OK HERE’S MY CRITIQUE of the Sunday papers. (But cheapskate that I am I only BOUGHT News of the World)…
SUNDAY SPORT … 1001 NIPPLES INSIDE
SUNDAY MIRROR … SHAMELSSS JO: I’m NOT sorry & I’d do it AGAIN. (This is to do with “Celebrity” Big Brother racism row: Jade Goody (prize Essex thicko), Jo O’Meara (abovementioned) former S-Club Seven (teenybopperbandmember) and (soccer) footballer Teddy Sheringham’s vulgar-mouthed model partner got into race-spat with actually proper famous 1000,000,000 people following Indian Bollywood actress Shipla Shetty.
It wasn’t racism at all in my opinion. Merely girlie jealousy. But you try telling the British tabloids that. (Michael Jackson’s brother Jermaine was also in the house. If these three Brit girls were so “racist” why did they never have a go at HIM??)
THE PEOPLE … JO’S HOOKED ON SEX & GAMBLING BIG BROTHER EXCLUSIVE. PLUS DIRK RACE STORM. (Same Jo. Who the hell this Dirk is I haven’t a clue I’m not wasting my money on that paper.) Then…
(Massive headline.) DEC BROKE MY HEART. (Declan Dontknowhissurname was in kids’ TV show Byker Grove then went on to present ITV chart show and is now joint KING with (male) partner ANT of SATURDAY NIGHT TV. But he is hetero.
NEWS OF THE WORLD … World’s oldest mum at 67 (huge red figures) — photographer wisely used “extra wrinkle” lighting.
Ooo. There’s more “news” inside…
Is KYLIE (Minogue — Aussie songstress’)’S LOVER 2-TIMING HER?
“Olivier (her boyf) in secret hotel trysts with beauties”.
Then we launch into main “text” …. COURAGEOUS (because she’s “battling breast cancer” — they love their alliteration) blahblah four-year romance with duh duh.
Friends say (what “friends" ever talk to News of the World??) the couple are locked in bitter rows over their relationship.
And well that’s the story. Move ON to page…
OK in the corner of that one Mad dog mauls 2” that is a current obsession — pitbulls. Yes. And here’s another.
322 Sex fiends on the loose.
Because our Home Office doesn’t know its bum from its elbow.
Where’s KATE MOSS… Surely KATE MOSS is somewhere. O! I’ve found her!
KATE FACES AXE …!! Oh DEAR!!!
Rimmel (cheap Maybellinw type company) ‘looking for younger model’.
Big Pete Doherty snap.
Brooding Kate pic caption: LIP STICK. Kate’s getting ‘too old’.
Rimmel … secretly holding castings for young girls to find a replacement for Kate, who turned 33 this month.
A source said (they nicked this expression from the National Enquirer): “Age catches up with everyone — even Kate.” O you don’t SAY??
Considering not TOO long ago she was “Cocaine Kate” to all the press. She somehow redeemed herself & they’re frustratedly implying (v. B-tween the lines) that she’s USING AGAIN. Well she’s “marrying Pete Doherty” for 1. But NOTHING IS PROVEN wind back a decade ago it was the “Kate’s on heroin” rumour. I’m not sure I believed that one; you can’t travel the world on heroin without A: a connexion near every airport or B: trafficking.
OK. Blar blar blar. O yes here’s where it gets stupid. “But she was kept on and secured more deals with other companies to take her earnings last year to £30 million.
DON’T BELIEVE THAT.
Though Mother Hubbard who I’m probably NOT having dinner with 2day actually BELIEVED concrete-breasted Katie Price/”Jordan”’s “I earnt £1 BILLION tabloid claim.
Well there y’are.
Saved yourself EIGHTY-FIVE PENCE THERE DIDN’T YOU?
So don’t buy the News of the World.
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