HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Blog-hopping ...

ANYONE SEEN THAT FILM Six Degrees of Separation*, starring Will Smith when he was still Fresh Prince? It's based around the supposed "urban truth" that everybody knows everyone else by friend-of-a-friendships stretching back no more than six degrees. Well, I went bloghopping today, starting at Pink Ginger's, who I met through Dan and hopped and hopped via Barman, Lime, S and G-Man to name but four - saying hi every step of the way, you know me - until six blogs later I'd come almost back in a circle to Mom the Minx - Raymi's Mum. Which just goes to show what a small world this "blogosphere" really is.

*Incidentally that inspired a moviegame called Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon!

I am cooking intellectual pasta as I speak. I say pasta, actually the sauce bit is in an old slow-cooker I found about two years ago on the street. It did work then, so hopefully now it is mulling my mixed vegetable sauce to perfection. The recipe, incidentally is dead simple. Onions (+ garlic if liked: I do), mushrooms, courgettes, red peppers. Fried in that order. After five minutes add chopped plum tomatoes (or a tin if you're lazy or me). Simmer to perfection. Which is where this slowcooker comes in. Unusually I felt like cooking far more than eating so I'm experimenting. Also added a tad of babycorn, sugarsnap peas and baby carrots from frozen (see 2 days ago). They are horrible overcooked. A dash of this Arabic sauce called Maggi. (Arabic writing all over it, but made by one of the multinationals, Nestle's or something.) Actually I'm quite good at cooking, considering the effort I put into it. I don't understand people who can't figure out that fierce heat burns the outside, chopping big cooks longer, chopping small can leave you with mush ... you know - cooks' commonsense. But there you go, it's a mystic art!!

About my doorlock. I've just updated yesterday's post. The reason it was "unresponsive" when I got to it was that it already had been forced once and so was bashed out of alignment enough for my keys not to "take" ... I wasn't vandalizing for the sake of it!

Paterfamilias: you're coming on too late in local time. The last time I could begin a conversation would be 1.30am my time bc I have until 2am to finish it. If that's not good for you, try maybe 12 hours earlier or in between ... We will get to talk!!

翻译/Übersetzung/翻訳/번역/traduction/traduzione/tradução/traducción! Yeah, man! I'm all Babelfished up. Ruth provided me with Google Translate click-on flags (which include at least one language (Arabic) Babelfish don't do. Also Google's meant to be better. Does anyone know their (translation) url? I'd most appreciate it. As I'm unsure whether the html she sent me was one piece or so many individual pieces (one per flag).

Sidebar query: Does anybody know how I arrange my sidebar to have full-width elements (as now) interspersed with half-width ones (e.g. so I can have a New York and LA clock side by side - or whatever. Some people have loads of little icons for Technorati and all manner of blog-directories all pyramidded up. If I did that they'd appear in a pile. And take up far more room. Just wondering ...)

***

O! BTW my clock, that "new kitchen clock" I was talking about is not in my kitchen at all. It is quite possibly opposite this and maybe up a bit. On my sidebar ... My blogclock. Know what I mean. So now if I mention local time y'all can see what I'm chatting about. From the Caribbean, North & South America I'm ahead. From central Europe, Asia, Australia, New Zealand and most of the South Seas I'm behind. Africa: Ghana is the same (I think), South Africa 2 hours ahead or so. OK I've got brainache now so I'm gonna recline with a fizzy alcoholic beverage. Till later ...!!...

***

STOP PRESS: Returned home to fantasticated saucey aromatixx: my sauce (more of a veggie stew) turned out well nice. At first I thought it was going to be horrible as it smelled of the mixed vegetables it actually was, but with a massive dash of ready-grated black pepper plus a few more drops of Maggi (which is a black sauce like Worcester or soy; you don't need much) ... & an Everest of cheese upon this and the fusilli (mature cheddar = a pasta essential!) it turned out well yummy all round. As tasty as my kitchen clock is tasteful. Almost like it was dollopped out by someone else. Yeah, man. Really nice. I'd trowel it all over your comments boxes if only I cyber-could. And if you didn't all like it, Ruth could make a wormery from it or add it to the rest of her manure-heap.!!...

***

FIRST TIME I posted this up there was no comments box!
(Glad I checked.) Had to highlight, copy and repost in a new box. Then all appeared as per normal. This seems to be happening all over Blogger this week. Ruth's latest post doesn't seem to have one. Raymi's exhibited the same phenomenon, only when I clicked on "borrow" the post reappeared with comments ...

Is it something to do with that new autosave function (grey box, beside "publish") that appeared briefly on mine then disappeared, I wonder?

Anyone else having this trouble?

14 comments:

lime said...

thanks for saying hello at my place today. i'm not sure why you couldn't see my profile or my sidebar because i do have both of them. i don't know if blogger is being buggy or it's a browser issue or what.

happy blog hopping:)

Gledwood said...

thanx - i'll go sneak another peek & see ...

Wayward Son said...

Hi Gleds, here's the URL for Google translations (language as they call it) http://www.google.com/language_tools

Cheers, WS

Gledwood said...

Thanks, I'm adding it to my sidebar in best blogs. Will check it out properly over the weekend when have time ...

Nicole said...

I'm not having the particular problems you're having but I can't post pictures via my Safari Browser anymore. When I click the "add image" icon it simply doesn't open the usual pop-up box to upload photos. I also immediately thought it must have something to do with them screwing around with this auto-save crap. I had to download and install Firefox to upload my blog - not happy.

Sassy One said...

Hey..thanks for popping bye!
This blog world is rather small isn't it?
I'm sorry I can't be much help with your sidebar and such...I don't know too much sadly enough!

Deb said...

I was having that trouble with the comment boxes too gled.

Your pasta sounds delicious and now I'm craving some. It sounds like something I'd completely LOVE.

I'm pooped tonight, so this is just a quick hello. HELLO!

claire said...

hee gled, ofcourse i'll try keeping in touch with you, but i don't know how fast the connextion is there...anyway..if you want to write, send me an email...the adress is in the left top of my page, ok? greetzzz claire

Gledwood said...

The sphere of the blogs IS quite small isn't it ...
my power keeps flashing in and out... andy second this will go... so must be QUICK
thanks will try those htmls/tips use lot sent. Thank use !!

Gledwood said...

Claire - thanxx for the connextion - I will pick it up the details & go from there.

(Clare is going to GUATEMALA everyone:: how cool is that!!!!!)

OK I'm gauwching gotta go b45 get run out see yers

G
xx

grumpygit said...

Still trying to split your sidebar? Try this: Create an HTML element and add the following code to create a simple two cell table with invisible borders:

< table border="0" width="100%">
< tr>
< td > content</td>
< td > content</td>
</tr>
</table>

Then replace the "content" with text, code etc. Note that there shouldn't be any spaces between the < and > signs and the rest of the code - I had to put the spaces in to get them to display without errors.

Haven't tried it, but it should work.

Gledwood said...

Grumpy: how on Earth do you know about this stuff?

I will try it on a dummy blog first ... but first: where do I go to "create element" ..?

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood