Itchy will go into the latrine tonight (where she has been known to sleep on occasion ~ tawdry little swine that she is!) ~ it is too clean for them all and they do love scent-marking. My squealy observations, "you smell like a wee-wee!" are taken as compliments, pink ears and pink little noses all a-twitching...

Gazing at these ovel furries from on high, I see they are hammy equivalents of hatchback cars. A stubby of build and a little too short-looking for their own good. Makes me wonder how they ever balance, though they do. And their rotundness of body never stops them pinging about like crazy...

It is, after all, the Chinese year of the Tubby Hamster. In Vietnam they've gone so very crazy with the new trend of pet hammykeeping that the Communistic national government has actually banned these pets, saying such verminous face-pouched mini-rats do nothing for the good of society (what about shining the sunlight of joy with their nocturnal entertainment escapades~??) and harbour only diseases and fleas...

(These are the 2/3-of-a-rat-sized Syrian maxi-hamster, the traditional tubby so many of us kept in schooldays.)

I saw Woody, my personal wild Woodmouse again this evening. Pinging along the pavement and scurrying into a bush.. The European woodmouse, Apodemus sylvaticus, has bigger, poppier eyes than the common housemouse (mus musculus, the common housemouse, also the common white labmouse beloved of testers-on-animals worldwide and the same species as the "fancy mouse" of varied coats and colours so popular as a pet in times not too long past...) Woody Woodmouse has perkier ears and a droplet, rather than a bullet-shaped little body; and his natural coat is a chestnut mouse rather than the duller, more greyish mouse of the house mouse. To my eyes Woody appeared enormous ~ almost the size of a rat. But then again everything of the rodent persuasion appears enormous now I'm so fully roborovski-ized. Roborovskis are the smallest of all pet rodents, the tiniest (not to mention quickest and most highly-strung) of all hamsters. The African Pygmy Mouse is one of very few rodents who is actually smaller than the roborovski. In fact African pygmy mice are the tiniest rodents in the world... yet even these are no shorter in body length than a fullgrown robbie. They are only smaller because they're far, far slighter of build than the oval-tubby robo. You can watch one timidly testing a tidbit of cheese below...

VIDEO:
African Pygmy Mouse ~ the world's tiniest rodent ~ Nibbling Cheese
. 4 or 5cm in length, these are just a little shorter than the 5cm/2in-long roborovski hamster. Being far thinner, however, they're far lighter and slighter than the tubby roborovskis.



Another mouse-like critter has hit the headlines of late thanks to a scientific study on its drinking habits. The Pen-Tailed Tree Shrew. This is a tropical tree shrew, who seeks out alcoholic beverages in the form of fermentingly ripe berries by sniffing out their yeasty aromas, scuttling up to the groaningly over-ripe bush-bar and squatting on it's branches where he laps up the goodness with his tiny tongue until he has imbibed the equivalent of nine glasses of wine in human terms... Scientists are intrigued: how on earth does such a tiny furry hold his drink so well..?!?

VIDEO 2:
Sinead O'Connor: This is a Rebel Song (live)
This is one of my favourite Sinead vids.
(Ignore the title, btw, if you don't know it: this is NOT commie protest music, it's a song about being in love yet unable to share feelings... both nationally and personally...)




Food blog of the day: Debrueil Family Cookbook debreuilcookbook.blogspot.com

12 comments:

Lucinda said...

Reading about hamsters makes me wish I still had them. Right now I have a giant, 90 lb, golden retreiver. Not so handheld, but still quite cute... he also enjoys sleeping in the bathroom (however, it's my bathroom, so it's quite clean). = )

Gledwood said...

My Baby Itchy looks like a handheld West Highland terrier!

I've not had a proper doggie for years... too big and barky and demanding of walks un4tunately.

I wish I COULD have a dog... I really wanted an English Mastiff or a Rottweiler...

(especially a glossy jet black rottie...)

Queenie said...

Woooo, There as been an invasion of blogs here I didn't know which to choose. Everything sounds great Gled, enjoyed my visit will be back soon.

Eileen said...

Again, off topic but check this newspaper article out....just a warning...it's pretty grizzly.

http://www.thestar.com/News/Canada/article/471031

Mental I tell ya.

tut-tut said...

Hello! how are you feeling?

Isabelle said...

Love the hamsters. I prefer unbarky too - we have two unbarky cats. Do you have a garden, I wonder, or do you just listen to GQT?

Anonymous said...

I love reading about your hamsters and your words about the Pen-Tailed Tree Shrew made me laugh out loud!

Gledwood said...

Elizabeth I: oh yeah the blog invasion: basically the main one is HERE: everything else is just youtube screen collections. So that should simplify it out!!

Eileen: eeew that is grizzly! I heard about that b4; though it was not on our national news... also doesn't the guy look so clean-cut and not vicious?... like a would be Nirvana-type guitarist-person..?

Tut: fine thanks. i just got fed up poasting about druuuhhhhgzzzzzz

Isabelle: no I do NOT have a garden though I wish I had at least space for some POTS... I listen to Gardener's Question Time basically by default... though I do think they've got a bit "boundary-pushing" in recent times... know what I mean? Or am I just more of a fogey than a lot of the pensioners from the allotment societies..??

Anonymous: yes that is absolutely true about the pen tailed shrew you only gotta click on the highlighted words and you should get the gist of the news report I heard on Radio 4...

Nicole said...

I used to work with Sinead O'Connor's cousin.

Gledwood said...

Wow: what was he/she like..?

& did he/she say anything about Sinead...??

Stephen said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Alanna

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood