HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ĉar mi amas esperanton...

MI kunigis espterantan retklubon hodiaŭ, kaj mi trovis diversajn paĝojn kaj rettagolibrojn en la lingvo internacia. Mi ŝerĉas bonan vortaron, sen sukceso. Mi esperas povi skribi esperante fluante en kelkaj monatoj. Ĉu oni komprenas min?...

Angla-Esperanta vortlisto: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/16967/16967-h/16967-h.htm

Did anyone get any of that? Many years ago I learned a bit of Esperanto, but I was at school learning three other languages anyway so my head was a bit crowded out. Esperanto is said to be very easy to learn and indeed for most Europeans this is probably true because the vocabulary is a mixture of Romance and Germanic with a tiny bit of Greek and Slavonic chucked in for good measure. Esperanto grammar is quite regular, but the language insists on making distinctions that I'm sure many people ~ and not just native English-speakers ~ would consider quite superfluous. Grammatically speaking Esperanto is NOT the easiest language I've come across. That honour would go to Thai. It's no coincidence that Pidgin English comes from East Asia:

Two girl go market buy chicken; no chicken there so go home come back next day get fat chicken.
Du knabinoj iris al la vendejo aĉeti kokidon; sed tie ne estis kokido, tial ili revenis hejme kaj aĉetis grasan kokidon sekvantatage.

Esperanto was originally concocted as a solution to the language problem in Europe; only later was it proposed as a world language. There are said to be as many as two million Esperanto speakers worldwide, but I suspect this estimate to be overoptimistic. Esperanto has never been adopted as an official language by any country. You would think the European Union could save themselves a great deal of trouble by insisting that all delegates learn Esperanto instead of laying on full conference-interpreting facilities in TWENTY-THREE languages. Then again I shouldn't diss the EU for this ~ that university site I was looking at in Mainz pointed out that EU-translators can earn 70,000 Euros. Now that would be a tasty pie to bite!

Back in the 1980s the Esperanto Associo de Britio sent me a spattered timetable of Esperanto broadcasts on shortwave radio. Now I had a decent radio set, and yet I don't recall ever managing to tune into a single one.

Esperanto has come into its own in the age of the internet where people who would never otherwise be able to talk one to another can share the common ground of a "planned language" that belongs to no-one and therefore welcomes everyone.

Do I think Esperanto will ever take off? It would solve a great many problems if it did. But I think people enjoy problems a lot of the time, so my answer is NO...


Lernu: lernu.net
Universala Esperanto Asocio: uea.org

ĉ ĝ ĥ ĵ ŝ ŭ !

Kun subtekstoj
The folks talking here sound suspiciously like native English speakers (listen closely to the vowel sounds) ~ twisting their tongues over Espeanto's clustrous consonants...

And last but not least: here's a little dog at the barber's...
Notice how relaxed it is... Someone once said Norwich terriers "were far from the front of the queue when canine beauty was handed out" ~ what a perverse thing to say! This little doggie is beautiful!


Jeannie said...

I think my Dad learned some esperanto during WWII. He talked about it a lot but I have to say that you are the first person since to even mention it. For that reason, I think it unlikely to be adopted. It will be the majority language that will be chosen. English maybe but it is losing precedence - so Spanish or Japanese or one of the Chinese languages is more likely.

Gledwood said...

I reckon it'll be English. Chinese is too obscure. The writing is too complicated. Simplified Chinese characters are a travesty ~ Chinese without characters would be like Rapunzel without her hair ~ a sin against nature. English it has to be. English is far superior to Spanish, too!

Syd said...

I like the little terrier. Definitely cute.

Gledwood said...

wHAT ON EARTH they're doing to the poor little furry I don't quite understand ~ "stripping" the old coat. But it looks like the poor little doggie's back is practically BALD~!!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ You are sure into languages and seem very keen to learn and then earn from them. The
very best of luck my friend.

I have never had anything to do with waste disposal units, but doubt they would suck me in. It could have waited until he was finished his shower and was dressed.
Take care, Regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Oui, ja, ja, jes, hai, yeah!

I've never had "waste disposal" either ~ it was all the rage amongst the more bourgeois kids' parents at primary school in the late 70s/early 80s, I remember that ~ but what did it DO? Make weird noises and constantly threaten to block the sink, from what I recall!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood