HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Fish Repast

AN UNACCOUNTABLE CRAVING for cod in batter led me into Sainsbury's where I spent £2.99 on "4-6 pieces" of Birdseye's best... Two of these with oven chips and baby tomatoes sprinkled with black pepper. I crisscrossed the batter with a knife and drizzled with lime juice (nicer than lemon and stronger, so you need less of it, which suits an old skinflint like me down to the ground...) The tomatoes were lovely too and contributed to my "five a day" portions of fruit and vegetables, as the packaging handily reminded me. I really need to learn proper cooking one day, but industrial fish and oven chips is a start (I suppose..(!))...

No other news except I think my middle roborovski hamster Baby Bashful has a genetic fault! Don't cackle at this, but when I coo her name from on high she peers up at me craning her neck back and back and back... until she literally falls over backwards! She has done this several times and it looks hilarious. I know that roborovskis are prone to a breeding fault where, due to faulty balance, they spin furiously round and round in a tight circle. I wonder whether Bashful doesn't have a shade of this... it's a shame as I won't be able to breed her now and had always thought it might be fun one day to have an entire basketful of rambling roborovski pups...

And that was MY day: how was yours?

23 comments:

sally in norfolk said...

I could have sold you some real nice fresh fish from my counter at work.... athough it does seem to be getting very expensive these days.

Akelamalu said...

Well that's a good start to healthy eating Gleds.

I wasn't laughing at your hamster honest. :)

Trixie said...

Healhy version for ya, just buy cod fillets (frozen is cheaper) thaw out, dip in a beaten egg, and place in a bag of crushed cornflakes for the 'batter'. Bake on a tray in the oven for 20 minutes, along side some spuds cut into chips, sprayed with Fry light (spray oil). Low fat and cheap!

Gledwood said...

Sally: I know the prices of even industrially crumbed frozen has shot up... scandalous fault of the EU and other international treaty persons causing fishermen to THROW BACK DEAD FISH by the tonne instead of SELLING IT FOR FOOD I mean how ridiculous is that? Everyone knows it's mad but because the vast majority of us don't SEE this going on every day we don't CARE enough to demand something's done...

Akelamalu: but I was!

Trixie: o yeah I have to try that... I'm also up for making home made pizza bases out of plain flower, sugar and water and yeast (aparently you need a bit of sugar to feed the yeast into rising...)

then again my Mum said you can just use French stick as base: far easier!!!!

Baino said...

Somehow Fish 'n Chips out of a box doesn't seem right. It needs to be freshly cooked, wrapped in newspaper and eaten on a wharf somewhere . . .I'ts prolly cheaper to buy untopped pizza bases and put your own stuff on them . . .I had a bash at pasta making and it cost three times as much as buying fresh pasta from the deli! Have fun experimenting!

Bob Dylan said...

genetic fault huh? unable to do a backflip...

molson said...

Ha. I have no fish in the freezer, but fish swim in my backyard. Sorry I've been absent, but been very busy trying to sell my house and the fishy backyard. Time to get some pikas in the backyard. It may not happen anytime soon though.

carrie said...

i <3 fish-n-chips drenched in malt vinegar

Anonymous said...

I've just started checking in on your blog. Such fun. Love the hamster stuff. I'm a huge animal fan and a junkie. Ever think about going vegan?

Lucinda said...

I had the American version of that today... chicken strips and fries. Haha, it's my favorite comfort food. Something fried with fries, is always tasty! = )

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Puss-in-Boots said...

I like fish'n'chips and we have large warehouses, I suppose you'd call them, on the bay where you can buy fish, shellfish and crustaceans straight off the trawlers...so fresh...yummmm. Unfortunately, the nearest one is about an hour's drive away, but that's ok...I still go and get my fresh fish.

Bimbimbie said...

Are you sure little Baby Bashful isn't short sighted and she was just simply peering adoringly your way and forgot to straighten up in time ... poor thing it does sound very funny though.

We visited Paris in '90 and got to see the Mona Lisa, just, thanks to the hundreds of pushy Japanese tourists. It's funny because of it's fame I was expecting to see a huge painting and almost walked past it but for the hundreds of Japanese tourists *!*

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ You did well with the fish, chips and tomatoes. You used to cook more at the old place didn't you? Bashful might just be over excited and not have anything wrong.
Did you get your bird feeders up yet?
Thanks for your comments and I pay my friend when she helps in the garden etc. Take care, Regards, Merle.

jim dandy said...

I think your rolly polly critters are adorable and sound entertaining as well. sorry for my not dropping by for some time, just experiencing computer burn-out and havent been to any of my fave sites this summer. I'll pop by for some yummy fish n fries when the days are cooler and the nights are longer. be well.
cheers!

edward said...

i would try the fish, anyways.

Monogram Queen said...

You are quite the cook! Mmmmm.....

your hammies are too funny (and oh so cute!)

Anonymous said...

My favorite chip shop in Toronto is called "Chippy's", however, it does not compare to my Gran's homemade which she serves in a "poke".

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, Gleds, you are quite the chef these days! What a kind man you are and your Robbie-hammmie knows she has a good billet! Love from Sicily xx

Gledwood said...

hey thanks for all those answers i'm breezing through here on thursday afternoon and time's nearly GONE as per usual so i'm away in a sec... cannot reply individually till next time (sorry!)... take care everyone...

;->...

WAT said...

I think it's funny/cute that she falls over like that. AW!

Gledwood said...

I know sad but true!

everyone else: I will get back to yous all just time is running FAR TOO SHORT!!

Gledwood said...

Who is Bob Dylan as in bloggeur?

Marion: you're talking about those "better sight without glasses" pinhole-mc-thingies I've seen? Yeah definitely, if you send me a pair...

Hi Anonymous: you going to tell me anything about who you are/where you are...?? .. ??? {;->...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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