HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Mystery of the Disabled Hamster

I'VE A NASTY FEELING I've discovered the cause of Bashful Roborovski's strange behaviour: all this leaning back and falling over, staring into space and wandering off in the dark. I only realized what it was the other day when, putting my hand inside her domain she "peered" up at me, then I moved, yet she continued peering into the same bit of space. She is blind. This makes me feel so sorry for her. Such a tiny, innocent animal. No wonder she's been acting so strangely of late; I'm convinced she has gone blind and wasn't born so. Blindness would explain everything. I do hope I'm wrong.

On the other hand, blindness in a hamster is nowhere near the disability it might be in a larger animal like a dog or cat. Roborovskis live in pitch blackness anyhow ~ up to six feet underground in their burrowy nests. And, of course, being nocturnal their eyesight is far from the premium sense (they rely on hearing far more, and sensations: not only vibrations on the ground from larger bufoon species such as humans but their sixth sense, "whisker sense". In human terms their gigantic whiskers stuck out a good eighteen inches either side, allowing them to bolt full pelt into a complex network of tunnels without ever crashing into the wall...)

I got so used to observing them by "fireglow" red light that I forget their frenzied dashing, pinging and wheel-ramblings are mostly conducted, in robo-terms, in the utter pitch dark; and yet their behaviour barely alters one little bit between darkness and light. (Red light to hamsters and most other tiny rodents is equivalent to infra-red light to us: so installing a fireglow lamp beside their enclosure enables one to view them undisturbed. If I want them to go to bed even in the middle of the night-time, I need only switch the main light on and, hilarious as clockwork, within ten minutes they're all at the nest, all three of them, snuggling and preening away, the most natural thing in the world...

Little else to say about Bashful. I do hope it is just blindness and not some sort of brain tumour. As I say, her behaviour has been a little... aimless and odd. I can think of no other explanation for it...

Video:
John Denver: Leaving on a Jet Plane
You may well consider this sentimentalist tosh, and I aplogize for the blurry picturing but a few glances and you'll get the gist... this tune's been going round and round in my head for a bit so I thought I'd post it up here for yous...



Babylonian Mystery Religion

23 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Aw how sad about your little hamster. :(

Fire Byrd said...

my dog went blind she was only 8 it wasn't fair. She had to be put down and I still miss her.

I like the song, but then I can remember it being a 'hit' first time round..... she said in a croaky old crone voice.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: she's not suffering though (just falling over backwards quite a lot to my repeated cooings...)

Fire Byrd: Bashful will be all right ~ as long as that's all it is... robbies don't rely on eyesight as I said; not the way people do...

Leavin' on a Jetplane... that one I remember from singalongs of my youth... (church camping trips)

Baino said...

Aww poor bashful . . although my grandfather was blinded in the war and could have done with 18 inch whiskers rather than a stick! Come to think of it, I tend to crash into things and I've got 20/20 vision!

Gledwood said...

I'm dreadful too. Though I am 1/2 blind without glasses: I so badly want lazer eye surgery!

tut-tut said...

Trying to get my glasses prescription correct on this end! Went for the exam, then went back for the glasses. Like being on deck; a very rolling feeling. Stereo-optics not working, so they had to send the lenses back.

Hope everyone is OK there . . .

Hammer said...

That is kind of sad. I've seen old dogs go blind but like most animals they use their other senses to compensate. The aimlessnss and odd behavior are still there.

Catch said...

I am sorry about your hamster...that is sad. I had hamsters when my kids were youngsters, they had babies!!! They were such cute tiny little babies! And then one of the hamsters ate them!!! Yechhhhhhhh.
Thanx for visiting my blog....come anytime!

philos said...

Hmm... I've never been a fan of pets, but I love how you talked about your hamsters... made me at least consider getting one. (Except I have asthma and all those furs hehe... )

Puss-in-Boots said...

Poor little Bashful...yes, I do hope it's nothing serious, as you say.

Leaving on a Jet Plane...did't Peter, Paul and Mary do that one (oops, now I've given my vintage away).

Gledwood said...

TutTut: I once got ones badly overprescribed for me... I'm sure the *****d was trying to wreck my eyes, make me a better customer for the future...

Catch: Don't they look like wriggly little baked beans..??

Hammer: I hope it is just blindness. It would explain a lot; she just doesn't seem to know anything's there until she's biting it (like my finger)

Filos: "all those furs" on a hamster?? C'mon. My robos weigh no more than 20g each. There's hardly any fur on them. (But it is nice fur...)

Pussinboots: I hope so too. No way of finding out, anyhow. (Never heard of a hammybrainscan..!!)

宝茹 said...

:(( I have a dog too, so I feel for you.

Kahshe Cottager said...

Oh dear, what a sad thing for you and Bashful to be experiencing. One of my dogs was blind and she coped very well in her environment. I am sure Bashful will as well, especially since she is so well looked after and loved by you!

Monogram Queen said...

How would you find out? I hope the wee one will be okay....

Bimbimbie said...

It's amazing how animals can adapt far better than we humans when something stops working ... last night on the news I saw a tortoise that had lost the use of it's back legs. It's now been kitted out with a sort of wheelchair or gocart, front legs work ok ... still getting the hang of how to move and not upturn itself quite as much. If Bashful is still eating and interacting with the others she must be doing fine and adapting *!*

Lucinda said...

It's sad that she's blind, but at least it's not something worse. I had a guinea pig who had a stroke, it's really sad when such little animals are in so much pain. You just want to pet them and make it better. = )

ERIC--USA said...

Hey Gleds.......... I have been off line for a few weeks as I had a computer catastrophe. I am now down to 55 mg of Methadone and trying to get off as fast as I can because I am catching a LOT of flack from doctors and it has made me gain a ton of weight (cravings for sweets). Since I am originally from NYC, each borough (Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and Staten Island) has their own television recording studio where anyone (even my own cousin) can have a show! Manhattan is the largest of the 5 and you can view it at www.mnn.org It stands for Manhattan Neighborhood Network. I would guess that www.bnn.org would take you to B'klyn. or Bx. You can view all the stations on regular TV or on the internet. Over the past two weeks MNN has had some internet trouble but my cousin tells me it should be over with shortly. You can pick a subject and it will tell you when it is on, such as: Sexuality/Gender, Politics, Local News, Entertainment, and etc. Saw the post about your leg.............I am glad it is over with for you. I guess I can read it later and see what happened to your maintainance methadone program (MMP). Perhaps you should do what I did 6 years ago and go up to 140mg/day and have to use 4X4 (4 wheel drive) in my explorer when I would doze off and wind up in a cornfield (Midwest) or fall asleep on the "F" train and wind up at Coney Island (NYC). Glad to find you still on line and Creeqe Alley still up :) E

CrystalChick said...

Ah, that's a shame for your little baby, but if there appears to be no discomfort or suffering and they live in darkness anyway, it's probably not as bad as we think when a little pet goes thru a change.
Hubby loves John Denver. Not my particular cup of tea, but he entertained many people for a long time and still, so that's cool.

Gledwood said...

宝茹: no it's a hamster not a dog! I think the hamster needs a guide dog now... (or perhaps something smaller: guide mouse, perhaps...~??~??!?

Kahshe: yeah I hope she will be ok as long as it is just blindness she should be fine... if it's some brain thing I don't see much hope for her

MQ: I'm certainly not going to the vets that's for sure... they just want to rip off as much money as they possibly can squeeze out of you..!

Bimbimbie: Thanks. That's true she is perfectly OK... just a little thin for some reason (smaller than Itchy now. AGAIN.)... certainly not impeded in wheel-scuttling of any other hamsterific activities...

宝茹 said...

Oh my...hahahaha...my mistake. :P

Hamster doesn't need a guide pet. Just needs a friend. :)

Gledwood said...

Lucinda: aww! that sounds nasty. No Bashful is definitely in no pain

Eric: hey I was wondering where you got to... iwgh was it a 2nd hand computer? I wanna get a laptop as there seems to be free wireless internet everywhere ~ wouldn't THAT be a blast..!!... they're "only" £300 for a seemingly 1/2 decent one brand new or £150 2nd hand... I'm so skeptical of buying someone else's dodgy 2nds though...

is that tv thing called public access broadcasting? can't you see the manhattan version in the bronx/vice versa or do you ONLY get local?

they tried an experiment with something similar on national tv on channel 4 but it was really crap e.g. a "witch" cackling loudly whilst rubbing at her private parts with a broom...

... gimme strength!

Crystal: long as it is just blindness I'm with you and sure Bashful will be fine ;->...

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

fgeegf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood