HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Britain goes to the polls....

FINALLY I'M IN AN ELECTIONAL MOOD... and that's a good thing because...
IT'S GENERAL ELECTION DAY TODAY!... Polling stations opened early this morning and close at 10 o'clock tonight, after which votes are counted. A new prime minister (or the return of the old one) should be announced by the early hours of tomorrow morning. If David Cameron wins, he will drive to Buckingham Palace where he will ask the Queen for permission to set up a new Government. He will be installed in 10 Downing Street and the new Government will be up and running by tomorrow.

If Gordon Brown gets in again (no comment) ~ obviously not a lot changes.

But the result may well be a hung parliament, with no one party in absolute control... in which case I'm not entirely sure what happens. I think it means we'll have Gordon Brown as prime minister, but a watered-down coalition with Liberal Democrats having a say in everything, which will be interesting...

This is a paid advert on Youtube today ...
David Cameron is Eton and Oxford educated... a bit of a posh boy but the housewives loved him... (till they saw Nick Clegg: see below)

theoretically central; in today's climate the most left-wing of the big three. I like Nick Clegg, but not his policies of taxing the rich (I wanna be rich!) or scrapping Britain's nukes ~ which would only lose us a place at the world's top table...

ruling party's "road ahead" election broadcast

UKIP (no chance of getting in, but will accrue lots of protest votes; right of centre; wants Britain out of European Union)

GREEN PARTY (another good protest vote ~ as this points out, no matter who gets in tomorrow, nothing will change...)

and I nearly forgot! (you can tell how high on my priorities this lot are...)
BNP British National Party ~ anti-immigration and the like
This audio broadcast was refused airtime by BBC Wales


Jeannie said...

I guess you'll know by now - my little news feed (canadian so not updated much for UK) says the Cons likely in.

I used to be fascinated with the similarities in languages. Still am I guess but not enough to pursue it. I had a dictionary once that showed how they developed.

Gledwood said...

We went on holiday once to an old house in Wales full of books (this was the 1980s, when holiday home owners could still trust their guests not to run off with the free literature)... anyway there was this old red book called Comparative Philology which kept me rivetted with details of how the "Ayrian" languages, as the author called them (I think he meant Indo-European) related one with another. It was absolutely fascinating

They're saying, at 10 to 3 in the morning, that a hung parliament seems likely

(I don't know what to say about that)

Syd said...

So Labour is more like our Democratic Party, or perhaps even more left than that, right? Just curious as to how the party system compares to the US one.

Bimbimbie said...

Lets hope who ever gets in has full majority otherwise nothing but debates will occur :(

Baino said...

Who has elections on a Thursday? Ours are compulsory so at least you have to turn up and get your name ticked off and are almost always on a Saturday! I dunno . .we had 10 years of liberal coalition government . . no heartbreaker.

Akelamalu said...

I see Gordon's still hanging in there! :(

Gledwood said...

Traditionally Labour would actually be to the left of the Democrats, unless the Democrats had a left wing who called each other "comrade"! But the Conservative party does seem to be broadly equivalent to the Republican party. Labour is now a capitalist party with liberal values... not at all what it used to be.

Why Thursday? So people can take half days off work to vote, I expect!

Yes I think Gordon will hang in till the bitter end :-(

Nothing but debates? That sounds horrible :-(...



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood