Friday 20:26 this is getting wordprocessed in advance till I get to the library tomorrow.
I HAVE GONE ON TO A LOVELY EVEN KEEL. Not high. Not low. I was scared I was getting too high (while I actually was manic) and nearly went into a panic attack. I was experiencing a flight of ideas, as they say. So seeing a bottle of ketchup would make you think ketchup catch-up catch this catch cold catch hold of gold (metal petal: rows of roses) and so on. But Audrey Hepburn calmed me down.
The night before I had stuck my head into a cloud of exhaled crack smoke, just to get a good whiff of it. I wanted to know whether it was good or bad crap and it was indeed crap crack. Which kind of double reinforced why I didn’t actually smoke any. Surely second-hand crack smoke cannot make you crazy? I woke up at 4am next morning you see, in manic paranoia. Really went into one about how the local council are the Powers of Evil etc etc.
I had been getting little flashes of excitement for days. A couple of days before I was so restless I had to leave the library and conduct music outside. (Dancing to an inner beat.) Then I realized cars were swooshing past and people could see me and I thought o fuck you lot. I wasn’t waving my arms around that much. What I actually was doing was smoking a cigarette and playing a stone piano by the broom trees. This wore off within the hour. I was feeling so horrible and depressed that any break from it was a relief quite frankly.
Yesterday night I slept six hours. And I ate an entire Iceland chicken tikka nibbles with rice (one-container version) that’s about 6-800 cals. Yesterday I did better and devoured a whole Iceland sweet chilli chicken pizza and still felt hungry enough in the evening to eat a whole can of Heinz spaghetti bolognaise and a 500ml pot of Polish blueberry yogurt. I found out that “zywe kultury bakterii” means it’s live. Before that I was managing nothing bar huge pots of that yogurt and chicken thighs. And as y’all know I was horribly depressed and I seemed to post nothing bar endless rants. I got seriously bored by my own blog.
I weighed myself on Valium Marilyn’s bathroom scales and found I weigh 191 lbs or about 80kg I can’t remember Valium Marilyn’s digital scales reading but an analogue scales weighed me in at about 13 and ¾ stone. So I’m not underweight, and I’m not fat. I’m at my perfectly ideal weight.
This afternoon I slept another 2 hours. I’m catching up on lost sleep. My head still feels weird it’s like the world is talking to me when I go outside. Anyone talking to anyone else anywhere sounds like they’re talking to me. Sometimes cars and trees and clanking bulldozers on building sites sound like they’re saying hello to me. Yeah I know it’s mad but there are far worse ways of being crazy.
Deshane tells me I can be out of this oppressive borough and in a proper new place BACK HOME WHERE I BELONG back at my old druggieclinic never I hope ever having to set foot on this Godforsaken borough ever again because I absolutely loathe this place and all it has done to me. Messing my life up completely.
Ah! I might have a chance of posting this now. A broadband link has just become available. Take care y’all and I hope you have a cheery weekend.
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