HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Three Random Things-::-

THIS is one of the funniest television "commercials"; (CLICK HERE!!) I've seen for a long, long time ...



By the way: have a look at Queenie's house. Isn't it lovely? I'm going to have a house like that one day. Only I'd go more for a dark red/dark green/gold/purple type of colour scheme that wouldn't show up my dirty presence so faithfully!!


STOP PRESS: Re my childhood (how I flatter myself that anyone really WANTS to know!!) It is about 90% typed in and completed. I've just three hundred words or so to go and then I'll inflict it on the world ..!


PS I am right, aren't I in advising the author of randomnewsfromphoenix.blogspot that rail travel is better than going by car, aren't I?

Do you know what I really like about going by train (apart from the inherent smoothness of the ride) is that you get to see the back of things, that haven't been cosmeticized for the car-driving pedestrian ...

If you want a rail-fanatic's blog go to http://eddiesrailroad.blogspot.com/. Lots of lovely photos of those great big trains the hobos ride..!!!..


OKAY THIS IS MORE THAN 3 NOW BUT: look I found the most entertaining website about Hamster Dancing!!


Click (and this is thing six (!!)) for Ruth's Youtube ladybird larvae hatching!!


PS Heard Amy Winehouse's special Saudi Arabian remix of her famous hit?

"They tried to make me go to Riyadh; but I said no, no, no ..."

Wanna see the original song "Rehab"? Click here!!


CTK said...

Hey Gledwood -

Thanks for the link and comments. I'm looking forward to reading your childhood story!

Gledwood said...


& don't worry it won't be 2 long comin' up..!

Wayward Son said...

It's a great thing to wake up and have a laugh! Brings new meaning to the word "proud sponsor"!


gledwood said...

great stuff!

be sure to click my dutifully transponded youtube links now, won't you..!!

priya said...

It is always to good to go back to childhood and remember the best of it.

Scott Phillips said...

Thanks for the link to "teh" Scream I appreciate any feedback on the enjoyment value.

IVY said...

Getting frustrated. Dont you have another email I can send to? No wonder you kept repeating those questions and I kept not answering them- I answered them all in detail over email. Ivy
PS. They raised me 10 mg today.

gledwood said...

My "guy attaches speedo to hammy wheel" comment that I might post some of here:

I attached a bright yellow blob to my old (Syrian) hamster's rat-wheel. (Normal hamster wheels were too small for him; he couldn't run at full-pelt on them. And he much preferred wire wheels to the plastic ones they insist are safer. I've never seen a hamster injured on a wire wheel (though I understand the commonsensickal objections to wire in favour of plastic)...

ANYWAY we counted rpms and timed how long he ran (which was near-continuously throughout the night from dusk till dawn) and calculated he was doing AT LEAST 8 MILES A NIGHT every night!!!

(That would make a marathon every three nights.)

How's THAT for active. Most humans I know don't run that far in a week let alone a night.

Nicole said...

That Virgin Atlantic ad is hillarious!

Gledwood said...

Ivy: I just sent you a comment about my email. I don't know what is wrong with it.

Which email did I give you?

hammynutter@lycos.com?? That's the one I actually use ...

Can't get into it at present. Will try again later tonight ...

IVY said...

Excited about reading your childhood posting! Will comment and read soon.


No, I just function better at a high dose. I dont get high anymore off it unless I took about 6 doses at once.

12:41 PM
IVY said...

Im just super high strung so the higher the dose Im on the better off I am. "

I dont consider it heroin.. It's been months since I've gotten at all high from methadone. And I never really did- that didnt last long at all for me..I got a little buzz warmth from methadone= and that was IT!@! and it wasnt ever a high like oxy and vicodin. (I have tried heroin by the way.. it wasnt as strong as the morphine oxy and vicodin I was doing. I guess that's not uncommon since the tar heroin in seattle is lousy too. Nobody gets the good stuff. Maybe in vancouver. But um that's why I think my tolerance might be higher, well a part of it besides metabolism.)

IVY said...

the people with the worst habits are the ones using dilaudid, 80 times stronger than heroin.and fetanyl.. thousands of times stronger. And oxy is the same as heroin but synthetic. I got so sick of the heroin needle users thinking I had a baby habit because i used pills. No i was just a puritan in terms of refusing to ever get anything i couldnt label.. that wasnt pharmaceutically evaluated or whatever, not that isnt a flawed system too but.. then when i joined all the needle users i needed more methadone then them. Metabolism must play a role here too though.

Gledwood said...


You could have saved your life that way::at least you knew precisely how many mgs you were taking at all times. Anyway that dose of methadone you're on isn't "baby" by any means. Even the people on £100 a day or more drugs I know are rarely given more than 80mg. (Truth is: they're not spending £100 on heroin, more like £30 or £40. MOST of the money goes on CRACK.) Also I know a lot of people lie bc I had a heroin-only habit for years that averaged £30-£40 per day and when in detox/rehab I needed MORE meds than the "£100 a day" people ... junkies are all liars!

If you were on street gear you might not be here now. I've ODd once really bad and another 2 times bad enough to be slapped awake... so don't let anybody put you down bc you might have saved your life.

IVY said...

thanks. Yea the guy who put me down was really two faced and pathetic.. at one point he had to take 7 clonipin (2's, so that means 14 mg!!) a day and he used to drool! But he was considered a cult figure on broadway and people would take pics of him.. (He looked.. VERY wierd. Trust me. ) but he had this girlfriend who was my age and really hot. (She was sheltered like me so decided she needed an In as far as the street crowd goes. She got free heroin from him for years.) The ironic part was that even though she had been a user for years and I had just been one for a year he told her not to hang out with me cuz i was a bad influence cuz I was still using. (Ahem. So were they... but she also did crack A LOT.) Anyway he was the one who said that. He changed his opinion eventually but by that time she and him and broken up or she had just gone crazy as I heard it. Unfortunate thing. I liked her. (he was so protective he got mad when she talked to anybody for too long.)

IVY said...

he probably put me down because i didnt have ANY street contacts just some uptown classy dealers (it's easier to score dope and crack than pills, as you probably know.) So they'd call me when they had a lead.. But it was few and far between and they had me on a few goose chases. TO their credit they never stole my money. Directly. That I know of. They did take off a 5 dollars find off fee once when it was crap but on the other hand they found me this girl who used to RUN broadway and she was a fucking steal. Another time they found me this guy who stole 100 from me (he had a gun! it was a stick up! I dont know why i reported it except i was too upset.) I told them about it and they never did much about it. Amy was his girlfriend.. and they lived together.. so I had to see him again.. but I wasn't going to fight somebody who had killed people. If I had even the tiniest bit of street background and fighting background believe me I would i dont have much fear but.. i was raised in an environment where I never saw one fight occur. I've never even seen somebody punch somebody else out...

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood