HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

End of a "broiling" day ...

PEACHY SUNLIGHT bathes the streets in honey-scented pools and butterflies and bees bumble in the blossom-scented shade ... yes, it's the end of another global-warming "broiling" London day ... (Though I might add, we do not use the word "broiling" for cooking, as in slapping meat on wires and heating from above until the drizzling rain of pigfat catches light and the smoke alarm goes crazy (well it does in Mother Hubbard's house bc the landlord installed mains-powered industrial "aeroplane toilet standard" alarms all throughout her flat. Flaming pigfat aside; just lighting a Benson and Hedges lets off the alarm in her house.) We call that method of cookery "grilling" and that's what the sun did to London town today.) Grilled us all so thoroughly that by tomorrow the cheery Cockneys will be bikini-striped and burnt like crispy lobsters. Awww! London in the sun! Doncha just love it??!

***

Pigfat fun! Click the link for info on an Israeli scheme to use tubs of lard to deter Muslim suicide bombers!!

Click for the British Pig Fat Marketing Board !!

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Now this is a good one: click here for highly entertaining squirrel shots !!

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A big GET WELL SOON to Raymi the Minx's Dad who is in hospital. She hasn't posted since Thursday and nothing but serious illness or worse would ever get between Raymi and her mega-blog.

I send you all my love ...

xxxxxxx


***

I must go now and fry my vulgarity burgers. Wondering why they're called that? Well at 5.8% beef -- what else could they be called. Oh! I made a mistake -- they're actually (according to the label) 58% beef. So how does that account for one burger plus one blob of marge in a pan = about 300 mls of liquid pigfat afterwards ..?

Well that's one of life's great conundrums. Or conundra. If you want to be Greko-latinickally etymological about it ...

***

ポルトガル語。

私はポルトガル語を話すことができない。

***

Click here for photos of the most beautiful owl (a Florida "barred" owl) that I have ever seen ...

15 comments:

Nicole said...

Ohmygod!!! What a laugh!!! Water pistols filled with liquid lard!!! That's the best thing I've heard in ages! Absolutely priceless! How come the Americans haven't started dropping lard bombs over the middle east yet?

Gledwood said...

Did you READ the link, Nicole -??

Where on earth did you get water pistols full of lard from -???

It IS an entertaining idea, though ...

Evil Spock said...

The Brits use to put lard on their bullets when they occupied India to put the fear in Muslims.

Gledwood said...

wow seriously??! That's fantastic!!!

Gledwood said...

How can anybody be so afraid of a little bit of pigfat??

Come to think of it: I'm utterly grossed out by it. It's like living pus. Only some people actually fry chips in it... And the CLOYING REVOLTING SMELL that comes off it is ABOMINABLE !!!

Wayward Son said...

That link about Muslum suicide bombers (they are all Muslim these days) gave me a scare until I saw the 2001 date on the article. I can't take any more of that right now.

I know that owl because I am from Florida, Have not seen him in a coon's age.

WS

IVY said...

Sent you an email about a few questions, also go Here: https://www2.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=29129053&postID=681617117612096607
Also go here to listen to a shriek-fest that I think you will find amusing or.. someting:
http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/22/alecs-threatening-message/

IVY said...

http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/22/
alecs-threatening-message/

IVY said...

Why does it cut the stuff off?

https://www2.blogger.com/comment.
g?blogID=29129053&
postID=681617117612096607

Toccata said...

I totally want to steal the picture of the guiness drinking squirrel.

Manic said...

I'm doing fine, thx, how are you. It's true it has been a while since I've been around these pigfatted places, what's up with that anyways :P
Yea the sunny summer April days suck, I'm starting to miss those drizling greyish rainy days kind of things, I wonder where they have gone to.
Ohh I started a new blog, more personal stuff and that kinf of likings: just click me name and you'll arrive at the new place :D

Take care alright

Gledwood said...

Yeah, WS but my other link (under "tubs of lard") brings you to
http://www.mirabilis.ca/archives/001495.html
which is dated 2004
!!

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood