HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Furry Friday on Saturdays: Dunnarts



THESE PLUCKY LITTLE BEASTS (yes! from Australia) are the ones that emerge from burrow, have fight with funnel-web spider (and slay it), go off, tackle scorpion, crunching it stingless for breakfast... then mating season arrives and the males are so exhausted they all DIE within 2 weeks... and soon a new generation of dunnarts arrives to carry on the fun...

16 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

We breed 'em tough here...

Tea N. Crumpet said...

They are so cute-- why such hard lives?

Akelamalu said...

They have long tails! Did I tell you I don't like things with long tails? :(

Gorilla Bananas said...

The look on their faces is fascinating. Fear combined with sadism.

david drake said...

Hi Gled.

I'm familiar with your blog and comments from Molson's Hiking Colorado blog.

Hey, you heard from Molson recently? I haven't and was just wondering if he's okay. He usually comments over at my blog but I haven't heard from him in quite some time. I put a comment asking him same on his most recent post but haven't heard anything.

Thanks.

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: aye!

TeaNCrumpet: that's what "the wild" is like, I spose... (sad though, when you think about it...)

Akelamalu: which is why robos are so much cuter than sewer-mice!

They do need those tails for counterbalancing, or, in the case of harvest mice hanging onto things ("prehensile" tails)... which is why compared to mice, hamsters are such enthusiastic and yet crap climbers...

Gledwood said...

Gorilla: I never saw it quite that way but hey...

Minx: that's weird, innit..??!?

DD:

Vincent said...

Hi Gled, I haven't been reading much lately, sorry. Nic and I have gone through a rough patch and we've decided to each go our own way this year. Probably in December. At least we're still good friends.

I hope you are well :-)

Gledwood said...

I thought something might be going on... I hope all turns out well. Be lucky my friend...

;->...

Gledwood said...

;p[->...


wonder whether that means anything...?

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

What kind of radio stations do you think they can get with those ears?

Melody Lee said...

Those beasties are beyond cute! This is pertaining to your last post, I was fortunate enough to catch the pilot episode of #1 ladies dective agency last night. Even though I was a bit worse for wear (Espanola strikes again) I enjoyed it immensely. It was on 2X in a row so I managed to see what I missed the first time round. I was impressed and have decided to run out and purchase the books straight away.
On the subject of costume dramas, I re-watched The Madness of King George the other day and it was every bit as entertaining as I remember. I was somewhat disappointed in The Duchess but that's probably because I read the book. As is usually the case, the film omitted tons of details but on the whole it was ok. One of my favorites has to be Quills, I adore Jeremy Rush!
Oh and have you read A Treasury of Royal Scandals? It's hilarious and disturbing all at the same time...but then the best things usually are.
~Melody

david drake said...

Gled,

Nothing, huh. Gee I hope all is okay with Molson. thanks. stay in touch.

Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

what ARE these things, Gled? I mean, what are they called, dunnarts? or is that slang where you're from? i know nothing, enlighten me :)

Gledwood said...

Eileen/Reeny: a lot of 'em!

DD: no I heard nothing. I didn't leave the comment intentionally blank; just got distracted before posting it and had to run, hence a blank space...

Melody: I looked up the trailer of the Duchess ~ it looks good. I know it "from the book" because they read edited highlights every night for a week on BBC radio 4... I'm reading one of Marie Antoinette by Antonia Fraser. She's done a shit load of research to get that lot pasted together. I wish I could write books like that!

Telly: no they really are called Dunnarts and live in the Australian outback... unfortunately Youtube didn't have the spider-and-scorpion-tackling scenes... only dunnarts in a Japanese PET SHOP!

Melody Lee said...

My latest tat says Madalynn, it's my daughter's name.
That Marie Antoinette,is that the same that the movie was based on a couple years back? As far as that movie goes, it was visually stunning but I don't know that it held much historical accuracy. I would reccomend it just for the beauty of the costumes and scenery though, that alone made it worth watching.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

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Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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