HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Winter wren/Zaunkönig

THIS is one of the birds I hear singing right outside my window. It perches one tree along from Flapper and Chogstable's cherry tree, chirruping like crazy most of the day:

Dieser Vogel singt direk bei meinem Fenster. Er sitzt oben im Baum daneben dem Kirschenbaum von Flapper und Chogga. Meiste Zeit des Tages, zwitschert er wie verrückt!

VIDEO: with amazingly clear picture. I like the bit with the caterpillar best...
VIDEO: das Bild ist erstaunlich klar. Der Moment mit der Raupe gefällt mir am Besten...



Picture/Bild aus Gartenbilder

DAWN CHORUS: BRITISH GARDEN BIRDS IN JUNE
MORGENDLICHEN GESANG DER BRITISCHEN GARTENVOGEL: JUNI



18 comments:

Gattina said...

To your questions :"Ich habe schon so lange keine mehr singen hören".means that she hasn't heard a single nightingale singing since ages" and I too ! I can't believe that you have nightingales in London in your street !! Anyway I am not a bird specialist, I only know robins and sperlings, that's like with flowers.
I paint in acrylic, because it dries quick, oil stinks and is too slow for me. Now I am off to the sea for the day, it's only 100 km and will listen to the songs of seagulls !

Gledwood said...

Last time I was at the seaside I threw red hot chips at a herring gull who either didn't notice or didn't care... either way, we named him "Gullable"!!

PS I'm with you on acrylics. Why bother with "it'll still be wet in 2018" oils when ya got them?!

How on earth Van Gough managed to slap out 5 pictures a day or whatever it was in oil is beyond me.

Also from what I know, his technique, as far as conservation goes, was dire. Oil must be applied as sparingly as possible so it does NOT crack and fall off. He slathered the stuff on like there was no tomorrow!

gama said...

thanks for information...

Gledwood said...

you're welcome :-)

Angelina de Satura said...

Ja, die Szene mit der Raupe finde ich auch ganz toll! Erstaunlich, dass der Zaunkönig wegfliegt, als sie ihm zu nahe kommt... ob die Raupe giftig ist oder ist der Vogel Vegetarier?

Liebe Grüße

Heidegeist said...

Vielen Dank für deinen Besuch in meinem Blog und die lieben Kommentare. Deine Geschichten hier sind auch sehr liebenswert. Viele Grüße von Inge

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I'd like to comment on this, Gledds, but I don't understand this German shit. Sorry.

Nice picture!

Melindaville said...

Love the videos! Great blog--glad I found it!

Melinda

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

Uhm, Ich haben in zer Toronto Canada? Ze wedder ist warrum und windig? Tag? Strasse? Konig? Berlin? Hund?

I suck.

Bimbimbie said...

Thanks for the birdsongs Gleds, that little wren when slowed down sounds pretty good too, loved the interaction with the caterpillar*!*

e said...

Just popped in to see how you're doing and what's up. Sorry I've not been blogging as usual, but I'll have more time to catch up once this job ends tomorrow. The bird life in your street is lovely.

Gledwood said...

Angelina: vielleicht war die Raupe zu groß für sie!

Inge:
Gern geschehen! (Is das die rechte Ausdruck? Ich meine:) Herzlich Willkommen!

SB: hang on a sec, everything I wrote in German I put up in English too, y'know! There's no mystery. {That is a Geheimnis to you ;->...}

Gledwood said...

Melindaville: Hi! I've been following your blog for ages, y'know!

Bimbimbie: I once saw a TV prog where they slowed down animals (and sped up tortoises) in line with lifespan ~ most things then moved at the same speed. And tiny the tiny tits/etc suddenly no longer looked anxiously about 3 times every second!

e: Hi! We seem to have more birds this year than any year past. A hedgefull of sparrows for one thing, and "common" sparrows almost disappeared over the last 20 years.. .yeah I'm doing OK, thanks...

Reeny: that was a pretty good impression; did you do German at school?

What I've found is that people who do languages till 16 (GCSE/O Level here) usually seem to've forgotten year later but A level language (age 18) is enough to stick in the head and become a foundation for something further later on...

Reeny's Ramblin' said...

I took one German course in high school...

Gledwood said...

Did you get the school certificate in German?... Whatever Canadian exams are called..? Me having not the faintest idea, sorry

Syd said...

Nice about the birds. Too tired to work on German.

Gledwood said...

I'm too tired for German too. I know when I am, suddenly it turns into incomprehensible gobbledygook. Glass mostly full becomes a glass mostly empty :-(

detox said...

Great video!! Thanks!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood