HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Cairn/Imaal Terrier, Volcano Chaos, Liberal Democrats to Win!

I MET some Scottish people I know today and they said if I get a doggie I should go for a tiny terrier... like this golden cairn terrier pictured.

I know it's really sad but I still want a dog. Even though I shouldn't really keep one.

My only problem with a small dog would be, I would want to take it walkies everywhere I go, but would be compelled to leave it tied up outside supermarkets, druggieservice appointments etc... where I would be absolutely terrified the poor thing might get STOLEN. Doggieknapping is increasingly common these days. If I could, I would like to train the tiny trotter to curl up contentedly in a backpack with the zip half drawn... but knowing my luck, right in the middle of Morrisons the little swine would get the scent of freshly roast chicken, do a bound over the glass counter and start savaging the legs of the poor Indian gentleman who works there... Ooer!

The other sort of tiny terrier I like, in fact as small dogs go this these, in looks at least, are exactly what I think is cutest, are GLEN OF IMAAL terriers. Look at these tiny trotterdonkies here!

Bear in mind, before y'all accuse me of fickleness, that I said there are THREE types of doggies I like best. 1: large wolf-like dogs (Akitas) 2: medium-sized mop-head dogs (some water dogs, Disney-style mutt dogs) and 3: tiny terriers esp. Glen of Imaal or Cairn type. So there you have it.

And now we're on to the pesky Icelandic volcano that has brought flight chaos to the entire continent of Europe. Today the Royal Navy are cruising to Calais, northern France which if you're from faraway shores I suppose you wouldn't know is the traditional sea-gateway to Britain (via Dover)... where THOUSANDS of British businessmen, tourists, hen-and-stag partiers... etc etc have trekked by hire car, train (the trains are doing great business ~ you cannot get a Eurostar seat Paris-London till Thursday earliest)... one woman on the news even claimed to have spent 2500 Euros to travel in style from southern Spain to Northern France, where she is still stuck for lack of boat space...

This is all due to an enormous, mostly invisible (by the time it gets to British airspace) cloud of volcanic dust. Civil aviation authorities insist this dust could melt inside jet engines causing jumbo jets to fail and crash... and yet British Airways' chief exec, to name just one, claims to have been on an explorotary flight two hours into the Atlantic from London Heathrow in a jumbo jet... and NO DAMAGE AT ALL... which makes me wonder what's ACTUALLY happening.

All I do know is literally 100s of 1000s of people of all nationalities are stuck all over the globe unable to return home. Weddings are having to be cancelled... exams missed. Utter chaos. Not nice.

And all down to one irritable mountain over a thousand miles away!!

Here's some lovely close-ups of the eminently pronouncable Eyjafjallajökull spewing luminous tomato soup everywhere:

This report from Russian State television (in English)

And last but not least, in the current yawnsome general election SOMETHING INTERESTING appears to be happening at last...

Over the decades, British politics has transformed from a staunch class war, with hard left/hard right at it undoing years of one another's work in successive governments to a much more American-style system where the parties vary less on a communist-capitalist basis than a newer (to us) liberal-illiberal axis... People are totally and utterly fed up with New Labour, who amongst other things actually had the cheek to pass laws allowing motorists to be fined for parking violations weeks afterwards, if local councils happen to film the unauthorized parking on CCTV. I don't know why, because I don't even drive, but this really takes the biscuit for me. The relentless harrowing away at civil liberties. The sheer ignorance and folly. I think the librarians at the local library could do a better job of running the exchequer than that lot... Then there's ~ o man I can't even remember the smarmy git's name. Him. Posh Boy's conservative mob. Nobody really likes them. Their popularity was mostly an illusion inspired by protest against the status quo... Now something amazing is happening ... the THIRD PARTY, polyglot Nick Clegg's LIBERAL DEMOCRATS ARE IN THE LEAD! If this happens it will produce the biggest change in the political landscape for generations. It will all be for the worse, of course. But hey, at least it will be DIFFERENT for a CHANGE!

I have to say I do like Nick Clegg far more than Toryboy Smarmypants (still can't remember his name... o yeah DAVID CAMERON, that's him. Gordon Brown I cannot stand, as much because he cannot bear ever to be seen to be wrong, admit a fault or say he is sorry ~ and boy does that man have a lot to apologize for ~ and even though I disagree with many of his policies ~ e.g. "tax the rich". I want to be rich, and I don't wanna pay high taxes! I do hope in a way that they get in (it will have to be a multiparty alliance type govt anyway ~ Britain's first past the post election system, where the party is divided into constituencies, you vote for your local MP (never the leader) ~ the party with the most seats rules... all this will have to change in favour of proportional representation, which leaves the former top two sweating and weak at the knees...

WOW I can't wait for election day. I know the country's going to the dogs, at least it might go to Akitas and Glen of Imaal terriers now rather than pitbulls and staffs... know what I mean..??!?


Puss-in-Boots said...

Cute terriers...but I'm a big dog fancier, you know, like Great Danes, Irish Wolfhounds and the like.

As for that volcano...I heard it has a partner that's likely to start blowing its top, as it did back in the 19th Century...and did so for two years! If that happens, we haven't even seen chaos yet!

Elections, yeah, we have one this year, too. It seems like we have an election of some sort every year...from local govt, then State and finally Federal at the end of the year.

I've become very cynical about politician...no altruistic reason or wanting to make a difference, more like how much will I make...pah!

Baino said...

Wow that's a long post! You can train toy dogs to sit and stay. There's a guy near where I work that has a little something or other and it sits in a milk crate attached to the back of his bicycle quite happily.

I know a few people who have been stranded due to the volcano too. Better to be safe tho I just hope it calms down before I go to Paris in September!

Sorry, can't comment on the election. I haven't a clue about British politics . . then I guess politicians are the same the world over.

Nice to hear you sounding shite and briny!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Hiya, Gledds. My boyfriend has a cairn terrier. It is a really sweet, cute, and smart little dog.

Hope all is well.

Love you lots.


molson said...

Those short legged fuzzy terriers look like walking floor mops.

Gledwood said...


Syd said...

I like the Cairns. They and the Norwich terrier are my favorite of the terrier (terror) breeds.



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood