HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, May 06, 2011

Valerie: latest report!

MY GOOD "FRIEND" VALERIE, China White Heroin Queen of southern Australia has been sending more highly confidential emails to Anna Grace, a key drugs player in the Wisconsin-Chicago region of the USA:~

Valerie said...
O Anna Anna Babe

WHY THIS OBSESSION WITH THAT FUCKWIT GLEDWOOD? You really need drastic psychotherapy on this one. I can't believe I'm saying this. Seven years chained to a bed in a Cambodian brothel and my counsellor believed I had "issues of sexual trust" well WOULDN'T YOU??!

I only did "therapy" to pass the time in prison. Whingeing bitches trying to get their hands on my drug supply 24/7, totally did my head in. (Not that I wasn't profiting heavily and QUEEN OF THAT PLACE. But still....) I ended up with post traumatic stress disorder when I ran out of crack, didn't I?

Normally I wouldn't advise anybody waste their time with a counsellor but you, Honeytits, you sound like you really need it.

As for the suicide shit. That's obviously a lack of Dilaudid and other strong opiates speaking. I felt suicidal when I was in that shithole of a women's jail on only 800mg methadone. I willingly accepted the detox in order to bring down my tolerance for a bit. Remember I poked the governor's eyes out with a nifty V sign, when she complained that my constant use of her computer between 10pm and 4am (only hours that sad bitch didn't work) was "turning her office into my personal fiefdom". She also seemed to have a problem with the constant supply of dancing boys and vodka I brought in. Didn't care so much about the drugs supply. That was safely stashed up Ho Ling and Fat Trish's private parts. But the bitch wanted to teach me a lesson and I thought "a change is as good as a rest" coupla weeks on methadone bored the living shit out of me I was so glad to get out of the punishment block and back to crack, smack and reality.

The old crack was making me see and hear an old witch cackling over her couldron. The doc said it was just to be expected after a lifetime of hard drugs abuse. But that fucking old hag kept me awake all night with her cackling laughter. Except when I was bombed outta me head on illicit Rohypnol.

I've never been chased by a giant teddybear like you have, but I do have irritable bowels syndrome as I said before. That involves a constant cycling and mood swings of the bowels: a fluctuation between football-sized lumps of constipation and the raving shits that squirt out so fast you wouldn't believe it. So I thoroughly sympathize with what you're going through with this bipolar disorder.

Now darling are you going to divorce this saddo cyber husband of yours or shall I turn up at yours with a twelve-bore and shoot you right between the eyes. Put you right out of your misery that would. I've SEEN that loser Gledwood. Not only does he look like a homeless as he himself says but he stinks, is covered in needle marks including where he's shot up in that vein on his forehead. And he hasn't washed his straggling hair in about ten years. Looks like an about-to-be-binned floor mop it does.

Now Honeybuns cheer up why doncha. I sent ya a lovely million-milligrams pot of neat Dilaudid. It was addressed to Anna Grace Old. That's your name isn't it? 2057 Cedars Drive, Green Bay, WI, USA.

If you didn't get it some unsuspecting motherfucker's gonna be extremely happy that's all I say!

Email me soon, I want to know you're OK. As for that Anonymous saying you're a big mac addict ~ so am I, darling, so am I. Only ever want one after a golfball sized shot of China White Heroin which means I'm about 200lbs overweight... but there we go!

Ta-ra sweetypies and CHINA UP.

Fuckit china white on the brain, me. I meant CHIN UP.

BYE BYE BABY AND KICK THAT FUCKING LOSER GLEDWOOD OUTTA YOUR MIND. YOU'RE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!

Your loving friend

Valerie

xoxoxox

May 5, 2011 9:07 AM




Valerie said...
And RSVP this time you miserable sow. Do you KNOW how difficult it is to tap this shit into a blackberry with a French manicure, one whining husband asking where the last quarter key of crack has gone and two little shits blithering away in a Central Asian language? I mean my little DARLING KIDS whingeing away in Chinese that they want their dinner. Fucking Chinese nanny did a runner when she realized we were A-grade druggies didn't she. Now I'm lumbered with 2 kids fluent in Mandarin who barely know a word of English. They go to the Chinese school down the road. Thought it would be an investment in their future, didn't I. How was I to know English lessons were barely on the curriculum? Least it means Brucey and me can have a private conversation about the whos/what/wherefores of our Conspiracy to Supply All Australia With pure A-grade white smack doesn't it. But apart from that it's a real fucker not being able to communicate with your own offspring.

They stay in the house next door so's not to get under our feet what with the constant piping/hitting up/drinking/all night cards parties and swinging nights Brucey puts on. Get on real well with the neighbours now we do. Now that we have naked photos of them being snorting cocaine while being whipped on the arse by me dressed in a rubber cow costume, complete with milk-squirting udders. Complaints to the police have gone down 97% since Brucey's "bridge night" brainwave. Only trouble we have now is the binocular weilding old bitch opposite. Until I paid of a psychiatrist to diagnose her with paranoid schizophrenia and alzehimers and had her bundled off in restraints to the State Mental Institution.

Unfortunately there's a hole in the hedge where our Bull Mastiff escaped when we forgot to feed him for a week, so our little-shit kids are constantly running into the house complaining about Chairman Mao, silk worm blight in Hunan Province, or whatever the fuck they chatter on about.

Does your Mr Kim know any English at all? My colleagues up in those Burmese Hills say he's fluent in Cantonese which is a bit of an inconvenience considering the local languages are Burmese, Thai and Wa with a bit of Shan thrown in.

If he is, once he's done stirring the latest 10-tonne batch of shitty brown heroin into nectar of the Gods (China White) would you PLEASE arrange for him to come down here. I don't care how fucking doddery he is, or that he is patently half blind. Long as he can keep my unruly kids in order and interpret for me what the living shite they are saying, he's my man.

Gotta go darling, more crack to pipe.

PS that fucking witch shut up her constant mumblings soon as I was outta the can. See what prison does to ya? Sends yer nuts. I reckon that brown bear you saw on that crack binge, manic episode whatever the fuck it was... I reckon it was a symbol of the love you have for your oxycondom-filled old dad. I'm into psychotherapy meself, long as it's purely drug-related and I'm high on drugs when I do it. Otherwise it's like sobriety. Complete fucking waste of time!!!

Yours noddingly

Val

XxXxXxX

May 5, 2011 9:30 AM


Anna Grace said...
Valarie you old cow,

I love dirty men. The less he washes his hair the better. That Gledwood is so sweet. I heart him.

Thank God for the Dilauded you've sent because I'm sick as a dog, as my dog would be after eating parts of me while I lie there dead after shot gun blast to the head.

I'm gonna post a graffic suicide on blog today. Its of a American congress man who shots himself in the head on live TV.

don't get ideas of shooting old Bruce with a shotgun to the head.

Be safe china white queen.

Tell gledwood that I'm the worst thing that could happen to him. He's lucy I'm 3000 miles away.

All my love you daft cow.
Xoxoxox

May 5, 2011 9:20 AM




Valerie said...
O you beat me too it you fucking bitch. Thought you were going to ignore me, as per usual, I did.

What are you saying? You like stinking, scummy 100 year old looking homeless guys? Well you've found the mother of 'em all with that Gledwood, that's for sure.

Stank the house out he did in our last new year's eve party. Guests had to crowd round the barbecue and Bruce's burnt sausages just to escape the stench.

What do you mean "don't get ideas of shooting my Brucey through the head"..? Only comfort I have in life is that fantasy, babes. Truly, apart from the smack and crack that's my only comfort.

It's true the bastard invests our money in respectable enterprises: gambling houses, strip joints and whorehouses, but I'm sure I could do without him.

NOW PLEASE DO YOU KNOW OF ANY BILINGUAL MANDARIN-ENGLISH SPEAKING NANNIES PREFERABLY WITH AN OPEN MIND AND/OR DRUG HABIT WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO LOOK AFTER MY LITTLE SHITS 24/7.???

I'm willing to pay $100,000 a year just to have the little blighters taken off my hands.

I would get them adopted but Bruce bursts into tears then rides that lawnmower bare ass naked more than ever when I suggest that one.

Oh what a shitty life this is.

Personally I can't wait till the first 2 tonnes of that fresh batch of gear come through.

The current one we're on has been up an illegal immigrants anus. Smells that way too, specially if you cook it up too long.

Got to go honey. Bruce is trying to steal my pipe. As per normal

Take care and have a good time on the Dilaudid

Yours truly

Val

XxXxXxX

3 comments:

Valerie said...

GLEDWOOD TAKE THIS SHIT DOWN NOW!

Breach of copyright act 1980 section 127/B/ii: PERMISSION DENIED.

If you fail to respond in 24 hours it won't be neat heroin I'll be sending round your shithole of a house it'll be a 6 foot 5 Taliban member with a rocket launching grenade to BLAST YOU IN THE FACE

yours LOVINGLY AS ALWAYS

Auntie Val

xxx

Anna Grace said...

OH god, Valarie can be a threating bitch. A rocket launcher to the face, I'm scared for you. That woman follows through on her promises.

Gleds,
I don't want to sound like a bitch, and I don't want to promote you using heroin. I'm going to demand that you catch a little buzz, then give your house an enema. Get a big trash bag, and get rid of anything you don't need. Wash your dishes, and floors, clean your clothes. Wash yourself(as much as I don't want you to be clean seeing I love dirty old men)
Once you do this I swear on my sister's grave you will feel better. Or better yet, fly me over to London, and I will clean it for you. Are you a pack rat? Do you have a hard time throwing things away? If so you might be a hoarder. When your done cleaning, and your buzz has worn off I suggest you go out and rent/buy the movie Fight Club. The twist ending I'm sure you'll love.

I know what I'm demanding of you is hard, and belive me I get it, as I'm a lazy fuck myself. My parents do the cleaning, but they are in Arizona for the next three weeks so I get a buzz and clean, wash myself, do my hair, trim my pubic hair. Play with my boobs, walk around naked as a jay bird. Listen to music, masturbate, do anything to make yourself feel better.

I have you in my thoughts and prayers. I know sooner rather than later you'll feel happiness again. You deserve it. IF you can't clean, call a cleaning lady. I'll send you the money. I know living in a clean place makes people feel better about themselves. Seriously I'll pay for it. I really do care about you. Take me up on my offer, or clean yourself. I promise you'll feel better.

I've got to go, and shower and have a smoke.

Your friend and cyber wife,
Anna Grace
xxx

Gledwood said...

Thanks Anna I havent done fuck all re cleaning my house is crawling with cockroaches and mice (only a few cockroaches and 2 mice). My back is bad I keep going to bed in the day to avoid the world. I have to fucking clean up some time. I set my sights on next week...

if i don't manage it hopefully that 6ft 5 Taliban bastard will come and shoot me dead so I won't have no worries anyhow

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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