HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, November 15, 2010

What's really happening in Burma?

BURMESE POLITICAL DISSIDENT Aung San Suu Kyi, as we all know, has been released from over 15 years' house arrest.

This event has been widely been viewed as a publicity stunt.

I'm not entirely sure. If they'd really wanted to, Burma's "ruling military junta" could have got rid of her forever. Poisoned her coffee.

But they didn't. They let her out.

Perhaps, like another key Burmese figure, Khun Sa, who ended his days in a luxury flat in Burma's capital Rangoon aka Yangon, having lived in luxury flats in Bangkok (before Thai police got on his case), as well as country estates in Laos, as well as his (adopted) home, Shan State in Burma, Burma's generals plan to retire in style, living out their days in assured opulence.

Khun Sa was born in China's Yunnan province to a Chinese father and Shan mother from the highlands of Burma's Shan State, key area of the infamous Golden Triangle where, before Afghanistan took the narco-crown, most of the world's opium was grown.

At one point, so it's rumoured, Khun Sa had at least ten brands of China White winging, floating and trundling their ways to international narcotics markets. The most infamous were 999 Brand, Lucky Strike (in 700g packets printed with same logo as the cigarettes!) and so-called "Double UOGlobe". This heroin was reputedly up to 99% pure.

Opium was, and still is, also grown by the Wa, another people fighting a resistance movement up in those there highlands. Poppies are still cultivated in Thailand, albeit on a small scale, and more significantly in Laos. Laos produces about as much heroin (so it is claimed ~ and I've looked into world opium/heroin production figures and find them highly spurious. I think they're massively underestimated in some countries) as Pakistan (1-5 tons heroin annually). Opium/heroin is actually sourced from at least 17 countries, including North Korea, Lebanon, Vietnam, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Pakistan, India, Colombia, Venezuela, Guatemala and Mexico AS WELL as Afghanistan.

Khun Sa died in 2007 and Burma's trade in methamphetamine as well as heroin has since increased. The Burmese government would have us believe that the drug trade is all down to these troublesome border tribes, but expert observers are not convinced. Huge amounts of money are reputedly laundered through Yangon's banks. Anybody willing to pay a 40% "tax" can wash as much cash as they like through a Burmese account and have it officially declared legal. A huge boost to drug dealers and international criminals of all varieties.

My point being that the Nice Lady's release into notoriously unstable Burma may not necessarily be the best thing for her country, or the world.

Look at the former Soviet Union. Countries not used to freedom and democracy don't know how to handle it. That's how figures like Vladimir Putin arise.

As I say, perhaps Burma's generals, like Khun Sa before them, feel they've made their money and the time has come to retire in style? In their own country, in complete safety. If they do retire and indications arise that they are not safe, I'm sure they'd find safe haven in adjoining lands.

Perhaps they intend to go on as normal. Perhaps intend to be puppet-masters, directing future ceremonies from behind the scenes... who knows their real agenda?

In my view, the potential problems come not necessarily from the Burmans, the Burmese-speaking majority, but from Burma's massively unstable border regions. Here (for political, as well as cultural and linguistic reasons) many local tribes claim not to consider themselves "Burmese". They are fighting for what the media call "various degrees of autonomy". They also grow opium poppies.

Vast amounts of methamphetamine are also produced in Burma or Myanmar, as the current "junta" would have us call it. Myanmar is pronounced Mee-YAN-mar. Not MY (rhyming with high, as on China White + methamphetamine) -an-mar.

Opium production dipped so low at one point that even local peasants, many of whom were/are addicted couldn't get it in the early 2000s. Australia, which is primarily supplied by Burmese heroin, went through a 5-year heroin drought from 2001-2006. Purity plummeted while prices soared. Vancouver and Western Canada, which are also fed on China White, also experienced upheaval. But bordering the enormous US drug market, no heroin shortage there was likely to last for long.

In recent years opium production has increased in all major growing regions bar (so it is claimed) the South American Andes. The world market for heroin is bigger than at any point in history. Burma has the experience and expertise to fulfil this demand.

Burmese methamphetamine is usually stamped into pills and exported primarily to Thailand, where it is known as yaba ยาบ้า, the "crazy drug", after the psychosis "repeated administration" provokes. From Thailand it is exported to Cambodia and Vietnam, which also have significant drug problems. But this too could change. Burma is already suspected of being the world's biggest producer of methamphetamine. What would happen if they suddenly started shipping this drug to Europe, which traditionally hasn't been into "meth"? MDMA and similar Ecstasy-type substances and simple (and far weaker) amphetamine sulphate (as well as, of course cocaine and crack) have traditionally been the stimulants of choice here, but Europeans, especially the British, Germans and Dutch, have been notoriously willing to experiment with new uppers en masse, which is why Ecstasy made such inroads into the popular culture. Bored of low-purity coke, the populace may well turn to this far cheaper and longer-lasting stimulant, if it were made more widely available.

I did used to have a crystal ball, but I lost it when I got made homeless. So I'm afraid I've not a clue what the future might hold.

Yes change is afoot in Burma, but it's not necessarily all good.

15 comments:

Jeannie said...

It's rather amazing the huge scope of the drug trade. The enormity of underground activities that go on to feed it. Huge fields growing coca or poppies or marijuana. And labs producing meth. It's so huge, you would think that it would be easy to shut it down at the same time as it would be impossible.

It just occurred to me that if "they" were serious - given the current heroin shortage - that they couldn't come up with a biological agent to continue hampering crops and forcing shortages in all the drug plants.

But really, maybe they should just put all the money into researching why humans are so miserable in the first place that they need to escape so much - and look for a true remedy.

Gledwood said...

Khun Sa offered to sell his entire opium crop to America so they could make medicinal drugs from it. All he wanted was aid money. But it was reported as "drug lord's demand: give me $1 billion or I will flood Britain's streets with heroin"! I still remember it to this day. the guy was serious, and he was just laughed at. He was a fascinating character.
They do suspect this year's Afghan poppy blight to be American interference. There is definitely a fungus out there that can be artificially introduced to deestroy a crop.
But it supposedly kills poppies AND coca bush AND marijuana. Now that makes me cynnical ~ it will surely also kill apple trees, potatoes, chili peppers, wheat, rice, tea bushes and all the other good things!
Yeah I was thinking that yesterday, after I whinged about the drugs drought. I know that post must have pissed some people off. Surely they get tired of me going in circles. I would! But I was thinking, I am on heroin, lots of people are on heroin and other drugs and though it's not an excuse it is a symptom of a broken society. Because I never would have gone near it, if I'd been a more conformist person. No way.
E.g. far eastern societies are far more conformist. I could have gone to London and followed my true fascination and studied Japanese at uni. I have always wanted to learn Japanese and Chinese, both of them. If I'd done that maybe just maybe things would have been different. but you can't harp on the past. Ho hum!!
I wonder what's gonna happen in Burma? I really do feel it won't be good. I hate to say it, but that's how I feel :-(

molson said...

So it looks as if the shortage of your favorite med is going to last a bit. That can't be good for your daily outlook.

Gledwood said...

If I could only summon myself together just a bit more I would see a heroin drought as a really good thing. But as I said to the professionals at the methadone clinic, who know all about it, I don't want to be like people in prison, many of whom must sincerely wish to stay clean on the outside... And I've not known a single one do it. Ever.
Whatever I am doing, I need to know it is real. Or else I am just saving a bit of money in the short term and kidding myself in the long term

Liz said...

interesting post, gledwood.

Welcome back!! We've missed you!

Gledwood said...

I hope it wasn't too chemically slanted for your taste. That is what I know best about Burma. Those drugs. Which is a shame. BC Burma is the #1 place I would really like to see in the world, and how can I, with my problems..?
I am really curious to see what happens next. Stability I do not forsee. Just more upheaval of a dictatorship in another flavour!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I hadn't heard that Aung was released.

Hope things are going well for you.

Love,

SB

Gledwood said...

Aye she's out and urging "no uprising" according to the cover of today's Times

Syd said...

I had no idea about any of this but then I don't study the history and supply of drugs. I know that it is big business which to me is a frightening thing.

Gledwood said...

I remember Khun Sa's declaration as reported in the Sun or the Star. It was "gimme $1 billion or I will poison your kids!" not help my people with aid and you can buy our opium harvest for your medical needs. That really was what he was saying. (I think.) Khun Sa just did not come across as a thug, however you want to view him. You can see interviews with him on Youtube. He was not backward at coming forward.
I did some research on poppies/opium/production/manufacture of heroin for a post I wrote some time ago called History of Heroin or something.
Also I picked up quite a lot of titbits along the way

NA: I know. I really was annoyed at being that distracted I didn't even remember till I got home and realized I'd missed it

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Keep up your spirits and look at the bright side,if there is none consider a challenge as something new and stimulating.

mart said...

Well my comments are shite, but they always disappear never to be seen. Ps SHORTY I sent you a mail.
Mart
Good luck all.

Anonymous said...

well i made 3 posts now first one got thru ok but last 2 not 2 b seen??? still crap ere in sheffield wish i cud get some nice stuff i on meth but just want somet nice sooooo much altho saw a post yesterday from sum1 in sheff n reckoned was gettin sumet good n not a problem please will u tell me wat area u inn luv from desperate female longin 4 sum nice gear xx keep safe peeps hope drought finishes soooo soon

Anonymous said...

well i made 3 posts now first one got thru ok but last 2 not 2 b seen??? still crap ere in sheffield wish i cud get some nice stuff i on meth but just want somet nice sooooo much altho saw a post yesterday from sum1 in sheff n reckoned was gettin sumet good n not a problem please will u tell me wat area u inn luv from desperate female longin 4 sum nice gear xx keep safe peeps hope drought finishes soooo soon

norf_london said...

After two days of 7/10 pre-drought quality the dealer got greedy and stamped on it and now it's 4/10. I'm so pissed off I've written a poem.

Why, why, why are dealers such greedy cunts?

Three weeks of drought
There's nought about
Three weeks of pain, then
There's a new man about
He's got 7 outta 10

For two happy days
I boot, toot and plays
But the the man gets greedy
And stamps on the gear
Those Js and Ts are so seedy
They realise my great fear...

That they'll be no gear
For Christmas or New Year
Those cunts have gone a messed up
What should be all over town:
A decent supply of non cut-to-fuck
Tackle, gear, smack, skag or brown.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood