HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Woody Woodmouse Weekend...

BABY ITCHY, かゆがってさん (Kayugatte-san) is looking particularly touselled, tawny and harvesty this afternoon. My robbies were even starring on the radio the other day (OK, slight correction ~ about two and a half months ago!) The world's tiniest dwarf hamsters: fully grown and the size of my thumb. If an ordinary solitary hammy's a Transit van; my three social hammies were Nissan Micras. The host Ray Khan was in thrall. A "regular" hamster curls into a furry tennis ball in sleep. I have three roborovski pingpong balls. Their cuteness perked up the waves just like their pink noses and perky ears. That was until a savage Peta-style environmentalist declaimed semi-sobbingly my "gerbils" and how when they did grow up and get more than thumb-sized and huge I would inevitably get bored of them and that's when animal shelters get full and the robos' home is left empty. Poor swines! As if I would ever do that to them! This morning as I stroked a furry hipopotamus lookey-likey who peered up at me moo-cow style and lowed ~ I promptly realized this was Baby Bashful and not Itchy. Just as she sunk razor-sharp dental stubs (worn-down from all that seed-nibbling) into my thumb and bit me!

I think she is angry with me for keeping her confined in a nest with an increasingly fractious Itchy. Many a honk I have heard squealing from their tubby domain as they squabble over who goes where in the hamster hierarchy. A vigorously honking hamster-chase sets off across the roborovski-garden, Itchy pursuing Bashful until she overpowers her sister, pushing backwards so the Daz-white belly's on stark display. This she grooms vigorously in a compulsory preening ritual. It's usually cut sort by shrilly honking cries on Bashful's part as the naughty Itchy takes to biting her, the swine! It's all such a shame as they used to get on so well. If they really did fight I would have to separate the offending Itchy character out, but it never gets blood-drawingly bad... and always, by evening, in the peace and dimness of the end of day I see three furry pingpong balls a-dozing all together in sleepy harmony.

I saw Woody Woodmouse yet again this evening, and so Google Images have provided lookey-likey photographic commemoration of his furriness for this weekend... Have a charming one won't you, y'all...

PS Bashful didn't really fall over on "furballs of birdseed" day. But she didn't pack her pouches. Which made her look really tiny and weird...

PPS How many of you numbered among the reported 4 billion ~ that is close-on two-thirds of the planet's population ~ who watched some or all of the opening ceremony to the 2008 Beijing Olympiad? Was it any good? I feel like the only person among those 4,000,000,000 who missed it!

For anyone like me, or anyone who wants a recap, have a look at this, some live highlights from the event "the greatest show in history" according to the (London) Independent newspaper:~



And on that note I shall have to love you and leave you...

HAVE A SUPERIOR WEEKEND, FOLKS!

19 comments:

lettuce said...

well i saw about 10 seconds of it, so i don't reckon i'm one of the 4 billion.

hope your weekend is good too gled.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Gleds. Your hammies are lovely and of course you are too kind and caring to ever get bored with them! I didn't watch the Olympics thing either, so you are not alone! Sorry I've been a crap visitor lately - blame circumstances here - but Simi and I are always thinking of you. Love from Sicily xxxx

lime said...

that video is truly one of the most amazing feats of strength and balance i have ever seen!

Baino said...

Hahah love the way you describe the antics of your furry ping pong balls! Nah, didn't watch the ceremony but knowing the Chinese, it would be highly disceplined and coordinated I bet! Have a good one to Gleds!

Baino said...

Just realised those two are from Cirque du Soliel . . they used to be athletes of some sort!

M- Filer said...

You are not alone, i missed the spectacle too. Too busy stuffing my face at an outdoor Bistro.

Monogram Queen said...

Hope you and the hammies are having a wonderful week-end Gleds!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds. Yes, I was one of the multitude of watchers...


Some of these environmentalists are a lot of crap, aren't they? No sense whatsoever...only a few actually make some sensible and viable comments.

Mice are cute little critturs...my favourites are field mice, so tiny with that enormous long tail.

Enjoy your weekend.

sally in norfolk said...

your not alone... I didn't watch the Olympics thing either... take care x

Akelamalu said...

I saw the highlights of the opening ceremony on the news - it was spectacular I have to say.

Lucinda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucinda said...
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Lucinda said...

I didn't see it either, I was seeing Iggy Pop in concert, so you're not the only one. My mother wouldn't shut up about how lovely and grand it was. Haha, hope you have a great weekend too! = )

Janice said...

I didn't see it either.

I thought what you wrote about the robos was cute, sorry about the finger.

Janice~

Gledwood said...

Lettuce: 10 seconds is enough so you are INDEED one of the 4000000000!

Welshcakes: thank you no of course I would not dispose of my hammies (though if they turned into "gerbils" I might be sorely tempted haha!... wow did you really not catch ANY of that Olympic ceremony? I bet 4000000000 was a massive overestimation, I bet it was less than 1000000000 caught any single slice of it...

Lime: I know. But if I'd known it never progressed beyond two gold blokes in their underpants I'd not have been so keen to post it!

Baino: hey you just reminded me: i have something far better to post up. NOT from any Olympics but yes from China: the "thousand hand dance"... that is amazing!

Gledwood said...

MFiler: see! I bet less than 0.5 billion watched it now

Monogram: oh they did; I didn't really (too much excessive sleep!!!

Pussinboots: I'm all for animal rights and the environment but I can't stand Peta... any excuse to cause trouble as far as I'm concerned

Sally: hey 0.4 billion now...

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: do you or anyone else know a properly representative clip I can purloin from Youtube? I looked and looked and never found anything better than THAT ... I wanted a bit of everything...

Lucinda: hey Iggy Pop ended up so down and out through drugs he was eventually living in someone's garage... and he never even went as far as heroin (according to the biog)... just "quaaludes" and loads and loads of coke %-/...

Janice:
the finger's fine now, thanxx ;->...

Crushed said...

I didn't see it either.

Never really got much into the Olympics- though I noticed Olympic football this time round, which kind of caught my eye.

Esp Nigeria.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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