HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010


A BLACKBIRD was chirping its head off on the roof.

They sing the most glorious song ...

Eine Amsel saß auf dem Dach. Sie zirpte laut. Das Lied ist erstaunlich.

Look at this, you can see it right close up chanting and chirrupping away:

If you watch this through you see the most amazing woodpecker poking at the peanut-feeder. All black and white with bits of red, like an old dog-blanket!

Some German garden blogs I've been reading:
Lunas Garten-Rosen
Herz und Leben
Jouir la vie

(I found many other good ones but these were all my Browser would list for me.)

Wenn Sie dies in der deutschen Sprachwelt lesen, bitte lassen Sie Ihren Kommentar hinter!
Wenn Sie dies lesen in der deutschen Sprachwelt, lassen Sie bitte ihren Kommentar hinter!

(Welcher ist korrekt?)
(Weder das eine?)

Danke schön, Gattina:
Wenn Sie dies in deutsch lesen, lassen Sie bitte einen Kommentar.


Gledwood said...

Chirpy-chirpy-chirrruppa-tweetle-di-deetle-eeeeeeee(!!)... Chirp.

Gledwood said...

O come on someone leave a comment. Are blackbirds so very boring..?

Akelamalu said...

No blackbirds are definitely not boring Gleds! We have lots in our garden all trying to claim the territory. Their song is just beautiful. :)

Gattina said...

Beides ist falsch ! es muss heissen :Wenn Sie dies in deutsch lesen, lassen Sie bitte einen Kommentar.

Sprachwelt sagt man nicht in diesem Fall und "hinter" ist nur hinter dem Haus !

Of course you can ask me what I did before I do nothing anymore ! I certainly wasn't a teacher, what an horrible idea. In fact I was Assistant to the Sales manager for whole Europe, especially for Germany and France in an American fibre company. But I have also worked for a chemical company, a marketing company, an export (to Iran) company etc etc. I had so many choises because of German and English in a French speaking country. And I forget Italian. When I was fat up in a company I looked for another,it was as easy as that. Looking back now, I really had a funny time, especially when I had to write the "good bye" letters for my (married) boss to his girlfriends, because his writing wasn't that good, lol. I also had a lot of tissues in my drawer !

Syd said...

I like to listen to red wing black birds that are in the marsh. They have a wonderful sound.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu:> aren't they amazing? Did you know for years I thought the only song they had was the chip-chip-chipping noise they make when the cat prowls too near their babies...

Gattina: it was incredibly hard to guess what type of job you would have done bc you strike me as a v capable lady; also I don't think you would be the type of person to endure a working enivonment that was too high powered or stressful just for the prestige or to put it another way you seem to me someone who v much appreciates quality of life. Now you see why I wanted to learn languages now ~ the same reason you got so far ahead! I know my German is terrible. I never ever know quite how to say anything quite right bc the grammar is so kompliziert! I can understand it pretty Ok now. But I'm sure those poor German gardeners were quite bemused suddenly to get comments in pigeon German from someone they've never heard of before!!

PS How much dirhams did you want for the cows' heads..??!?

Syd: do you think they're the same type of blackbird as we have here? With orange-yellow-rimmed eyes? I was amazed on googling the Great Tit (yes that really is the name ~ one of our prettiest birds, similar to the blue tit pictured in the Evil Mr Fox post) that these birds have a range of habitation from the UK (but not N America, hence the titters and cackles I get when I mention them!) down through Europe, across the Russian steppes and a bit of N Africa, right down to India and even Thailand and up through China, Korea and Japan!!! And there was me thinking of them as "British" garden birds...



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood