HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Don't Buy the Sunday Papers

OK HERE’S MY CRITIQUE of the Sunday papers. (But cheapskate that I am I only BOUGHT News of the World)…


SUNDAY MIRROR … SHAMELSSS JO: I’m NOT sorry & I’d do it AGAIN. (This is to do with “Celebrity” Big Brother racism row: Jade Goody (prize Essex thicko), Jo O’Meara (abovementioned) former S-Club Seven (teenybopperbandmember) and (soccer) footballer Teddy Sheringham’s vulgar-mouthed model partner got into race-spat with actually proper famous 1000,000,000 people following Indian Bollywood actress Shipla Shetty.

It wasn’t racism at all in my opinion. Merely girlie jealousy. But you try telling the British tabloids that. (Michael Jackson’s brother Jermaine was also in the house. If these three Brit girls were so “racist” why did they never have a go at HIM??)

THE PEOPLE … JO’S HOOKED ON SEX & GAMBLING BIG BROTHER EXCLUSIVE. PLUS DIRK RACE STORM. (Same Jo. Who the hell this Dirk is I haven’t a clue I’m not wasting my money on that paper.) Then…

(Massive headline.) DEC BROKE MY HEART. (Declan Dontknowhissurname was in kids’ TV show Byker Grove then went on to present ITV chart show and is now joint KING with (male) partner ANT of SATURDAY NIGHT TV. But he is hetero.

NEWS OF THE WORLD … World’s oldest mum at 67 (huge red figures) — photographer wisely used “extra wrinkle” lighting.

Ooo. There’s more “news” inside…

Is KYLIE (Minogue — Aussie songstress’)’S LOVER 2-TIMING HER?

“Olivier (her boyf) in secret hotel trysts with beauties”.

Then we launch into main “text” …. COURAGEOUS (because she’s “battling breast cancer” — they love their alliteration) blahblah four-year romance with duh duh.

Friends say (what “friends" ever talk to News of the World??) the couple are locked in bitter rows over their relationship.

And well that’s the story. Move ON to page…

OK in the corner of that one Mad dog mauls 2” that is a current obsession — pitbulls. Yes. And here’s another.

322 Sex fiends on the loose.

Because our Home Office doesn’t know its bum from its elbow.

Where’s KATE MOSS… Surely KATE MOSS is somewhere. O! I’ve found her!


Rimmel (cheap Maybellinw type company) ‘looking for younger model’.

Big Pete Doherty snap.

Brooding Kate pic caption: LIP STICK. Kate’s getting ‘too old’.

Rimmel … secretly holding castings for young girls to find a replacement for Kate, who turned 33 this month.

A source said (they nicked this expression from the National Enquirer): “Age catches up with everyone — even Kate.” O you don’t SAY??

Considering not TOO long ago she was “Cocaine Kate” to all the press. She somehow redeemed herself & they’re frustratedly implying (v. B-tween the lines) that she’s USING AGAIN. Well she’s “marrying Pete Doherty” for 1. But NOTHING IS PROVEN wind back a decade ago it was the “Kate’s on heroin” rumour. I’m not sure I believed that one; you can’t travel the world on heroin without A: a connexion near every airport or B: trafficking.

OK. Blar blar blar. O yes here’s where it gets stupid. “But she was kept on and secured more deals with other companies to take her earnings last year to £30 million.


Though Mother Hubbard who I’m probably NOT having dinner with 2day actually BELIEVED concrete-breasted Katie Price/”Jordan”’s “I earnt £1 BILLION tabloid claim.

Well there y’are.


So don’t buy the News of the World.


RUTH said...

Thanks Gledwood; I couldn't get out to buy a paper today...now I've caught up with all the gossip thanks to you

gledwood said...

Hey I'm glad I did someone a service. And your "muffins" (what the hell am I MEANT to call'em?)- they genuinely did give me a laugh. Even on this miserable day.

gledwood said...

What's wrong with me? I keep snoozing then having bad dreams about getting in trouble im my comments section...

Deb said...

yes, thanks...my mum in law passes those types of papers to me and i like the pictures. the racism card is overplayed...everything seems to fall under that category now

RUTH said...

Can't find any meaning for "blog comment box" dreams! Beat I can do is "computer" which means New Areas Opening....that could mean anything I guess!!!

gledwood said...

Yeah can you imagine a 2007 Dream Book: Comments Box. What does that mean? One's personal interface with the outside world, I'd guess.

& how come my name came out black there? Ah! It's bc I'd 4gotten 2fill in my url.

chipper said...

Hi, Gledwood -- I'm okay. Sorry to have worried you! I posted an explanation of the delay on my blog.

I'll do the six weird things tomorrow, tentatively. That sounds fun.

Yes indeed, the British press has a fixation with Kate Moss. And Victoria Beckham. I can at least begin to understand the latter. The former puzzles me.

Our press here in the States is about as absurd as yours is. But you did manage to get a reply from a UK press goddes, didn't you? So far I've stayed under the screen, so to speak.

IVY said...

Pete Doherty is my hero

Gledwood said...

Pete Doherty is always getting arrested for drugs possession. He has his v distinctive face & makes self even more distinctive with hats. And wonders why he gets trouble.

I wonder whether he is posh? That would explain a lot of things.

Alyx said...

looked for you on mybloglog...guess you didn't find me through there.

Just wanted to say thanks for stopping by though!


chipper said...

Question for you. Did you create your blog with New Bloger (Google) or Old Blogger?

gledwood said...

Far as I know I created it via New Blogger. But it is not "Beta".

Does that make any sense?

It's a lefthandside click.

If anyone knows "Beta" and what it supposedly was and what the difference between old and new google or blogger are, could you please be so kind as to tell me. Because it's one of those things that irritates me by google attemptedly convincing me my life shall be complete by knowing...

Instituto Ser Integral said...

Hi, you visited our blog and wrote the message. Thanks.
We are brasilians and I don´t know if you undesrtood our blog. If you want know more write us. I watched news about the Big Brother in your country. There are many and different opinions about, but we don´t know who is right or not. Tell us about this.
Rosangela Brazil

gledwood said...

Hi!! I was cruising by with that "next blog" button then I found yours I can't speak any Portuguese at all I'm afraid but I noticed that beautiful picture of the waterfall. Is that just artwork or is it something near you? It looks wonderful.

I was half joking leaving the message bc I wasn't sure you'd understand it, glad you did...

I didn't realize Big Brother UK had got to Brazil!!!! That's crazy. You want to know my opinion? There were 3 English girls in that house with one Indian. Now you have to bear in mind we have a LOT of Indians in this country so they are hardly foreign to us. Britain's national dish is "chicken tikka masala" - ie an Indian-inspired dish. We have a close relationship as nations go with India (I think). Anyhow the 3 English girls I believe were jealous of Shilpa bc she is prettier than them, also she is far more famous in her own country: she is a movie star of Julia Roberts/Angelina Joelie stature. I don't believe it was genuine racism at all, rather viciousness, bullying etc dressed up in racist clothes (which is a VERY different thing). As I pointed out, there was a black man in the house. If these people were so racist, why did they not have a go at him.

gledwood said...

Hi Alyx as I said to the Brazilian people, I was out blog-cruising last night, that's how I found yours. I particularly loved your doggie blog, I said hi there. Thanks for saying hi on mine.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood