HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Roborowski Hamster

FURRY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY
PELZIGER FREITAG AUF SAMSTAG



Roborovski pygmy hamsters are the tiniest of all hamsters.
Roborowski Zwerghamster sind die kleinste aller Hamsterarten.



Even as grown-ups, they're just 5cm/2in long!
Als Erwachsene, werden sie nur 5cm lang!


They are beautiful...
Sie sind sehr hübsch...


Roborovskis love living together. They are the most social of all hamster species and eat, sleep and play together.
Roborowskis leben sehr gern miteinander. Sie sind auch die geselligsten alle Hamsterarten, die gerne miteinander essen, spielen und schlafen.


Roborovski babies are so tiny...
Roborowskibabys sind so klitzeklein...


... and cute!
... und goldig!



VERLORENEN ROBOROWSKI GESCHICHTE
Wann ich Roborovski Pygmäehamstern hatte, habe ich die ein Paarmal verloren... ach!
Zwei Tage lang, keine Spur.
Dann, nach Mitternacht sah ich etwas klitzekleines, wie ein pelzartiger Pingpongball mit Augen, der blitzschnell der Bettzimmer herüber schoss ~ und, was für ein Schweinhund, hinter dem Bett verschwand.
Der Roborowski Zwerghamster ist der kleinster, schnellster Hamster aller Welt. Kein Wunder ich konnte ihn nicht anfassen.
Endlich warf ich eine Bettdecke darüber. Er war sehr unheilvoll, und ging zurück zum Glühlampekästchennest mit zornigem Gesicht :-)

16 comments:

Angelina de Satura said...

Bonjour Gledwood,
Tu as fait une faute en allemand
„sterben“ = „die“ English= „mourir“ français

Je trouve les hamsters aussi très mignon.

Bye!

Gledwood said...

ou se trouve cette faute? dans ton blogue francais?... il me faut la trouver...

Angelina de Satura said...

Très bizarre... ta fauten´est plus là :D

Gledwood said...

OU LA LA!

jams o donnell said...

Ah they are little cuties!

Gledwood said...

aye!

Ela said...

hi gled,
the little hamsters r soooooooooo
soooooooo sooooooooooooooo sweet!
r they u's?
lucky you!
hugs
ela

Gledwood said...

I used to have robos but they died of old age
I'm terrified to get new ones as my new house as 1" gaps under the doors ~ high enough for a little robbie to pass under whilst waving hands in the air for sheer joy!
:-)

Neckarstrand said...

Ach Gledwood,
jetzt ist da Ela mit ihrem perfekten Englisch, Angelina mit guten Französisch und ich getraue mich nicht mehr, nur noch in Deutsch zu schreiben.
Dabei gefällt es mir hier sehr gut.
Einen schönen Abend wünscht Dir
Irmi

Arjan said...

going to have to look up the comment-conversation we had..
Thesis got in the way of anything except work (yes, also in the way of sleep and decent meals).

You're quite the language mirracle :)

Sternenzaubers Geschichtenhimmel said...

Lieber Gledwood!
Tierisch gut, Deine herzige Geschichte! Danke!
Herzlichst und mit lieben Grüssen, immer wieder gerne
Franziska Sternenzauber

Syd said...

They are adorable. I liked reading about your hamsters.

Bimbimbie said...

The return of the hamster*!*

Sarcastic Bastard said...

The babies are adorable.

Liz said...

Have you thought about getting new robos?

Gledwood said...

IRMI: sorge dich nicht! Dein Englisch ist viel besser als das Deutsch der meisten Englaender!

ARJAN: you're calling me a language miracle..? And you're DUTCH?? C'mon!

FRANZISKA: danke schoen liebe Franziska :-)

SYD: I miss 'em

BIMBIMBIE: aye!

SB: very much so. Did you notice some are white-faced. (Really, I wish people would just leave animals alone ~ inbred robos, esp. whitefaced varieties, are prone to roborovski spinning syndrome, which looks entertaining, bc they appear to be chasing their tails. But they're not. They're just really dizzy and not having fun at all and it's a genetic fault.
When Itchy got old she developed this fault. Nowhere near as badly as she could have. But kept falling over. And it was not funny at all.

LIZ: yes but I'm terrified of them getting lost. There's practically a one inch gap under my main door, which they could get under like a double decker bus driving into the Channel Tunnel. I COULD fix one of those brush things to the door, but they're not stupid, they're attracted to drafts and know airflow means FREEDOM (remember they live in burrows). So it's big Golden Syrian hammies for me... or a budgie even. In a way I'd love a budgie. They can get so tame and entertaining...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood