WE HAD RIOTS IN LONDON last night and the night before. It all kicked off in Tottenham where a vigil for a boy shot dead by police blew up. shops were looted, buildings burned out. This spread to nearby Wood Green where shops the length of the High Road were smashed up, earthquake style. Last night the looting spread to Enfield, which is up the road from Wood Green Tottenham and even across the river to Brixton, a famously vulgar inner City suburb well known for drugs and civic unrest. I used to go clubbing in Brixton and I've scored heroin in Wood Green so I know both places well. Tottenham is an endless expanse of crack dens and Jehovah's Witness churches with no real centre. Enfield is the middle of nowhere. My metadone chemist is closing early because he hears the unrest (which is basically organized looting, not true rioting) will spread right across town. I heard another rumour this might happen so maybe it's true.
I wasn't depressed yesterday morn; I was just crying for no apparent reason. Then I wet out to poke through the riot damage and was hyper yet again. Smiling so widely the police kept giving me funny looks. It was a real fun day out.
Then my friend came back and paid me a £10 note and a £15 bag of heroin. He kept complaining my gear was bigger than his and had the cheek to ask for a bit back! Until I said I had hep C and it was all wet in a spoon I had previously flushed blood into ~ that put the grasping fucker right off!
Then I had a lovely 12 hour sleep and woke up feeling ill yet again. For days I have been sweating, freezing cold, bellyacheing, farting like a whizzing balloon and generally feeling crap I only didn't feel it too much because my mood simultaneously soared allowing me less sleep over the previous 4 days than I got all last night!
The ignorant BO-reeking Turk who runs our local heroin money laundering establishment ~ ie a "grocery shop" ~ queried whether I was feeling alright this afternoon. When I said quite alright, yeah, he added are you sure? then said something sarky in his ugly-sounding peasant dialect of his (it doesn't sound like the proper Turkish that comes blaring out of their in-store TV sets, it has very oily over-rounded vowels. You know how most languages sound more beautiful and exotic than English? This is the exception. It's a horrible sounding tongue and I, who speak 6 languages badly, am glad not to speak it. I'm sure even an educated Turk wouldn't understand his barbarian sheep-bleating dialect. Anyway, it's true I had crowded in out of the rain wearing winter coat, glastonbury jumper with furry hood and ultra warm tracksuit bottoms (ie my pajamas, though he shouldn't have known that) and had hands together like a praying mantis. Then he said I've seen you outisde with your glasses. So fucking what. I know my eyewear looks fantabulous but a compliment from a donkey******g peasant is meaningless to me. He waers glasses and his ones look really shit. I'm tempted to get them done under the Disability Discrimination act for takig teh piss out of a schizoaffective. That would fucking serve him right. Also if his shop gets smashed up tonight that would serve him right more. I am very angry with him for daring to speak to me like a piece of shit. Everyone treats me like shit. And you know what? I don't even have to answer back merely LOOK THEM IN THE EYE and people recoil in terror. This has happened more than once lately. The weak and sappy are intimidated by my superior spirit.
I still stand by all I said yesterday morning; all was true. Beauty is passing; ugliness remains. Ecstasy might stretch to touch the universe's end, yet agony is lasting. Only pain is true. Happiness is a mere illusion. If you're happy you're more than likely mentally ill. I do not desire to live in this world I want to live with God. Sorry to tell the truth like that: truth hurts.
And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots:
And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD;
And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the LORD: and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears:
But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meek of the earth: and he shall smite the earth: with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked.
And righteousness shall be the girdle of his loins, and faithfulness the girdle of his reins.
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.
And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.
And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den.
They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea