HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Maltese Terriers

LIKE THE BICHON FREEZE (as I like to spell it)... Maltese Terriers are another sort of cloud dog...

This young lady's expression seems to say, "I am queen of the daft looking cloudies"!

Weighing in at 1.8 to under 3kg, they are among the tiniest of all terriers ~ smaller, even than many porkies:

Famous for their long fur, which can grow to ridiculous lengths:

They actually look far better ~ in my opinion ~ in a so-called "puppy" fur-cut. This, by the way, is a fully adult doggie:

Look closely: again, this ain't a puppy, just another "puppy cut"!

This is what an actual Maltese terrier puppydog looks like... how amazing!!



Janice said...

Cute, but I'll never own one, I'm allergic to dogs. Dang it.


Akelamalu said...

I don't particularly like terriers I prefer larger dogs. :)

Jeannie said...

They're adorable but I'd be forever afraid I'd step on it. The miniature poodle we had for 18 years was bad enough.

Gledwood said...

Janice: Allergic to pet-fur!! No!! That would be intolerable. Apparently Tony Blair's wife, Cherie, had a severe reaction and said compulsory summer breaks with the royals at Balmoral were a nightmare... fur everywhere ~ not only in the shape of corgis, but stuffed moose-heads on seemingly every wall... and so on. ;->...

Akelamalu: I know what you mean. I used to hate yappy little dogs, especially "toy" breeds.... I used to think "why not get a cat?!" ... I would have loved a giant Japanese wolf-huskie, but space is so limited it would be ridiculous and the poor swine would be too cooped-up. So if I DO want a dog it would have to be a little one really. I always thought "scruffy" looking terriers ~ like the cairn type were cute but still don't like those handbag dogs, pomeranians &c... (I only want a dog to go in a bag to hide, so it won't get nicked from outside Sainsbury's.... y'know...

Gledwood said...

Jeannie: They do look cute... as I was saying I never used to like dogs like this... but there is something to be said for if you're going small you might as well go tiny!!!
If I did get a dog I would probably get a mophead mutt terrier I 'xpect, anyhhow...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

The puppies are cute!

My dog was already potty-trained when I got her, Gledds. We got her from a rescue shelter. She was nine months old.



Gledwood said...

I think most animals have an instinct to toilet train themselves, otherwise they'd be doing weeeze and pooze in their bed, which hardly seems natural... know what i mean...

Syd said...

Cute little things.

Gledwood said...

I'd get beaten up if I got caught walking a doggie like that in my local park...

... (and so would the dog!)

Gledwood said...

note to self:

this is my msg to the bichon frise friend of the bichon frise via roaming with mary

Hi Remington! I just jumped in here via some of the other doggie blogs I found via a friend's site... do you mind my asking what breed you are? You look a bit like rottweiler crossed with some sort of water-dog... but what the breed would be I've no idea...

bermudabluez said...

Hi there! Yes, my two dogs are both bichon frises. My big guy is a labrador / newfoundland that I adopted from the humane society. Thanks for stopping by my blog! You have some interesting things here!!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood