HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Boy and the Bubble

Poems? Here's one I made earlier.

The Boy and the Bubble

Seeing a bubble in the sky
One bright and breezy day
Which shivers and dips, then glides on high
Along its airy way

The carefree boy looks up surprised
Dazzled by what he sees:
A golden orb unrecognized
Asparkle in the trees.

One moment flashes red as fire
Again, then green as glass;
The bubble gleams in light attire
Soft settled in the grass.

Dull to the world, just half-aware
It tempts the boy so much
For he must feel; not stay and stare
The bubble he must touch.

Possessed, with greedy eye he doats;
He prays and then he pounces.
The bubble winks then up it floats
And on his head it bounces.

It drifts quite low, soon up it bobs
And high with the wind it rides:
He scrambles over earth and sobs
Whilst easily this bubble glides.

The boy pursues the sunny sphere
Until the sun sinks low
The bubble hovers lightly near
Till home the boy must go.

But as the bubble drifts away
The feeble twilight shows
The sphere - grey by end of day
Soft settling in a rose.

So over the evening rose he stands,
A-trembling at first:
He cups the bubble in his hands ...
Of course: the bubble burst!

Copyright by Gledwood 2007
Actually it was written in 1990.
In emulation of Goethe.
(How intellectual was that*??!)

(*'case you've not recognized by now: "intellectual" is a word I apply to lettuce sandwiches as much as great tomes of literary endeavour.)

The above pome struck me as such a good parody of that Victorian kinda nursery-rhyme verse... on re-reading I felt it quite accomplished in that sense ...

Any feedback: good, bad or indifferent?


RUTH said...

Oh that was lovely even though a little sad at the end. Bit like life really. Sorry I didn't make it to your Gabble last night; I was knackered, think I've a cold or somehing coming after that drenching on Sunday.

Gledwood said...

That's OK I'm glad u like the pome

Biby Cletus said...

Cool blog, i just randomly surfed in, but it sure was worth my time, will be back

Deep Regards from the other side of the Moon

Biby Cletus

Gattina said...

I will resume your last post and this. Just to check if your blog were translated nicely by the fish of babel I clicked for German and then in French. I am still laughing ! I had to run for a tissu and now I am still shaking ! These translations are the best joke ever written. In german I didn't understand one sentence it was worse than a 2 years old kid talk and in french not better. You know it's very nice for words or short sentence but not for a whole text. A machine is a machine and it translates word per word and it doesn't care about grammar so the funniest things come out. I once had some text translated just for fun and was then sitting ON my computer and my cat behind typing ! Isn't that nice ?
I think I have been on your blog usually each European blog attracts me because we are in minority here. I don't speak flemish but understand, I live in Waterloo which is a french speaking part. London and the south east coast I know very well and love to go there ! I have friends who moved from London to Eastborn it's so beautiful (when the weather is nice)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Hi Gledwood,
I am trying to take up poetry myself but I think your poem was very good. It's very much in the style of a Victorian Children's rhyme. It's a good rhyme. I was captivated to read it till its conclusion. Look forward to more of this in the future.

jahh said...

Great poem. It is a pleasure to read yourself. And being the topic on bubbles, more yet.


RUTH said...

Hi Gleds, I've emailed you the code I've used for my translation buttons. Let me know if you get it ok

Deb said...

Wow, that was fanastic!

I love/write poetry and could never write something so good.

You, my friend, need to be published somewhere.

Daniel Thompson said...

Nice poem. I like the ending. Thanks for visiting my blogs yesterday. I listed your profile page at the profile directory.

You had a question about the blog directory review blog. The link is
The link is working for me, now anyways.

Evil Spock said...

Boy and the Bubble.
Writing poems is too hard.
I prefer haiku.

Queenie said...

Gled, those words had meaning, at least to me. Poetry is such a personal thing, its a complement so many enjoy yours. Mine is a little heavy, thats what makes it personal!!!

Wayward Son said...

I LOVE this poem.


Spluch said...

Hey, nice poem! Love it! ^_^

Amazing Gracie said...

I apologize for not responding sooner to your kind comments!
I appreciate your poem - it's kind of like chasing a dream, isn't it?
I have always liked writing poetry, it's very cathartic!
The "Random Blog" button: I signed up for it via "Bestest Blog" which is no longer around due to the guy manipulating blogger with it. I can't get it out of my header (I'm not HTML proficient!)
Keep coming by any way you can! I'll do the same...

Gledwood said...

Yeah, when I wrote this poem I don't think I realized it had any "worth" in it - I was intent on pastiching Victorian nursery rhymes or children's verse. Found it again - glanced it over. Thought it a squeamish, embarrassing remnant of my late teens - something I'd never volunteer to let others see. Looked it over more closely the day before I posted it and saw the "Victorian" style was actually quite accomplished and, yes it does have meaning - it's such a typical depiction of life! Ooer:: this sounds all boastful doesn't it-!? But I wrote it 17 years ago... feels really like it was written by someone else. Wonder what I could write now. I have to get inspired!!

Gattina said...

He, he I know about Waterloo station I used to go from Waterlooooh to Waterluh and once in a taxi near Waterloo station the driver asked where I came from I answered "Waterloo" and he looked at me as if I just had escaped from a madhouse and asked me why I didn't walk home as it was so near,lol ! It's a shame because the French (who lost the battle) consider Waterloo as their victory place and the english who should thank good old Wellington don't !

IVY said...


Martha Elaine Belden said...

i like it.

very much.

(thanks for your lovely comment by the way!)

Gledwood said...

Gattina: that's v entertaining!

Ivy & Martha: thanxx!!

Anonymous said...

Hey !!!! I've been seeing your blog has you hoped us to (i'm Claire from "girlsschool" and you already wrote a comment to us).Your blog is cool but you should add some photos for more fun !! However I didn't understand very much of what you wrote because my English isn't so perfect !!!Sorry...

Gledwood said...

Photos - I know. I'm trying to learn how to do that right now ...

As for understanding the English - try going to the Babelfish (second from top on my sidebar under Gabbly), click on the French flag. My entire blog should appear in French for you ...

Please do tell me your opinion on the translation!

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood