HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sopranos Dairy-Mouse Tune ...

NOT A HUGE AMOUNT to say today... my actual post is trapped somewhere cyberlike half-done until tomorrow... I was writing about the future of the English language so you can either sigh with relief at being spared THAT one a day longer, or piss your pants in anticipation. Ooer!!

Here's a video from Marianne Faithfull ~ I really like this tune, it is from the "ovular" (non-un-a-politically-differently-incorrect (is that arcane enough? surely I'm PC now!!) contemporary way of saying "seminal"... it's from Faithfull's seminal 1979 LP BROKEN ENGLISH...


Set to videomontage...

I WAS SHOCKED, in a 4am rerun
of Sopranos on Channel 4 (why did no-one tell me how good it was ~ I thought that show was daft comedy which is why I never bothered watching 1st time round, I mean what else can a man be, whose name is "Mr Soprano"..? Not a father, for one thing... I mean, surely, a male soprano is by rights a EUNUCH!!...

Anyway I was watching the episode where Tony Soprano's associate gets married and can only attend his own daughter's wedding on bail if he pays $400,000 for US Marshals to be at the reception with metal detectors and all...

... when I heard strains of one of my OWN SONGS being sung to the cutting of the wedding cake!
I don't think Andrew Lloyd Webber will be shaking in his boots, but this IS one of my most famous Hamster Songs ~

This is the song I used to sing Baby Itchy Roborovski when she was pinging up the clingfilm tube, popping out the other side looking "surprised" ~ as hamsters are so wont to do ...

Itchy's covred in fur
Itchy's covered in fur
She's a tubby dairy mouse ~
and she's covered in fur..!

How on earth did Hollywood TV producers get hold of my work?!?

rhyming slang: "it's all gone wrong"...
Pete Tong was a BBC Radio 1 DJ, famous for his Friday Night dance-music round-up...
I've seen the film ~ the story is too true ~ set on the "British" party isle of Ibiza, it tells what happens when it really does all go "Pete Tong"....

Here is a Gregorian chants version of yesterday's top tune by Desireless...
... ever so French!!

A no-nonsense video-edit of the same:

This is a bit chilled out for my taste... and it's another tune entirely... but it's quite nice

What a charming little ro-ro!

Stop Press: $1800 for a baby Norwich terrier?... What planet are these people on?...
The United States of America!

PS: No Norwich terriers to be found this side of the Pond, but Norfolks are about £400, which would be $600. Look at this tiny trotter! Is it because American breeders are trying it on..? Or are the tiny terriers cheaper here because they're indigenous to this island and thus more widely available..? What do you think..?

A rare Central European herding dog...
Anyone ever seen one of these? They seem even rarer than the elusive Norwich terrier!

Here's a blue-eyed huskie named Thunder having a little bay on his 4th birthday... and even doing some tricks!


Anonymous said...


Gledwood said...

Floor mops don't chase balls down the park, say "ro-ro" and fall asleep on your knee... and surely you mean Canine, not human~!~!

Anonymous said...


S Club Mama said...

sorry I don't have your email address or I would have replied to you via email.
When I read the Bible, I do all of the above. Sometimes I read a whole book or start at the beginning of the New or Old Testament & read for weeks or months. Sometimes I use a study (not often unless it's with a group). And there are times when I literally just flip open my Bible and read whatever page I come across.
I wish I was more consistent with reading my Bible. I know since I've had my kids (lame excuse, I know), I've been worse at daily reading. I'm trying very hard to get back into it - so far so good. :D

Gledwood said...

I wish I could give advice about studying the Bible effectively... some years ago, when I was staying with someone who was totally hostile to the idea, I found myself waking without fail at around 4am, when I had the chance to read the good book for an hour or more, before falling asleep with my head in the pages... I learned an awful lot in this period. Now that I have my own space the Bible reading has fallen by the wayside and I really feel I should resurrect it. They say God speaks via scripture and I miss the voice of God, know what I mean?...

Gledwood said...

O sorry anon, didn't notice your Akita through the washing machine comment... I would say it looks more like a smaller Hokkaido dog... a "Hokkaido-doodle" as they might call the appropriate crossbreed these days...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Hey Gledds,
I like Marianne Faithfull quite a lot, too.



Syd said...

I am surprised that there aren't any Norwich's available from breeders there. You might want to consider one that is a former show dog and older that needs to be placed in a companion home. They are really cute.

Syd said...

Have you tried this site? http://www.norwichterrierclub.co.uk/
It has a list of breeders.

And then here is a link to rescue groups:

S Club Mama said...

I definitely agree that God speaks through the Word. I mean, they are His Words. Every Scripture is God breathed, no matter that man wrote it down. With that and prayer, you can have one heck of a conversation with God!

Baino said...

Too much here for early morning but I'll come back, just wanted to say g'day!

Bimbimbie said...

Marianne and Sopranos in the one post, both are big favourites of mine
... enjoying your terrier research too*!*

Gledwood said...

S-Club Mama: I totally lost any belief in Christianity for a while though I always believed in God... at that time though I genuinely believed psychedelic drugs induced a "spiritual" experience... something that horrifies me now. No, if I want to be spiritual I'd rather get my experience from the Bible than some trip! And you're right about reading/praying being two sides of a conversation, I have never heard it put quite like that before :-)

Baino: G'day!

Bimbimbie: I love Marianne Faithfull's broken English period... as for the Sopranos, as I said, I never realized how good it was until they started showing repeats at 4am and it's fantastic!

Terriers: Porkshire terriers, Norwich terriers, cairn terriers... I have them on the brain!

BTW I tried looking for mutt-terrier puppies but found none online... don't know if I was using the wrong searchterms... it's not so much "breeds" I'm into I just want a very small golden mop terrier and it is important she doesn't get too heavy as I do want to try training her to hide in a bag, which you obviously cannot really do with a 20kg doggie, though a 6kg cairn terrier is a different matter and a 2kg porkie something else yet again so it's all down to practicality as much as anything else...

Gledwood said...

2nd from bottom, that Hungarian sheepdog ~ lanky, shaggy, unkempt ~ looks somehow reminiscent of ME..! ;->...



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood