HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Furry Morsels

THE TUBBY ROBOROVSKIS have been de-cluttered and now nest under a corrugated cardboard roof culled from a Christmas chocolate box in a kind of robo-favela, which smells of frankincense. Spherical is still highly annoyed at being called "Carrot Nose" but here's a picture of her (to the right) pulling her Carrot-Nose face. Yes it is her looky-likey. I'm not capable of taking photos as good as that, but all Robos look "the same" at least colouring-wise. Which is why I STILL get mine mixed up, specially Bashful and Itchy. Sergeant Bashful, as I call her when she's being "assertive" adopted the posture of a large aggressive dog leering over a garden gate and took to snapping at my fingers the other day. She's always trying to get an unauthorized nibble of me and I find it quite annoying.
To the top left you see "Baby" Itchy looking like a Furry Morsel. Look at that shot, imagine her deep-fried in crispy batter and you'll see what I mean. She is literally bite-size. Like a robo-chicken-nugget. Once, when she was rambling about on my hands and I called her "that" she took such fright she bunnyhopped half way across the room in utter terror. I don't know why. I WAS working on a video of me making an Itchy sandwich at the time, but apart from that she'd not have a clue I was thinking of having her for dinner...

11 comments:

Jeannie said...

haha! They do look like they'd be lovely with a nice sweet and sour sauce.

Gledwood said...

see. i was going to try and train Itchy to get picked up between chopsticks... imagine what a good video that would make..

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Put her in an egg cup. Man I would/wouldn't pay to see that!

Liz Hinds said...

What do you expect if you call her that?!! She heard you obviously. I hope you have made it up to her.

Last time I popped over your blog wouldn't come up but it has now. Obviously.

Syd said...

They are cute little things. I really think that Itchy doesn't look edible to me--she just looks like a little fuzzy rodent.

Akelamalu said...

Tell me you don't let them know you want to eat them! :0

Baino said...

Aww . . how could you think of such a thing let alone say it! They're 10 times cuter than the mouse that has taken up residence in my house! He jumps too!

Neva said...

What cute hamsters....although I had a chinchilla live with us for a few months.....decided I am not a fan of the little furry things that try to bite you with their sharp teeth. I was glad to see the chinchilla go back to where he belonged...his owner who had been traveling overseas.....
in response to the daughter's leg that you commented on...I hope she got the right treatment...she is currently in INDIA...which I would prefer she not be but at 23 who gets to tell their kid what to do? She says all is good but I sent her your comment so she knows where to go if/when she gets sick! hope all is well with you......

Bimbimbie said...

Don't be too sure of that Gleds Baby Itchy is wise to you - it's just her look "Hmmm you talking to me or about me?" gorgeous liddle face ... hers ;)

Gledwood said...

REENY: If I had an eggcup I would. They look really cute in shotglasses...

LIZ: YEAH I get that. Heavens knows why...

SYD: no I regretted saying that all night. Imagine the yukky flavour! Imagine the BONES!!

Gledwood said...

AKELAMALU: un4tunately they might have "guessed"...

BAINO: swines! No I heartily repent. Wish I'd never said it...

NEVA: thanks! Yeah: powdered antibiotics are the thing. They helped my girlf's leg when she slipped in my dysentry vomit no end...

BIMBIMBIE: very wise indeed. Hence the habit of hiding in toilet tubes "just chewing" whenever my nasty hand comes near...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood