HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Robin chirping its head off in bush....

On again with my birdsong theme.

Here's a robin having a chirp on a twig with water glistering attractively behind...

The song seems to me even more intricate than Tuesday's blackbird's or yesterday's thrush's.

See what you think:

Noch weiter mit dem Vogellieder-Thema.

Hier gibt's ein Rotkelchen, das auf einem Zweig zirpt, mit glanzvollem Wasser dahinter.

Mir scheint das lied noch verwickelter als die Amsel von Dienstag oder die Drossel von Gestern.

Was denken Sie...?*

*Franziska, Gattina und andere Deutsch-sprechender ~ bitte hilft Ihr mich!
Ist meine Grammatik korrekt?
Ist das die richtige Übersetzung?


Gattina said...

Are you spending the night in a cyber café or do you have an own computer now ?
Here is your corrected sentence

Ich verstehe nicht genau was zu tun. Sollte ich dann die Geld-Bilder auf mein eigenem Blog posten?

Soll ich Geldbilder auf meinen eigenen Blog "posten" (that's not really German, but used as many English words)

Yes, that's what I said. A photo of your wallet and some bank notes and coins, lol !

Sternenzaubers Geschichtenhimmel said...

Lieber Gledwood
Da bin ich nun. :-) Schön bei Dir! Muss aber wohl noch ein bisschen mein Englisch aufpolieren. :-)
Dann stöbere ich jetzt mal in Deinem Blog.
Liebe Grüsse und mein Lächeln
Franziska Sternenzauber

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Gattina: Ach Scheiße! Ich wußte, ich wurde einigen Fehlern machen!

Vielen Danke, Gattina. Ich brauchte nur eine Ausflucht etwas auf Deutsch zu tippen. Wo anders könnte ich die Bilder wirklich ankleben?

(And I bet there's at least one mistake there, too!)

Meine Grammatik ist so schlecht, dass ich schnell vermutete, dass ich keinen Kursus bis zwei oder drei Jahren anfangen könnte! Nach mehr als 25 Jahren montieren die Beugungen immer noch nicht im Gehirn!

Gledwood said...

Herzlich Willkommen Franziska! Jeden tag poste ich meistens einige Bilder. Von jetzt an werde ich besonders für Dich ein Bisschen Deutch darunter schreiben!

Vor zwei oder drei Tage fand ich deinen Blog, aber dann dachte ich, ich hatte Dich irgendwo im Netz verloren! Dann Gestern klikte ich an dem Blog Deiner Freundin ~ und was Glück! ~ da warst Du in der Kommentarzone!

Also noch einmal viele Grüßen!

(Es tut mir so leid das meine Grammatik so furchtbar sei!)

Liz said...

You've reminded me: I'm supposed to be looking up some Latin. A friend wants a Latin tattoo saying either No retreat, no surrender or Today is a good day to die. And he wants them grammatically correct in Latin.

Gledwood said...

No retreat, no surrender is apparently

Nullus recessus, nulla traditio

I think the null word alters due to the gender of the nouns...


Gledwood said...

"Today is a good day to die" seems to be more difficult it is discussed here


and here


and here


I hope that's a start for you /for him.

I would make "darn" sure I had it right b4 I got anything tattooed on me, that's for sure!!

Liz said...

Thanks, gleds. Yes, male -us and female -a.

I think I need to do the sentence as 'today to die a good day is' because verbs go at the end. I'll look up your links though.

Syd said...

I like the robin song. Your German is beyond me without a trusty dictionary.

joven said...

hi, you have nice blog.. u can view also mine..http://akoniwares.blogspot.com

Gledwood said...

Liz: verbs at the end...? O yeah "dulce et decorum est"... I see what you mean. I wish I could speak Latin. To me, it doesn't look "foreign", so much as something very stately and noble that I ought to understand!!

Syd: ah but how many years did you slog through in German? I think I've done about 6 years. This is why I say my German is terrible. It "should" be much better...

German grammar I find fiendishly difficult. Far harder than Welsh or Japanese ever was, especially those declensions that I'm only now starting to feel I have some grasp of.
I concentrated on getting a good passive understanding ~ of books, magazines, film and TV progs. Then the German is fun. I wanted to build on that to get to degree level (even if I don't do a degree)
You can get it better Syd, all it takes is practice practice practice

Joven: OK I'll come pay a visit. Take it easy ...

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ I liked all the bird songs, as I only have blackbirds around here, and sometimes a
Willy Wagtail which has a nice call.
It seems we are never happy about our weather.
Glad you like the Bible story and jokes. I am glad you have your local
Take-away sorted out.
Take care, my friend. Regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Merle: Hi I'm glad you're sounding well ;->...
I am surprised you have blackbirds in Melbourne. There was me thinking they were English!! (Surely someone didn't actually go and export them Down Under because they missed the song?... Who knows??... Maybe they did!)

Syd: I just remembered to say ~ if you can open Google translate from google.de in another window that is v handy. I wouldn't dare use it to translate my comments though. Its grammar is even worse than mine (which is saying a LOT ;->...)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I didn't put your name to it, but I posted your comment from Anna's blog about Rush Limbaugh (Limbo). It cracked me up. Very perceptive of you. Hope you don't mind. Sadly, it is indeed a top-rated radio show over here. Rush is a big fat sweaty republican pig, and I DESPISE him. He is dumb as a tree.

Love you!


Gledwood said...

O no of course I don't mind, I'm most flattered it chimed in the Homeland!

Ich liebe Dich auch ... as we say in der Schweiz (Switzerland)

Gattina said...

I would say "mit glänzendem Wasser"
anyway word games are difficult to translate, "Tuesday's blackbird's or yesterday's thrush's" certainly has another meaning, but I am not very much poetry ! Ausserdem heisst es : "Helft mir" ! oder "Helfen Sie mir"
To Morocco, you were 18 or 19 when you were in Morocco if you were there in 1991. Of course it has changed a lot but not the ruins.
French is still the second official language and everybody who went to school speaks reads and writes it. Now anyway EVERYBODY has to go to school. Morocco was for year under French "Protection" not to say a colony.
Since there the new king, everything has changed. Does a lot for his country and there is a big economical booming there especially in constructions, they built and built new buildings and houses everywhere. He also brought back all the money his father had put into accounts in Switzerland and Lichtenstein etc to help developping the very poor south.

Gattina said...

Don't answer my comments on your blog I never come back once I have commented otherwise I would spent the whole day by visiting blogs twice ! Send me an email if you have a question or you want an answer.
I saw my name and noticed that you had answered me in German :

"Meine Grammatik ist so schlecht, dass ich schnell vermutete, dass ich keinen Kursus bis zwei oder drei Jahren anfangen könnte! Nach mehr als 25 Jahren montieren die Beugungen immer noch nicht im Gehirn!"
so muss es heissen : .... dass ich vermute keinen Kursus vor zwei oder drei Jahren anfangen zu können. Nach mehr als 25 (????) Jahren habe ich es immer noch nicht begriffen.
Sorry but the Beugung im Gehirn, ist lustig !
Your German is very good. Everybody makes mistakes and it is a difficult language when it is not your mother tongue ! I don't know anything in grammar !!

BTW you are 36 according to your profile and started learning German more than 25 years ago ? then you were only 11 although I am very bad in calculations, lol ! There must be something wrong.



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood