HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, November 27, 2010



Dunnarts are the tiny warriors of the Australian outback

There are 10 species of Dunnart. This is the fat-tailed dunnart Sminthopsis crassicaudata

Although they're tiny and shy, they love fighting with deadly spiders!

Their favourite breakfast is a "juicy" scorpion, sting bitten off

They also love biting human fingers, the swines!

The dunnart breeding season is so intense ... lasting about 2 weeks ...

That afterwards the males die of exhaustion. A new generation replaces them!

Some idiot introduced the European Red Fox to Australia. This, and the common house cat, are hunting the poor little darlings almost to extinction.



Syd said...

You take care as well. I wish things were better for you at the moment. You have such a kind heart to love the animals. Maybe you will come to love yourself.

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Those dunnarts are so darn cute standing up on their hind legs like that,never seen one before.
Take care,

Gledwood said...

O thanskalot Bloggger for losing everything. OK ATTEMPT II....

Syd: animals I can love easily, animals love me. They don't judge me or my mannerisms or the rubbbish I talk or whether or not they I'm cool. They look on the heart. I'm far more comfortable with animals than the uptight manner of people.

Love myself? Hell with freeze over first!

Taffeta: what actually IS Taffeta? Of course I know the word but suspect we perhaps use a different term here in the UK.

Dunnarts are a rare Ausssie "rodent". A little like a meerkat in that they can fight scorpions and spiders and seem immune to venom. I respect that. That's why I use such little animals as my avatar. Not quite as dull and furry as they appear. If you've ever seen a hannny spend all night upside down "worrying" the bars till they come loose u'll see they ave unusual persistance and willpower, just like I have, when a bee gets in my bonnet to do something, Chinese cooking = good example.

I relate to the hamster bc lots of people think they are dopey etc, but those who keep them know they are particularly determinied when a bar is lose and they wanna get the hell out of there. On and on they nibble, till the cage pops off its base. Clever swines! Hence
my avatar!

Peace & luuuurve to y'all :-)

Anonymous said...

Dunnarts, Thanks for the intro!They are So Lovely, what a shame.
The Human race has done so much damage by moving animals where they don't belong.

You were right about exotic opiates appearing!
You wait for weeks then you get a lot show up at once, last night PJ brought home white powder that didn't need Vit-C and felt nice.
Also after a later mission, scored some "opium" which we just tried together in a crack pipe style arangement it tasted like gear and we were giggling like teenagers.
I'm not wasted, but I do feel much more comfortable (i.e. comforted and able)
Best Wishes to all,
And Similar Good Fortune,

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds - aren't they great little things ... got to feel sorry for the poor males. Mind, if there is life after this I bet there would be a few human males wanting to come back as a little dunnart male ;)

Foxes are bad news for the wild life here, shame because they are a beautiful looking animal. Humans! :( We had one in the garden the other morning at first light he was big, at first I thought it was a stray dog then I saw his tail.

Stay well and warm - any signs of snow in London? I know it has landed in Yorkshire and beyond already. Smiles to you*!*

sarah said...

found you looking for robo pictures - you have broken some of my steotypes of heroin addicts.

I hope you manage to work things out.

Anonymous said...

gledwood i reckon ur bein waaay too hard on urself mate. ur hurting an thats why ur using. the water/washing thing always gets me wen i dont have loads of gear, u not alone there. ur a clever guy and u just need real help. methadone aint the rite way we know that. wen i was first with my partner he had an injectable nhs script - this kept him and therefore me away from dealers and dirty gear. picked up twice a week so had 2 decent hits and the green for the rest of the week. we got jobs we had routine. it WORKED. if we were given injectables now life woud be much MUCH easier for all of us and i dont believe more expensive for them!!!
hang on to the good things gledwood - u rite well, u aint stupid and a lot of peeps admire u.
hope u get to feelin a bit more at ease soon. big hugzzz luv doopsy xxxxx haha verify word is baaced!



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood