HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Boiling to Death (in December)

I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING TOO HOT, not at this time of year, but honestly: some berk has put the central heating to such a furnace-like high, I frequently wake in the night thinking I've got childhood scarlet fever back. In the day I sweat so heavily it comes out in conkers.

Anyway I've a recipe here. Only really bad cooks will want to take advice from it. But here is how you do an elementary pasta dish.

The first thing to note is that the times given on cooking instructions for pasta tend, if anything, to be too long, so bear that in mind or else you'll risk overcooking your pasta to a floppy wet goo. Or a "paste", as the word originally means.

Basically bring a load of pasta to the boil. Measure out dry portions in bowls then you won't get sizes terminally wrong like so many seem to do...

Meanwhile, fry an onion (ideally in a wok), then fry mushrooms, anything else you wish to, sweetcorn from a tin. Add a can of chopped tomatoes. These you flash-fry (with the tomatoes) so hot you'd believe you were burning them. Sizzling away at them reduces the water-content. Delia Smith says that to make professional-style pasta sauces you need to simmer tomatoes on a low heat for hours on end to reduce them to a concentrated pulp. If you just oversizzle for a few minutes you'll begin to achieve this effect. Add herbs (esp. oregano that the police thought was cannabis last time they stopped me). When the pasta's done, drain then throw into the wok and stir all over. Ensure the seasoning's right (add pepper). Dole out half into a bowl. Add grated cheese + parmesan. Mix. Dole out more. Add cheese again. Mix. Ta-daa you're ready!

And if you really needed my instructions to achieve something like that I worry for you...

10 comments:

Whitenoise said...

Hey Gled. :-) Might have to try some of your receipes once I get some time off. Cheers.

Bimbimbie said...

On my last visit back there I noticed everyone's home seemed uncomfortably warm and all wore summer clothes in the middle of winter *!*

Anonymous said...

Getting pulled over for oregano, huh? You're funny!

Crushed said...

At least you HAVE central heating...

I'm writing this in my jacket, I'm that cold..

Janice Seagraves said...

I usually use ragu and boil and drain my pasta before adding the sauce.

Nicole said...

Gled, you should be able to control the temperature of your central heating in your room, you should be able to turn the knob, if it's anything like the one we had in Amsterdam.

Gledwood said...

Whitenoise: be my guest! Pls don't complain tho when you have to take time off work for dysentry...

Bimbimbie: I came back from India in January: our London townhouse was HOTTER than Goa or Chennai!!!

Geri:
funny but true!! ;->...

Gledwood said...

Crushed: last place was so shiversome I woke up like a block of ice even in AUGUST...

Janice: yeah man that's what I do too.. Never cook the pasta any way xcept by boiling... other stuff comes later... hope I made that clear: I don't fry dry pasta twirls..(!!!)

Nicole: I have to use a dead metal lever on side of radiator that you only get a "result" from after 24 hours of extra boiling/shivering. Somebody downstairs has the ultimate controls that are taken out of my hands....

Baino said...

If you're not sure whether you're pasta's al dente or not, pick a piece out of the pan and throw it against the tiles in your kitchen (or the fridge) if it sticks, it's done. Clearly doesn't work for rigatoni, gnocchi or spirali hehe . Oh and at least you have 'controls'. We don't have air con so . . .it's just hot!

Gledwood said...

I always do al dente I hate overcooked esp with tortelloni or worse ravioli it totally ruins it letting in volcanically hot scalding water which does not go nicely on the old tastebuds...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood