Asparagus Cup A Soup

IT'S nearly half past seven in the morning. I got up at 5. Drank the methadone which came on about half an hour ago. I don't feel freezing cold anymore. I'm trying to hold out for another hour when Morrisons will be open for 8x Asparagus Cup A Soups for £1.50 (with croutons). You have to be so careful when selecting Cup A Soup varieties. Not every single one has croutons in it, which could spell tragedy if you're planning to watch lots of television that night.

Well I went to bed at 3pm yesterday. I don't remember much about yesterday because I was stone cold sober and not taking drugs (nothing to remember, you could argue). I remember talking to the mental nurse about insomnia and she says "yeah it makes you feel wiry and hyped up" and I thought WHAT?? Not sleeping used to just make me irritable and drowsy. Ever since I went nuts in December, it does make my mind race, which is really good fun. I was humming tunes all up and down the High Road yesterday.

I got some new pills. The chemist was quibbling that the address on the anti-psycho pills is different from the one on my methadone. That is because the antipsycho pills come from my GP. I live outside the GP's catchment area now. So I can't inform them, otherwise I'll get chucked off their books and have no doctor (yet again). The trainee girl at my chemists really hates doling out methadone. It's a class A drug, same as diamorphine (though nowhere near as exciting, at least diamorphine comes in injectable amps; these days methadone is nearly always a nasty thick syrup).... Methadone either comes pre-mixed, or else the pharmacist must sully a gram of beautiful shiny white powder by tipping it into a litre bottle of nasty gloop. I heard in the olden days some chemists would just give you your methadone dry so you could inject it at home. That doesn't happen now. (I wish I had an old-fashioned chemist though.) The younger generation hate even handling it. The slightest spillages must be written up. Every dose must be signed and countersigned. It's a real pain. She keeps checking my address and date of birth even though I've been coming in for over 2 years.

Well I used no heroin yesterday and drank so little alcohol it was nearly all sat on the side untouched this morning. The yearning for gear is diminishing as we speak. I wish they'd at least prescribe injectable methadone amps at my clinic. If they did, I might have had a chance to give up years ago. The clinic don't really care how anyone's doing. As long as their jobs are safe, that's all they care about.

Once I'm stabilized back on the crappy gunk I need to get off it as fast as possible. It's still my goal to go on to Suboxone, but I wouldn't trust the clinic to handle the switchover. I'd rather do it myself, using Suboxone I've bought on the street. You can cut down buprenorphine at a rate of 1mg per day without feeling any untoward effects. But the changeover from methadone to Suboxone is traumatic. They should really switch you to something short acting like dihydrocodeine for a week first. But they don't. They tell you to stop taking methadone for 2 or 3 days and get really ill. So what people actually do is go on to heroin for a few days without telling the clinic. Then you let the heroin start to detox out of you and take the Suboxone somewhere between 12 and 18 hours after your last dose. With methadone you have to go 48 hours which is too long to feel ill. And you have an inept titration nurse supervising the torture. I'd rather be shot through the head than go through that.

Well there's no news. It's 10 to 8. Morrisons will be opening in about half an hour so I'll be sorted for Asparagus soup before we know it. I could do with one of their cheese and red peppers breads to dip in it.

I wonder if they do currant flavour Club biscuits? Those are really nice with a cup of tea. The Royle family eat Club biscuits, you know. They also eat Waggon Wheels, which are yucky. And Kit Kats which I was never that into. A health food nutter once told me Kit Kats contain blood from pigs' brains. I'm sure they had a source high up in the factory keeping them informed.

There's nothing else to write so I've got to go. More bloody methadone to collect. I hate that stuff. See ya later.