HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

No drugs for dinner

I'M HUNGRY...


Not for that...
I've food on the brains.



These Fox's Viennese chocolate melts...



...were very nice dunked in tea the other morning.


Flapper usually isn't far from his cherry tree or the neighbours' luxury TV aerial 10 houses down. When he sees me he takes off... Flapper by name, Flapper by nature...


Chinese chicken curry is calling my name!
But at £6.20 with egg fry rice it's too expensive, and it's too late in the day for a combination box...


So I'm going Southern Fried instead!


15 comments:

Mike Golch said...

Now you gone and made hungy as well.Chio!

Gledwood said...

The chicken was really nice. They actually had breast pieces in there, which is unusual for cheapo chicken shops. The chips were soggy and horrible. I've had wet cardboard that was more palatable!

Jeannie said...

Food seems far more expensive in Britain than over here. Don't recall the last time I ate KFC. Won't likely want it for a good long time yet either. But compared with the Chinese, I'm sure it's a bargain and I would change my mind pretty quick and not be such a snob.

molson said...

The Chinese chicken curry looked much better than the UK southern fried chicken with drippy soggy chips. Are drippy soggy chips the only side you get with the UK southern fried chicken?

AnnaGrace said...

How do you always get so many photos on your blog, but don't bother to put one of youself up on the blog. You know what I'm going to look at all your blogs and I'm hunting for a photo of you.

Just so you know I don't give a fuck what you look like, I'd still love you if you were 500kilos, and not a tooth in your mouth, bald as a cue ball.

I'd go for the fried chicken. Chicken and chips are very good. You call french fries, chips right? That's so silly to me. When I move there with you, you will have to get used to calling them french fries. Even though I'll mimic you accent uncousiously. You must be terrified of me moving myself half way around the world to live with a man I don't know who dosen't even want me for a roomate. I swear I'd pay half the rent. Just so you know.

Gledwood said...

JEANNIE: food is definitely more expensive ~ e.g. the McDonald's $1 menu was £1 and double cheeseburgers are now £1.29 ~ also if you want just a Big Mac or Whopper it is something like £3 ~ yes FIVE DOLLARS just for the burger hang on maybe that is the meal... I wouldn't know it's too expensive. They had the temerity to put up a TV ad saying "Indian?... Chinese?... MacDonalds!" Every time I hear that I think to myself what better value Chinese is. The combination box is chicken curry/egg fry rice in one large container for just under £4. Still I am offended. Back in the day when I first got addicted to chicken curry egg fry rice it was £3.20... I will never forget the time I trusted an idiot's partner to get it for me... came back with BOILED RICE ~ still unforgiven 18 years later!!!!!

The chicken wasn't KFC it was cheapo slightly spicier alternative. Cannot for the life of me remember the shop's name they're all the same

MOLSON: you can also get chicken strips in a bun, which I wish I had now. Also coleslaw. But mostly it's combinations of chicken & fries. The reason they came out horrible is the Mauritian woman serving didn't fry them properly. They're meant to be dunked x2 and I'm sure she only did x1

ANNA G: yeah they do call it fries on the menu but at home people say they got "chips". Over here Fries usually mean industrial chips that are skinny and not as nice. Fish and chip shops do thicker chips crispy on the outside fluffy on the inside.

Re photographs I use wikisource ones you know that people put up as freeware and anyone can borrow. That's how I get such close-ups of pigeons who look like Flapper. i would be out all day otherwise like a stalker, probably being arrested for taking pictures of the neighbour's roof etc etc

Forget London this is my idea, we can do New York. I will save the airfare by doing temporary body swap with Flapper and gliding across. We can get an apartment in a brownstone on Central Park West. The San Remo building would be good. Otherwise a big huge industrial loft in that cool area that is like Covent Garden/Soho ~ Alphabet City? I would like to go down New Avenue L where the Portuguese women come to see what you sell...

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Thank you so much for the B'day greetings. I had a great week with lots going on, visitors and cards etc. And the lovely flowers my granddaughter sent me with
the teddy bears.
I hope you are doing well yourself. Being hungry might be a good sign.
Take care, my friend, Cheers, Merle.

Caren Erin said...

New York sounds perfect. That's a great way to save air fare, but how am I going to get there? Ride your back?

Now where is the flppin photo? Are you flapper, you are putting photos of your self up, and if you look in flapper's eyes you have photo shopped a picture of yourself in it and it just looks like a reflection in his eye barley noticeable. So you have to look real close. I'm on my over to see if my creative idea is true.

This is from Anna Grace Young, I''m posting under my mom's blog. Which btw she only has one post.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love fried chicken. An excellent choice, that.

Love,

SB

Gledwood said...

Anna G: here's what I look like. Highlight this link and drop into the top bar and you'll see. With complete biography of myself...

http://www.heroinhelper.com/bored/celebrities/Kurt_Cobain.shtml


Merle: I'm glad you had a good day and I'm sorry I haven't been round for a while ~ whenever you post the Blogger Follower facility is suposed to flag it up, except it never seems to. I get blogs about flowers and cakemaking but never the ones I really want on it. I think some e-spring-cleaning is required...


CE: yeah but Anna those pictures of Flapper are only lookey-likey ones, unless I turned into a poltergeist and mystically took them via someone else's body. I dunno... Note some "Flapper"s have more rainbowy neck. The actual flapper looks just like the bird landing on the pine tree on the Where's Flapper post. Flapper has no rainbow feathers at all, but a prominent white sash on the neck. I think the semi-rainbowy Flappers are some sort of crossbred pigeon. Flapper is a proper Wood Pigeon, not a street pigeon. Also he has been cooing away ALL DAY driving me nuts, the feathery swine!!


SB: yesterday they looked at me all weird when I came in saying I'll just have chicken burgers, no chips. I didn't tell them their chips are crap. They probably know that anyhow...

AnnaGrace said...

GLEDWOOD!!1

I'm dissapointed that you led me to a Kurt Cobain site. I like you not Kurt Cobain, I want to see you.
Dosen't it hurt more when someone says their "dissapointed" in you as apposed to their "mad" at you.
Well, I do like Kurt Cobain, but he's dead, and I know you have photos of yourself so just let me see.
Do you think I'll be scared off or dissapointed that you look diffrent than you described yourself? Believe me I really don't care what you look like. I'm just beyond curious.(spelling erros I'm sorry there is no damn spell check for comments)

I'll send you a naked photo of me if you send me a just a regular old headshot of yourself. just e-mail it to me. younganna@ymail.com

sally in norfolk said...

glad you enjoyed your chicken... :-)

Sandis said...

How do you always manage to get so many photos on your blog. I hope you are doing well yourself. Being hungry might be a good sign.

Syd said...

Nothing like some southern fried chicken. My mother used to make the best!

C. lalis said...

By watching these pics I am too going hungry. This seems to be very yummy foods and snacks.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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