Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Getting to Me. Will I ever get to me? I'm lost..... (who isn't?)

I HAVE JUST SPENT about four hours reading other people's blogs. Have I got a disease?

Also all the ones I promised to read I keep forgetting in ever cog-nogg-i-log circles.

Eventually it all got to me and I left this comment in someone's box because they'd mentioned their pets. Including a mesocricetus auratus (tubby hammy).

You gotta be careful with hamsters. I've had loads of 'em. My best one used to gnash his teeth at me and strike like a poisonous snake when I disturbed him in bed. Then he yawned, stretched and rubbed his bleary eyes and realized it was me and 4gave me.

Now I've got a Chinese one and everyone thinks it's a mouse but IT IS NOT. It looks like a mouse but it has pouches. So it (or rather HE) is a hammy. Whoopee!!`¬

I really think I ought to have a lie-down now.
Posted by at
Labels: , ,

11 comments:

Wayward Son said...

I think your comment about hamsters is right on. The fact that you bother to comment on hamsters says tons about your capacity as a human.

I, myself, live in fear of the little buggers for as a child, the one hamster I had never forgave me and bit me mercilessly whenever I offered an overture of affection. I had a much better relationship with Guinea Pigs though they were much more difficult to hide from my mom.

I hope it wasn't my blog that made you feel batty. It's not all the implausible that it would.

WS

WS

25 January 2007 at 02:47
rowan said...

What do you look like? Send me a picture of you.

25 January 2007 at 11:24
rowan said...

(That's my tag.)

25 January 2007 at 11:24
Anonymous said...

I seriously don't know how to. I can tell you who I look enough like that I looked at the photo twice= American Junky. He look Enuff like me/me like he in hat at that angle wi that lighting...

Okay let me explain something. In the olden days of film cameras I got in the habit of snappin' off the -2 -1 XX before 01 02 03 okay the ones b4 01 I shot off of myself some of them (wherever those photos gone. On local rubbish dump most probably). Seriously look like that guys. Honestly see his foto you've seen mine.

25 January 2007 at 13:53
Gledwood said...

i wanted it to be dirty and of the night and instead it was always daytime where nobody could get inside me not even if they wanted to.

Look it's just me using this as my notebook. I have to save this quote.

25 January 2007 at 14:22
Gledwood said...

And no offence or meaning to anyone bc if you don't read that person's blog I'm not telling who it is so I'm maintaining the internet privacy of friendship thing.

Well I'm trying to....

25 January 2007 at 14:23
Deb said...

this blogosphere sucks you in like a vacuum. i've dropped entire days here. i love it.

25 January 2007 at 19:33
Deb said...

i read his blog. i like that pic, it's mysterious.

25 January 2007 at 19:34
Deb said...

and why do i keep hearing rs "monkey man" in my head?

25 January 2007 at 19:35
Deb said...

sorry, leaving now

25 January 2007 at 19:35
Gledwood said...

Rs Monkay Man?

I keep hearing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody...

28 January 2007 at 01:34

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood