HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Feelin' Hot Hot Hot ...

A HOT, HOT DAY TODAY. Yesterday's Grand National was, according to the Sunday People, the hottest in 100 years. Temperatures hit 25C/77F here in the capital. So no wonder I had an inconveniently sweaty morning (drest in my habitual winter garms) ... I was irritatedly awaiting my dealer's arrival as well and so not in the mood for inconvenience of any description ...

Had wonderful chicken dinner chez Mother Hubbs. Was actually in the mood to polish off the entire lot, which was remarkable. I'm turning into a sparrow-eater in my old age. (Not that I eat sparrows (you'd have a hard job finding one for a start. I mean I eat like one. Have to take "American breaks" all the time: come back to it later ...))

I'VE BEEN MUSING OVER WHAT I READ in that book about corruption amongst New York narcotics cops in the early 1970s... paying informants in heroin. The author claims that in Queens alone there were perhaps 30 junkies who were unable to score (because they'd grassed all their dealers up) now relying solely on corrupt policemen to obtain their daily fix. (Yup: their heroin came direct from the narcotics squad's seizure lockers ..!) I wonder how accurate that statement actually is. As I said, that has happened in this country but no way has it ever been the norm. The only rumour I have heard (or rather, read in print) has been that drugs seizures have a consistent way of being recorded always smaller than they actually were. Of course those caught with the drugs are never going to complain on that score ...

Can anybody tell me why it is some blogger bloggers turn to haloscan to handle their comments? I've asked every haloscan blogger I've ever come across the question: why do you do this? And no-one tells me. Why the big secret ...?

Heroin horror??!? Click here! And re paragraph three: it's never made mine or anyone I know's teeth appear to turn to glass. Neither would you be seized by the urge to bang your face into a brick wall to break them:.. that's not heroin you're describing there. More like a bad time on ketamine, or more likely phencyclidine ("PCP") ...

And another food blog: couchpootato.blogspot !!

... and for drugs info:-- Opiates Resource Site


Nicole said...

Gled, Ilse is Vincent's sister. She does have a blog but it's all in Dutch:
She lives about an hour north of Amsterdam with her girlfriend Cassie.

Gledwood said...

Oh! Maybe I will go there and try out mijn pappelijk nederlands on her ...

does pappelijk mean "crappy"?

Gledwood said...


Kao said...

yeah, it was quite a surprise when I read your comment...

but it's ok, I'll put you in "flogs & blogs" so people can read yours...

thanks... and if I don't change the language is because I write in spanish too, sometimes...

I'm glad you liked my blog, I hope you read it again.. I'll do with yours too..

see you, kissssssssses and hugs...®

ohomemhorizontal.blogspot.com. said...

Dear Gledwood,

Many thanks for your kind and encouraging words about my blog ohomemhorizontal.blogspot.com. Congratulations for your great success.
As from Rio de Janeiro, I remain, sincerely yours,

Remo Mannarino.

Yvonne said...

hi there! couchpootato here~

thanx for swinging by my blog and linking me up~ i'll link u up too!

do come by for updates and feel free to leave any comment since my friends are all lazy bums who don't comment!

claire said...

hee gledzz

goodmorning! i am still just waking up (at work ha ha) yesterday was a beautiful day drinking and hanging in the parc, about 30 degrees! so nice,

read you soon ;)

love claire

Anonymous said...

Hello Glenwood,

I am Ilse, the sister in law from Nicole. I read youre duthc message and i will answer from now, in dutch, so you can learn.
Wat leuk om zo'n reactie te krijgen en leuk dat je op die manier probeert nederlands te leren. Ik zal later deze dag wat meer op jouw blog lezen, dan weet ik een beetje wie je bent.

Groetjes van Ilse:-)

Edyta said...

Oh yeah, i heard on the news that ITS HELL HOT in the UK! Talkign abt global warming... Ya know, we had the warmest & most mild winter ever, this year! I cant recall having such a winter even in my childhood days. It always had been FREEZING DAMN cold & it aint nowadays.
I mean last year, same time, meaning april, snow was only beginning to melt... & now? I can almost walk without a warm jacket. What are the odds, indeed!

LOL @ drawing men! Shall take ur advice! I certainly hope not all men r that clumpy-faced & with big noses... well most of 'em r! well that doesnt mean i am miss world 2007! so who am i to critisize :)

hope ur doing great in that HOT weather. Hope it aint gonna start being flamming HOT!

Edyta (seriously, no pun intended) LOL!

Klatuu o embuçado said...

Crazy world! (Maybe it gives an unser to the haloscan «mistery»!)


Nicole said...

Hehehehe waardeloos is worthless, I haven't heard pappelijk before but it sounds like it may mean "flimsy".

IVY said...

Wow.. that would be an interesting story to hear.. The relatoinship between the junkie addict and the policeman. I wonder how it worked..That is, I wonder how the relationship was forged.

side question- How did you get so many readers? You post more than once a day and still get tons of comments!

Gledwood said...

Ivy: how was the relationship forged? By the police trying to duress their "suspects" into spilling information ... & so on ... I would guess...

Why so many different people saying hi? Because I quite often go wandering through "next blog" or people's links (how do you think I find all those links I put up!) then I say hi & they're saying hi back.

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gledwood said...

Beste Ilse dank U wel voor het comment: ik heb nu geen nederlands boek. En ik heb Babelfish niet gebruikt. Deze is mijn waadenloos grammatik. Ik zal een niewe nederlands boek bekommen (is dat niet het duitse woord?) en een woordeboek of een phrase-boek. Dan zal ik beter nederlands schrijfen kannen/koennen/ wat vervelend! I need to get a Dutch textbook again or else I won't be able to write about anything other than how old I am and where I live!

gledwood said...

1. Thanks NICOLE.

2. KAO thanks for doing that. I had promised to list you ... then clicked forward by accident; went back and COULD NOT FIND YOU. So thanxx for getting in touch bc your name is now listed where it belongs.

3. ohomemhorizontal: you are welcome!!

4. Ditto Yvonne. Your blog is lovely that's why I listed it. I collect cookery & craft blogs especially. With lovely pictures...

5. Hi CLARE thanks for getting back in touch. I missed you!

6. Hallo ILSE wat denkt U of mijn nederlandse brief?

7. Edyta, yes you are damn right, it was BOILING the other day it got to 27C 80F I thought there was something wrong with me for sweating so bad. Didn't realize the day actually WAS that boiling!!

8. Klatuu o embuçado that's as may be but still I am left with NO ANSWER! What is this? Some giant conspiracy plot against me??

9. Ivy I answered you! But PLS ansa me. PLS. I am now worried & mystified who this person is that I knew or didn't know... how incidentally did you know her?

ggirl said...

Yes, what you read is true. We still have a huge corruption problem in New Orleans, too.

I have a blog that uses Haloscan. I didn't request it. It's supposed to help screen out spam emails. Hope you're well.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood