HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Glasses Alert

HEY! I'VE FOUND A PICTURE OF MY NEW GLASSES. These are exactly the pair that really suits me. Won't they look amazing in light brown tint??! And can't you see now why I'm so irritated at having to wait TWO AND A HALF WEEKS for this sheer trendiness to be perched on the bridge of my nose in a with snazzy amber lenses? I want to know what y'all think of my excellent taste. Frank opinions only, please!

Nah! Just kidding. Those are the horror glasses I had when I was at school. Note I say "had" not "wore". I hated them so much I'd glance at something important then, in the blink of a myopic eye they'd been snatched away to spare my dignity. Everyone wore glasses like this in the 80s. Everyone who excelled in science subjects. Or had poor social skills. Or a face full of boils. And they made most of us look like multiple child killers who spoke English as a second language. Actually what am I saying. No nation bar Britain would ever countenance such execrable eyewear.

My current specs are the only pair I've ever had that I actually like wearing. Which either says a lot about glasses or it says a lot about Specsavers' range. I've only ever shopped at Specsavers. They do live up to their name. But their staff are offhand and they take AGES to process a simple order for photochromic lenses.

They look like this:I used to have such a thing about eyewear when I was younger (contact lenses not glasses) that my parents got me a job interview at the opticians (gotta work with something you love). Never got the job. That was the old me: so tremulous, I was bleating like a lamb.

I remember when my housemates went on holiday to Mororcco. All I could think on viewing their photos was how their fly-eye shades were so two years ago. This was 1999 so you'll all know what I'm saying.

Now I've got to go. I've a haircut to think about. My friend Pinky says I should go for shaved sides and a bit longer at the top. What do y'all think? I'm neutral. I hate haircuts, just as I hate choosing spectacle frames. Any enforced gawping at my ugly mug in the mirror does my brains in.

If I do get a decent haircut I'm dying my hair too. I used to dye my hair all the time using that Sun-in bleach. I only stopped doing it when my friend Lona took me to a student-run trainee salon where a scarlet-faced, trembling 16 year old scurried back to inform me quavery-voiced, that my strand test not only MELTED under their dye, but started curling out whisps of SMOKE. The schoolmarmish supervisor strode up and demanded to know what on earth I had been putting on my hair. When I said Sun-in with a hairdryer she rolled her eyes and ordered me never to use that product again.

My hair is naturally the colour of dust from a burst vacuum cleaner bag. So what colour should I turn it? Reason I always used peroxide was that it rapidly goes the colour of spun gold with no need for any additional chemicals or colouring. And I've never used those packets of dye meant for middle aged women covering their greys. What do I do? Could my hair turn to jelly and melt? Would I be able to light cigarettes off it? I'd need a ciggie if it melted.

Well that's about all appearance-wise. I'm trying to get some self-esteeem back you see. Y'all have to bear in mind that basically the day I went on heroin was the day I gave up ever shopping for anything bar absolute essentials. Since then I literally have not bought ANY clothes, bar socks and undies. The day things really went tits up and I could no longer afford heroin was the day I turned into a street beggar, with the look to match. Teeshirts, tops, jeans etc were all donated, found on the street or fished out of bins. My footwear came from the boxes people leave behind when they buy new trainers. I used to wear army surplus. Now I just look like a street drinker on my worst days, a down-at-heel student on my better ones.

Another thing: I urgently need a dental scale and polish. My teeth are so badly stained from chain-smoking that there's pretty much no point poshing myself up until a hygenist has given me a white smile again. That service used to be free. Now it's £40 ~ NHS or not. My teeth are so rotten I fully suspect most of them to be HOLLOW. The last dentist ~ who did the emergency extraction on that molar that had rotted all the way up the root ~ was compelled to take an x-ray and read out the state of my gnashers to his surly nurse and I'm sure I heard the word "extraction" at least three times. I only had one hit of heroin and one drink before I came into that shithole of a surgery and yet he treated me like scum of the earth. I lied on the "medications taken" question. No way was I telling that bastard I was on 140mg of methadone!

OK so what should I do with this hair of mine? Ideas please. At the moment it looks like a grey mop and I hate it. I hate long hair. It's long because it hasn't been cut. Fashion doesn't come in to it. (When does fashion ever come into long hair for men?) Last time I cut it I did what I'd long fantasized about: grabbed scissors and literlaly hacked away until only a centimetre length remained. I thought it was OK. Partly because I'd recently had a psycho flare-up; mostly because I'd done 2 £20 bags of heroin before the haircut. Over the following weeks I kept finding long bits, ridiculously short bits. I looked like a fledgling bird with schizophrenia.

Branzie, my stepdad did buy me hairclippers but I'm scared of getting that ex convict look. I won't look hard with that kind of cut. I'll look like Sinead O'Connor crossed with a Red Army Faction terrorist.

So come on. Advice. Needed. DESPERATELY.

Should I shave my head grade 5, or what? Should I hand in my glasses and demand an exchange for the stylish pair up top? Should I take a mood stabilizer to stop me very nearly walking out of petshops with exotic singing finches? My life is a mess and I'm on methadone. Please help me!!




★★★★★★★★★★★★


PS don't forget today's other posts:
Furry Friday on Saturday: Shetland Ponies
Betty Ford Dead at 93
Watch the Birdie (about me nearly purchasing a singing finch for £35 + £12 for the cage)


22 comments:

Baino said...

Hahaha at least you've retained your sense of humour. Get yer teef fixed. Doesn't matter what the hair and eyewear look like if your teeth are falling out!

Gledwood said...

They're not "bad" like that picture. No black bits, gaps (the extraction was at the back)... etc. They look normal just horribly stained and BLACK on the inside from smoking. I'm really going to have to cut down. Yes give up, but at least cut down.

My hair is OFF. I clippered the whole lot to 28-30mm setting, the longest one there was (on the basis that if it's too long I can cut off more, if it's too short ain't much to do 'cept wait..!)

A whole new me!

I'm getting Sun-in tomorrow to turn it golden blond.

Bimbimbie said...

Morning Gleds :) Teeth, Specs, hair in that order thinks me.

I just saw your recent comment at mine and wanted to let you know I've had my head and nose buried in a few books lately but there have been some recent visits from Flirty white birds - got photos for you too*!*

Gledwood said...

And some red king parrots PLEASE!!

I'm afraid I did it in the order glasses, hair... teeth last (as they require a moneygrabbing dentist to sort out)... I did the hair myself and now have a tennis ball head. It suits me. About a 1000 times more than awful straggling long hair ever did!!

bugerlugs63 said...

looks like we are too late for hair cut advice ;-) brill.
Hair colour though? Golden Blond? erm? kind of depends on skin tone/eye colour.
Hoover dust LOL thats hilarious. loads of good reds about for "lads" now. Schwartzkopf (sp?) LIVE or their new range Studio.Anything from Mahoghany to berry red. Doesn't wreck your hair either like peroxide. £6 per box.
might as well experiment, 30mm of any colour will soon grow out! Check out that pony's haircut, the one in the house with the two women . .I imagine thats quite similar to your last attempt with scissors?
not bad colour though.I keep falling asleep and laptop sliding
to the floor. I will come back witn Robo-tale as i way too tired . . . just did it again

bugerlugs63 said...

well I just woke up and found laptop on the floor (lucky its ok ) and me still in armchair. The quality of things is obviously improving. The above msg was on screen wen I switched it on.
Kids have gone to car boot so I going to bed as Hamper G kept me up till 3! Dr cut my antidressants down from 20mg to 10 on Wednesday.I've got a blinding headache & feel dreadful. I'm so pleased u looking forward to "things" and getting self esteem back, thats such a good idea! I gotta go sleep. C ya later.
Take Care fuzzy head
with love
di
x

Gledwood said...

am I perverted or is that hair colour ad with boy and girl in exactly the same red shade really sexy?

i haven't touched my hair colour yet, though the length has ALL COME OFF

I'm going down the chemist this morning to browse colours

I'm thinking of getting one for women as there will be more in the packet and I should be able to use it 2 or 3 times (surely?)

I've done that laptop thing before. If it did break from falling off a lap you ought to SUE ~ it's CALLED a laptop and if it cannot take a tumble from a hight of all of 12 inches then it's seriously faulty!

How many robos have you got now?...??

Akelamalu said...

If you have an NHS dentist they are obliged, if you ask for one, to give you a scale and polish when they do your check-up for the check up fee - £16+ I think at the moment. Re the haircut - get one it will make you look and feel better and if you can stretch to some new clothes. Love the new specs Gleds.x

mrsezme said...

gledwood, i so hate hearing about the treatment you get at the clinic- is there no way you can go private??? im up in london this week to see my wonderful self-esteem boosting doctor this week to get my script and would meet up with you to tell you about it if you wanted. mrspoppyhead@hotmail.co.uk. i am really happy for the first time in about ten years.

Syd said...

Get the teeth fixed. Bad teeth will make you very sick. Sun In is terrible stuff. Better to use a non-peroxide color or just go natural.

bugerlugs63 said...

hi, cant think at min which photo you mean of the matching reds, but I doubt very much that I would consider it perverted that you find it sexy. I think you get the same amount in the box . .usually covers roughly shoulder length hair . . .I have to buy 3 boxes & once its mixed & reacted you need to use it all. I doubt it would be worth trying to save a little bit of each potion (unmixed) to mix at a later date, unless you were seriously thrifty.
Hey I was spending some time with my robos today and I suddenly realised they are actually vacuum dust colour! so I'm presuming your hair is robo colour, and that you have a well shaped head (quite important with a fuzzy hair cut)
generally intelligent people do have a well shaped head, although there is always the odd exception ready to fool you (both ways) :-)
I would imagine with robo hair your eyes would be bluey/greyish/ greeny. Ok not brown then. so they would go with red. I struggle to talk to people in sun glasses. Well I actually really cant.
ok robos . . I might have to start a blog on those robos, there is always so much to tell, not imaginging (that loooks wrong?) that it would be of interest to many . . if any. really for my own sake, already have a calendar full of the various births/ deaths & marriages (why of course)+ weekly ages and incidents. and trying to keeping track of their family tree is a nightmare and i do get a bit obsessed . .signal blinkery so will post and return
x

bugerlugs63 said...

Blinking signal. Well THE wednesday that i took the 5 robos to the shop (despite their filthy, dirty protest, blighters!)and found myself making excuses for the state of the little hounds to the totally uninterested "cashier", thinking she might give a damn. She probably had no idea what they should look like. Anyhow they hid, five of them in a loo roll cylinder, as soon as they saw the "pets at home" sign. Sorry I digress, so I was back down to a mere 26,or so I thought . . .
Later on when I having a chat with them all. I notice reggie not playing out. Reggie shares a house with "his" 2 x 4 week old pups and "his" 5 x 6 day old pups. Only one of the 5 weekers was out for a chat & play. He had disappeared with the other 5 wk pup . . .GONE!! just NOT there. Totally baffled, there was no way he had escaped, impossible, and I knew he wouldn't even if he could, not leaving 5 newborns to starve.
I checked them immediately and one was already dead, the others were to weak to be mewing so its obvious he had been gone some tim, O it was awful, I gave the newbys to Samuel as she has pups of 4 wks & hoped she would adopt them, and I think she tried her hardest cus every time I checked until then next morning she was lying right at the back of the box where I had put them, but either they were too far gone or I dont know but they were dead the next day:-( very sad. I was still completely at a loss as to how Reggie & son (?) had managed to disappear so was still kinda hopeful they might reappear? Until just after I found the dead pups and made my coffee, had 5 mins on patio and gone back into The "front" room, lounge whatever, sat drinking my coffee and heard something in the kitchen, went to look, and one of next doors cats is skulking off silently out of the kitchen. (back door open as always in warm weather) SHIT!!!! it all made sense in a sickening flash. When? how? Why now? every question was answered before his back paw disappeared. THE bASTARD!! (but then it is what they do) then . .THE GUILT (part of being a mother). I remembered the day before pet shop (tues pm) Hamper G and me had noticed something had walked through the kitchen and disturbed some dolls house stuff she had set up. It had even occured to me it could be a cat. They aint been in before but I have only moved the Hamsters into the kitchen/dining/living room since I moved downstairs as I spend most of the day in there. I had even gone as far as too think what if it was a cat and he got interested in the robos and . . . but I'd stopped myself and thought No, the robos (in the 2 x open top houses) would hide in their boxes, tunnels, tubes, logs. . .anywhere and I expect the others did . .except poor old Reggie Reggie! of all people, the original first male (well female) I'd bought, father , grandfather, uncle, probably soon to be great grandfather of all them ALL. He musta thought "Fuck hiding, I'm running" and ran for all his legs were worth, faster,faster in the wheel, thinking hes left the cat way behind . . .O I cant even bare to think about it. Poor Old Rampant Reggie & then his son! Can't even bury them with the others! well you can see why I dint say anything for so long. And I've seen that cat play with mice at the bottom of my garden . .its just damn cruel. I gotta think of somnething else . .so if only I had noticed the wednesday morning before I took those five (who tried so hard to make me NOT take them) to the pet shop . .I dint know at the time two had already gone . . . and 5 new borns would follow. Twelve down then = 19
I daren't look at how long this post is . .or i wont send it. Well I couldn't just say I had 19 from 31 without saying how could I?
I need a smoke now,
Take care
with love
di x

Anna Grace said...

Glad to hear your getting your self esteem back!!!! I wish you would have waited for me to comment before you offed your hair. I don't know if you remember this, but Kurt Cobain cut his hair, and it was like this boy cut. He had bangs, and it was a bit long, but not to long. Google photos of Kurt Cobain.

If your going to die your hair, the cheapest way is to use purple kool aid. Other wise I suggest you use womens hair die. Which ever color you please, just don't use sun in. First off you need to sit in the sun for long periods of time for it to work properly. For some reason I don't think you sit in the sun. I could be very wrong. You might sit in the sun all day. Plus peroxide is very bad for the hair folicals.

I was really worried that those glasses at top were really the glasses you ordered. I thought he's for sure a child molester. Then I caught on. (takes me a while) I do like the glasses you picked.

I shaved my head once when I was a freshmen in highschool. I looked like a gay woman. Boys scoffed at me. I didn't get a boyfriend for a year after that, and my hair was only chin length. After that I didn't cut my hair for five years. Now I only cut it to my shoulder blades.

As far as your teeth, I bet you have a great smile, I love making people smile. You always make me smile with your Valarie, and Boomer comments. I have the same problem with my teeth. They look fine aside from the tobacco stains on them, but if you look in back I have tons of cavities. When I lived in Hawaii, the backs of my front teeth were hollowing out, and I had a little cavity on the top of my left front tooth. First thing I had the dentist do was fix my front teeth. So far so good. He said I had four cavities, and needed two root canals...I never went back. I am going to buy some dental insurance and get those bad boys fixed before I get a tooth ache and have too high a tolerance for opiates that the pain pills won't work.

Sorry, but I haven't been keeping up on your blog. So I have to go back and read older posts.

BTW, thanks for not being mad at me for faking my suicide on my blog. Oh yes, and I tried to start a new blog, but I'm computer stupid, well I'm just stupid, and my new blog was linked to my existing blog. So it was easy to find.

Miss you.
xxx

bugerlugs63 said...

I have named the sole survivor (from that box) Gledwood, hes a girl but I dint know that at the time. He was just a survivor.
I have to keep my kitchen door closed now (shame as I enjoyed my patio and potted heaps of flowers & plants)until i find/buy a couple more lidded cages or think up another solution . . .??
As soon as Peach's white robo pups are 6/7 wks I will put one in with Gledwood (hes looking rather lost)and if I did make a "mistake" and they had pups . .it wouldn't matter too much as I decided anywhere between 20 & 30 is a "sensible" amount ;-)
I've had to change channel twice tonight, I'm gonna check the tv guide . .i'm not even watching it but I have been distracted twice by it . .and both times it has made me switch channels . I'm not easily disturbed but. Ok I'm gone, I'm just sitting here waffling now automatically typing in . .
night
x

Lou said...

How are we supposed to give hair cut advice when we don't know what you look like? Is there a pic of you on this blog??

I'm ever confused.

J Bar said...

Gledwood, thanks for your comment on my blog. I haven't seen frogs in the Botanic Gardens pond but I have seen eels. Cane Toads, which are an introduced species, are a huge problem in Queensland. They are spreading to other parts of Australia, slowly heading south and west. It is true people hunt them down to eradicate them. A few have been found in Sydney, suspected of hitching a ride on cargo boats, but they're not in huge numbers yet.

Barbara said...

I agree with Lou....show us a picture and we'll tell you what color your hair would look best. I'm guessing you're not going to do that so I am suggesting a nice golden blond (since you seem to prefer light hair). If you want to get wild, go with jet black with red tips. Or maybe a burgundy with black tips? Or if you want to play it safe, a chestnut brown with blond highlights. Whichever you choose DO NOT USE PEROXIDE AGAIN.

I think your specs look fabulous.

We have a flock of green parrots living in our area. I'll expand on that later...

bugerlugs63 said...

ps. Yes of course you can have one or two whenever you feel ready . .The white ones are so friendly. As soon as the hear me talking to them they come scuttling out and allow me to stroke them (sorry to go on) but . .with the four white ones there is a dark grey runt, and when I say runt . .I will have to get you a photo. His back legs are so long that his bum sticks up higher than his head, looking like a kangaroo trying to walk on all fours. I'm sure he would do better to walk on his back legs. His ears look huge and I'm not too sure about his mental health either. I had put a clear, wide mouthed, plastic bottle in the house to see if they would use it in the same way as a pringle tube,thinking it would be fun to see them all running side by side in there. Well that aint happened yet but last night (3am) as I sat watching them, Runtski went in the bottle and started running up and down the full length, sidewards!! so he dint have to turn round at either end, the speed was incredible. As if this weren't funny enough, three of his siblings (tubby fluffy white cuties) sat by the bottle watching him!! then looking at me and each other as if to say "shit! are we MEANT to move like that?" It was hilarious. He seems quite normal otherwise. Maybe just a manic moment ;-)Ok I'm off. Apart from the fact I've gone on all night about the fluffy swines, my bro has taken Hamper G to legoland, "brains" is at school and "stropster" has started work.First day completely alone in . . .???? years!! heaven :-)
back to bed.
take care,
x

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ I like the new glasses you have ordered and the time will go quickly
Three weeks seems a long time.
Sorry it is so hot in London, it sure isn't here. I don't see you as blonde
maybe dark hair even with some color
tips if you can afford them. The teeth would be good too if you could get them fixed on NHS. I am glad they don't look
like the pic. All these things will give
you confidence in yourself so try to do them all. Take care, Regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: I've done the hair (see Monday's post) the prescription sunnies are ready in 2 weeks 2 days. Not that I'm irritatedly counting the days till lazy old Specsavers get their arse into gear... Dentistry comes next.... Clothes after that. Luckily that hippie look suits me. Doesn't suit my new hair that much though. That's not hippie at ALL!!

Mrszeme: If I had the dough I'd go private and get methadone amps. I'd SO much rather inject my script even skinpopping in my thighs, than spend 2 hours waiting for it to absorb each day... but I just can't afford the £300 + £70ish a week it would cost...

Syd: too late it's HEAVY ammonia peroxide golden tint colour I used it was so strong my hair was nearly white within 5 mins of application and I left it on half an hour!!

Gledwood said...

Anna: I went over a year without cleaning my teeth at all. I was heavily on crack and pretty mental and just did not care any more about myself about anything.

I used women's hair colour, figuring you'd get more than twice as much as the men's formulation. Also I wanted extreme blond, nothing tasteful or natural looking. It WORKED! I look like a retired pop star

I cut my hair about half an inch all over using the longest setting on my clippers. As it grows out I'll let it turn into a style and get a barber to do it properly

Lou: Don't worry just think Christopher Walker and you're thinking me (if only). I also look a bit like Ryan O'Neill by the way

J Bar: I love eels. I saw a feature on conga eels the other night they're supposedly Britain's biggest and most aggressive species and yet this one was literally kissing the diver. We only get females in British waters. Something to do with their mysterious breeding habits. Once they reach aligator length they swim off thousands of miles to come mystical spawning ground...

Barbara: too late! The extreme hair coloration is done. Yeah the glasses do really suit me. Far more than any specs I ever had in the past. Nowadays the choice of frames you get is so much better. When I was at school you could have those big metal ones with a double nose bridge, John Lennon, geeky plastic... and that was about it. No wonder I was into contact lenses. I also checked out the prices the competition were charging ~ ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS on transitions; TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS on transitions ultra quick and ultra dark!! Add about a hundred to each price to get dollars. That's ridiculous!

Merle: I've decided to go for near-black hair (ie very very dark brown) in winter and this ridiculously light golden blond in summer. I quite like the lightbulb head look...

Gledwood said...

Buggerlugz: the CAT got them? That's obscene... I'm so sorry.

Thanks for the offer; if I wanted some I'd get in touch a few weeks before the fact. Can you send robos by DHL or Parcelforce? I can't see why not as long as you pack them in with seeds and cucumber and plenty of air holes...

... I don't want any hammies right now as I'm still trying to sort myself out one thing at a time. The present thing is making sure my blindingly bright hair colour is even all over. I don't possess a mirror to hold to the back of my head, so I just reapplied all the surplus in the applicator tube around my ears and neck this morning and I still have another half pack of blond colour powder, peroxide liquid and ammonia cream (whatever the fuck it's all called) you know the watery stuff, the toothpaste stuff and the powdery stuff... I'm thinking ahead already to what colour I might do next time, I LOVE dying things. I used to put Dylon on my clothes all the time...!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood