HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Chatterday Saturday: Quiz Time!

CONTINUING the theme of language, culture and geography here's a really easy quiz: study the picture carefully. (Each image represents the name of a country or the language spoken in it.) Answers in the comments box, please!

1: come on this is easy!

2: nowhere is named after a statue of a giant albino peacock, but there is a country called...

3: think about it! Name of a language...

3B: I thought you might confuse what's in the pot (question 3) with this ~ then I realized what a glaring omission I'd made by leaving this out... Come on! You definitely know this one!

4: OK we're starting to get more obscure. What is this item made of?

5: C'mon, think about it!

6: this is the meaning of a country's name

7: C'mon! You know this one...

8: This vegetable is really nice mashed up with black pepper and gravy in wintertime... Yes, and a nation name themselves after it!

9: Easy-peasy!

10: Last but not least... Very nice cookery is associated with this picturesque and mysterious land... and the national language is called...?



Timon said...

Since you're studying (not only) German I'm gonna go ahead and leave my 2 cents in German ;)

Erstens bin ich der Timon von kulturweit (aus Patagonien) und zum Thema ob man Walisisch spricht hier: Eher nein ;)
Es gibt zwar südlich von Bariloche einige Dörfer die von Walisern gegründet wurden (Trelew soweit ich weiß und Esquel), allerdings spricht da kaum jemand noch Walisisch. Spanisch ist halt überall Umgangssprache.

Zu den Ländern:
Eins und Zwei hab ich. Ist ja auch nicht schwer ;)
3 - keine Ahnung. Deutschland? Und was in aller Welt ist 3b???
4 - Mittelerde? leather and metal? Fällt mir ja spontan Argentinien ein :D
5 - Ich hätte ja China (rot) gesagt, aber das hatten wir ja schon ;)
6 - the country I currently live in.
7 ist einfach, aber
8 - was ist das denn überhaupt? cabbage? kohl? potatoes? Beets? Beetroot? Root beer? mash? "Mashopotamia"? :D
9 - got it.
10 - nice ;)

5/10 wenn ich richtig gezählt hab. Könnte besser sein...

Timon said...

I think I just solved number 4. Go me!

Akelamalu said...

Errr #2 Turkey?

e said...

Good luck with your language studies, and getting your German up to snuff... I'm attempting to do the same with my Spanish and learning French...Your quiz looks like fun, too. I'm not sure how you found my blog, but thanks for visiting. Did you ever replace your Chambers after the first was stolen???

Ellee Seymour said...

This is fun, and I like your clue for Thailand :-)

Many thanks for your comments, btw.

Gledwood said...

THANK YOU for your comments so far folks!
But please, someone, try and answer each one methodically

Here's the answer form:


Z said...

Okay, I'll give it a go

1 China
2 Turkey
3 German
3B Greece
4 Morocco
5 Finnish
6 Argentina
7 Ecuador
8 Swede(n)
9 Iceland
10 Thailand

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

O wow!... Not that I'm suggesting for a moment that you might have got one or two right ..!

Come on everybody show you can beat her: answers on an electronic postcard, please!!

Closing date, one minute to midnight Monday going into Tuesday ~ so we still have a day-&-a-0.5 to go...

Best of luck everyone {;-0...

Gledwood said...

Sorry e I forgot to answer your points.

Good luck with the German: thanks. You sound like you're at the same sort of level as me (post higher school certificate) you're probably fihnding that unless you want to do specific business/legal/medical/whatever it's hard if not impossible to find textbooks because you've outgrown them. I started off reading German news magazoines, which are like Time/Newsweek crossed with Sunday colour supplements; then I got hold of a book I'd always wanted to read, which is a memoir of teenage drug addiction. Every single word I wasn't 100% sure of I wrote in a notebook in order with page references, and I copied it with its translation every time it appeared even if this involved repeating myself 40 times ~ this meant I had a handbook I could use to read the book back, referring page-by-page to every word I didn't know. This is what millions of foreigners do every year to learn English, so I consoled myself with that... Anyway after this my German has improved a LOT, in subtle ways, but it no longer seems so "foreign" ~ sometimes I find articles or videoclips online that I understand nearly every word of. I try to do some German every single day.

What I really need to work on now is actively expressing myself. My written German is too bad for words... I think I'm going to have to start commenting on German blogs and hope the owners don't laugh themselves to death..!!!

Did I ever replace the Chambers? NO! I use online dictionaries now, but I badly need a proper print version... Chambers is the only English dictionary I know that groups definitions etymologically ~ so you find bronchitis under bronchus. This gives a far better understanding of the root meanings of unfamiliar words, I have found. Also it's excellent for rare little words from Scots and dialect ~ I think that's why Scrabble players find it so indispensible.

How did I find you? I can't remember whose blog it was, but I got curious and jumped out of their comments into someone else's, and I think I found you commenting there... and here I am ;-)...

Timon "el loco" said...

Okay, so drawing upon what Z said, here's my final lsit - if I'm allowed a second guess :)

1 China
2 Turkey
3 Germany
3B Greece
4 Kuwait
5 Finland
6 Argentina
7 Ecuador
8 Sweden
9 Iceland
10 Thailand

So as you can see, that list is almost identical to Zs with the exception of number 4 - I think the clue here is the material the book's made out of: leather, which is (bei Lichte betrachtet) cow hide. It's not a long shot to Kuwait from there.

Syd said...

I'll go with what Z wrote. Makes perfect sense to me. Good quiz.

Gledwood said...

Thanks for the entries: NOBODY has been 100% correct by the way!!!

Z said...

Hm. Then I'll change my answer to 3 to Polish, please.

Gledwood said...

***are you SURE about that?!**


(no comment)

Liz said...

1. China
2. Turkey
3. Dripping (it's just to the west of Turkey)
5. Taiwan
6. Latvia
7. Equatorial New Guinea
8. Sweden
9. Iceland
10. Thailand

Oh look the verifier is felLIZ!

Gledwood said...

Thanks Liz
C'mon people: roll up roll up ~ less than an hour and a half left!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood