HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Magnus Bread

I HAVE BEEN EATING ultra-wholemeal Polish seedbread... Very bourgeois... very nice.


Usually I eat Hovis bread. Crack open a fresh pack, put your nose in ~ mmmm! That lovely malted wholegrain..!



It goes really lovely with Lurpak unsalted butter...



Last week I survived almost solely on fishfingers sandwiches... Unlike this one though, not dripping with baked beans!!!



Today I bought CREMA DI NOCCIOLATO ice cream: "hazelnut ice cream with nougat sauce (17%) and hazelnut pieces" ~ a bargain at £1.79 from Lidl.





Here's a tiny doggie film:
TWO NORWICH TERRIERS DOGGEDLY PLAYING AT HAVING A FRIENDLY LITTLE SAVAGE ON AN AMERICAN LAWN...






For those of you interested in a mysterious dialect moo'd by black-&-white cattle, here are some literary works written in the same... a couple of links I stumbled across yesterday on a Dutch website for literature in the Frisian tongue...

Frisian literature link: http://www.sirkwy.nl/intro.html

Article on Frisian literature with links on UbA blog Nederlandse taal en cultuur: http://vakreferent.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/sirkwy-digitaal-portaal-naar-friese-letteren

Polish Village Bread ltd company website: www.polishvillagebread.co.uk/en/manchester/products.html

17 comments:

Jeannie said...

I love how you love your food.

Gledwood said...

I do... I also had nothing better to post, but don't tell anyone!!

Janice said...

The bread looks yummy. I bet its good toasted with the unsalted butter. Do you use mayo on your fish finger sandwiches?

Janice~

molson said...

Those trotter terriers are some vicious little furballs.

Gledwood said...

Hi Janice! Sometimes I use mayo, just for a change; but generally I prefer fishfinger sandwiches with tomato ketchup and loads of freshly-grated black pepper...

Gledwood said...

Wow Molson's online commenting at precisely the moment I keyed in that message to Janice... yeah, those glittery-eyed mop-heads with teeth like a good little savage, don't they, ha-haargh!!

Apparently Norwich terriers were bred as pest-controllers, so you have to be well careful with your roborovskis, else they might "mistake them for prey" as the fansites diplomatically put it. In otherwords they pick them up with their fat boze and give them a good toothy savage! The swines!!

Gattina said...

I love bread and real good one, not the one which tastes like a tasteless chewing gum !
To Brussels, of course there are lots of laws now to protect every historical stone ! You cannot do what you want now with an old mansion or castle or whatever. But I was talking of the 60th and it really had started in the 50th were whole districts were demolished for the world exhibition in 1958. a little what happens now to London ! and remember the story when the Millenium thing was built ? I just was there when the discussions started. I think it had been a flop.

Gledwood said...

That Millennium Dome is now called the O2 Centre ~ apparently the most popular live music venue in the world! It "only" holds 20,000, so artists find it easier to sell out than Wembley Stadium, which I think used to be 50,000 or more...

Those glass buildings look newer than that, so at least that's something the old govt. did well ~ predicting the way ahead.

But can you imagine the French govt. ever doing that to Paris..!?

I don't hate all steel-&-glass. I iust think most old brick/&/or/stone looks better ;->...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

The ice cream sounds YUM!

Syd said...

It all looks good to me. I lived on fish sticks when I was a kid. I remember that I could eat them for every meal. I still love any kind of fish sandwich. Now you've done it....I might have to have one for dinner.

If I lived closer to you, I would find you a terrier and give it to you. And then keep it for you when you were in school or busy. I can see that you are craving a dog companion.

Margaret Cloud said...

Sounds like someone is on a diet. I enjoyed the doggie vider, very cute. Thanks for coming by and commenting on the ghost post.

Gledwood said...

SB: I think the Dutch have the best expression for it, that it's wel lekker! Delicieux/whatever. YUMMEE!!

Syd: O yeah I want a tiny terrier. I am hoping to find a tiny shaggy golden one, bulbously pregnant, whose owners will give away a tiny golden-furred touseled baby... Yeah you reminded me, I mighht try other sorts of breaded/battered fish in bread. Cod in batter with diddly roast potatoes and baby tomatoes with lemon juice and black pepper...

Margaret: those doggies really enjoy a good savage, don't they!!

Akelamalu said...

I have a breadmaker and wake up every morning to the smell of freshly made granary bread! Delicious. :)

Bimbimbie said...

I loved the taste of Hovis, that Polish bread looks very moreish*!*

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: I never even thought you could make granary in one of those. Once I did buy multigrain bread mix, with the intnetion of making wholemeal dumplings. But it didn't work bc dumplings are bicarb-based. This was yeast-based. And I didn't realize you have to leave yeasty bread in a warm place for an hour and I'm still not sure bread mix makes dumplings.

Anyway, then the mice sneaked into my socks drawer, where said flour was stashed. And ate nearly ALL of it! I gave what was left to the roborovskis.

When I was a student I used to share a flat with someone from Hong Kong who had fresh rice every morning in something that looked like a bread maker. (But wasn't.)

Bimbimbie: the Polish bread was gone very quick! Can you get Hovis in New South Wales?

Akelamalu said...

Breadmakers are very versatile Gleds - you can even make muffin dough which you then bake in the oven! :)

Gledwood said...

I'd like to have a go at my own bread. I once did when I was hungry and only had white self-raising flour and margarine. I managed to make plain, sugar-free biscuits. But "bread" it was not..!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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