HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Isn't Simi beautiful?

YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP. I had to post this. Here's what Google Translate made of my post yesterday about Welshcakes Limoncello's little doggie Simi. After reading this I had to alter the word Ampel, which I was told meant flower pot, but actually means a kind of hanging basket ~ though, as the translator correctly identified, the normal meaning of that word is traffic light!

HERE is the dog of my friend Welshcakes Limoncello in Sicily, the Simi (short for Simon) is called. This stretches the fluffy teddy bear after a tiring Pelzschnitt. His coat is pure gold reingesponnenes, is not it? Maybe if Welshcakes planting the scrap into a traffic light, not a gold tree would grow from this?? Now barking Simi: woof woof-tootle-complain-i-coo-i-bone-knocking. She says: please come and tell you how beautiful I am! Here is the link.

(Simi speaks English, Italian and French and, of course, Doggie, but no German ...)


And this is the original English translated into German.

Dies ist mein Freund WELSHCAKES 'Dog SIMI wobei eine Pause nach einem anstrengenden Fell geschnitten. Ist sie nicht der süßeste kleine trotterdonkey du je gesehen hast? Ihr Fell ist aus reinem Gold gesponnen. Ich hoffe, Welshkcakes hält die Stecklinge. Vielleicht, wenn du sie pflanzen, werden sie in eine Gold-Baum wachsen ...
Nun ist Simi mich Bellen: Woof Woof-groany-bone--a-doodle. Sie sagt: Kommen Sie vorbei und lassen Sie mir eine Nachricht zu erzählen, wie schön ich bin, ist der Link hier.


If you compare both languges, you'll note they aren't direct translations. I wanted to see how Simi's barking onomatapoeia came across. I had to scan the German dictionary specifically for rhymes, which the translator dealt with rather well. In English-German, as you can see, it gave up all together and shoved the English woofs straight through!

AREN'T THESE SIMI PICTURES AMAZING? Did you ever see such golden fur? And who says doggies can't smile?! If you're wondering what breed she is, btw, Simi is a Porkshire cross...

Was für phantastische Simi-Bilder, nicht wahr? Habt ihr jemals solche goldene Fell gesehen? Wer sagt, dass Hündchen nicht lächeln können? Falls fragt Ihr euch, Simi ist Yorkshire Terrier-Mischling.


16 comments:

Heidegeist said...

Simon, du bist wunderschön und so richtig zum lieb haben. Viele Grüße sendet dir und dein Frauchen Inge

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

What a muffin!

Gledwood said...

:-)
Here is my message to Simi:
Meine Meldung an Simi

Simi tu sei il cane più bello d 'oro del mondo.

Ich hoffe, das ist recht!
I hope that's right ;-)

Gledwood said...

I speak no Italian but I'd guess it actually goes like this:

Ich spreche keine Italienisch, aber ich wurde ahnen es geht so:

Simi tu sei il cane d'oro più bello del mondo.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Haha! The google translation gave both Simi and me a good laugh! I'm always telling my students that electronic translators are crap and this proves it. Thank you for featuring us again. Your Ital's right, Gleds. And thanks to all your kind commenters above. Love, woofs and kissies from Simi and me. xx woof!

Gledwood said...

Hi Pat (I feel strange calling you Pat and not Welshcakes...)

;-)....

you're welcome, isn't Simi the most gorgeous, beautiful little golden trotterdonkey

that's one reason i wanted a norwich terrier ~ they're the same type of size and colour as Simi

as Flapper would say to that: coooo!


ps I thought their Italian word order sounded wrong; but i sill don't get why there's a tu in there? Simi tu sei... doesn't that mean "Simi you know"...? or something %-/...{}

google translate is only good I think as a dictionary, but you need to sort the grammar yourself. even my terrible tangled German grammar is better than Google's!

Neckarstrand said...

Ein ganz "goldiger" Hund. Man muß ihn liebhaben.
Liebe Grüße
Irmi

Gledwood said...

Ihr Gesicht erinnert mich an "Fuzzypeg", der Igel aus ein Kinderbuch...

Ela said...

hi gled,
no, honestly, i never really thought you're mad... i just wanted to get you up a little bit.
it just hurts me to see someone (nice) getting through what you're getting through.
today i was very busy, i couln't get much into the blogs.
obviously, i was pretty lucky to get good help years ago in germany.
on top of treatment i was away in a clinic for 8 weeks and later on for 6 weeks. it was a 24-7 treatment. but i wasn't that bad as you are now.
i'm thinking a lot about you... but in a nice way.
i really wish you feel better soon.
by the way... simi is realy so cute.
hi is a cuttly-cutie!
keep it up, hey...
ela

Gledwood said...

Cheers Ela!
I went to rehab twice in one year. Both times I was out the door within a couple of days. That is a pathetic track record but it's one of the things that led to my not trusting myself or my motives. I never used to be that kind of feckless person. I used to decide to do things and do them. Since heroin I just haven't had the will... that is my bigget problem.
Meanwhile I've decided not to rush about blatherinig how I so want to stop, I think it's better to go on and save my energy till I'm ready to commit it ~ does that make sense?
Simi is one of the most beautiful li'l doggies I've seen... she is a girl though!

Gattina said...

The Google translation in hilarious ! I laughed my head off, I had to read the english text to understand the German google !!

Gledwood said...

I like the way it translated Simi's German barking into English:

Now barking Simi: woof woof-tootle-complain-i-coo-i-bone-knocking.

Ela said...

hello gled,
that makes absolutely sence!
that is the only way it could possibly work.
when you are ready!
i'm glad you're thinking that way, it shows that you haven't given up yet.
have a great day!
ela

Gledwood said...

HI Ela... yeah you're right. I'm glad you understand though. Sometimes people have thought I blogged about my problems as a cry for help, which it isn't meant to be. The answer to most of it has to come from me and that's why I despair!
xx

Syd said...

Simi is really cute. I hope that you get a dog.

Gledwood said...

Do you see why I wanted a Norwich terrier? They're golden, too :-)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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