Old Man

THE DRUGS CLINIC WAS PACKED OUT when I came for my latest appointment. All manner of people from various stages of my past. (I don't so much view them as present friends because circumstances and geography have kept us separated. But "old friends" some of them are. And "old acquaintances" others ...)

On leaving the clinic we passed a greyhaired man on the street. He was accompanied by two guys who I initially suspected might be drug dealers. Someone I'd met in the clinic stopped and said some words to this old man. I walked on a bit. After all I didn't know him.

A minute later, when the old man and the dealers had walked on and the moment had thoroughly passed, I asked: "Who was that?"

Turns out it was someone I used to know very well. Shared a squat with. Begged opposite. Bought crack with. He was a drinker (a heavy drinker) an enthusiastic smoker of cocaine. He was agressive. (Told me he had a "personality disorder" - which certainly made sense.) And he couldn't fight for toffee. Which made him essentially harmless, though often difficult to deal with. And the fights he did get in were hilarious ...

The last time I saw him, about two years ago, he was sitting on the step where he often waited for his dealers. So I came bounding up enthusiastically. But he just looked dejected. And older. Even back then. Told me he was "waiting to go into rehab" and had long given up the crack. A while previously he had begun waking with the shakes. True, full-blown alcohol addiction had taken hold.

Last I heard of him, he was in a mental hospital. Having given up drinking and gone through shocking DTs (this is when winos see "pink elephants" etc...), his mind span out to some unseemly corner of the universe and stayed there. He is presently a longterm resident. Nobody can say if or when he might be released.

That was the man I caught sight of a couple of days ago. I'm good with faces and no way, unless I'd been told, would I have recognized this guy as the same man from the same lifetime. He has changed so incredibly much. He looks broken. Utterly unrecognizable. And those accompanying him were mental health nurses ...

I don't regret walking on. As I said, the moment had passed. I know his full name and I know where he's staying. So one day, during visiting hours, I'll hopefully pick the right moment to come see him.

Don't know what else to say, except the disastrous consequences of life upon people can be terrifying to behold ...

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Where do the 12 steps (of AA/NA) come from? Click here for info ...

-- Thanxx Wayward Crystal Clean

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Finally at last I found a Hoobs clip. On someone else's TV (you'll see what I mean when you see it ...)