HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Attention All Gabblers; I'll Be Gabbling 2nite!!

MIDNIGHT TO ONE A.M. LONDON UK TIME ...

I HEREBY CONFIRM: I shall, all things permitting, be online to talk to anyone who wants via Gabbly from the hours of midnight to 1am London time TONIGHT.

Thanxx for all the messages yous left on it... do you like the newer bigger box? I think it looks much better ...

I'm thinking of getting a messages box as well that people can leave comments of a general nature (not connected to any specific post) ... don't know what it's called but it's v popular with the kids so look out for that too ...

Anyway! Any questions, greetings etc I will be there to answer as promised. Nothing short of nuclear war will stop me getting online tonight. Unlike Jumping Jack Flash by the way, you need to press return before the other person can see your next statement. If you want to talk to me and I'm not there at that precise moment I'm probably having a pee or a cigarette. Never fear. I shall be back within 5minutes tops and will be "talking" under my own name not a number so you'll know at once it is me. ...

Let's see what happens. Till tonight!!

Now I've not always been the best at figuring timezones as several 4am-awoken relatives and friends can testify ... but to the best of my knowledge these times are...

West Coast Pacific time 4pm-5pm
Eastern New York etc time 7pm-8pm
Central Europe (Amsterdam/France etc) 1am-2am

Surely everyone else can calculate from there.

London local time is currently BST British Summer Time so take that into account when adding/subtracting hours ...

OK!?!?!?!?!?! EVERYONE, SEE YOUS THEN.

***

ps has anyone tried out my babelfish button? just click on whatever flag you please - and up pops my blog in the relevant language!! i was amazed on clicking a coloured oblong i didn't know to suddenly see my life's writing in KOREAN!! the french seems pretty good. as does the german. but can someone who knows one of the several available languages please have a click and get back to me on the quality of the translation. because seriously i at present i don't have a clue ...

many thanxx ...

***

NB IMPORTANT: the gabbly box is not good for leaving permanent important messages if i'm not there to answer ... bc if two people start talking the messages will get lost out the top of the screen ... i'm trying to get a message strip as well to go over or under gabbly... you must've seen them, as i said, they're v popular with the kids ...

***

http://beckedontgiveadamn.blogspot.com/ - example of what I'd call the kids' generation blog. With messages in a strip down the side. I want to get that type of strip.

***

BTW Gabbly is not just there for me! You're supposed to talk to each other! So go on then!!! Give it a try!!

***

pps if those times are too late try 9pm London time - 4pm Eastern/1pm Pacific/10pm Central Europe ... I'll do all I can to be online then as well.

...Just want to see if anyone shows up really ..!

***

If Gabbling anonymously as your assigned number - you can change to your name easily. Go to the box where it says Name: and a number is inside. Delete that number and just put in your name. Press return and there you have it! A grey message should appear in the main dialogue box "gabbler xxx is now John" or whoever ...

If this doesn't do it, try clicking the little person to the right of the Name box. THAT should alter it well and truly.

OK kids; I'm off ...

30 comments:

CG said...

Hope you have some great chats!! Thanks for visiting my blog and for your comments; really appreciate them!!

Gledwood said...

no problem. thank YOU!!

Gledwood said...

Some Gabbly dialogue (before it goes ...)

Gledwood: isn't the new bigger box well better?

Gledwood: hi anyone?

gabber122: David (MI) here.

Gledwood: What's MI?

An American State?

gabber122: Michigan, or United States

yeah, you came across my blog a little while ago. I'm returning the visit.

Gledwood: (don't get that grey message though.)

OK have a good read I gotta get something to eat! See ya later I will be on at those times to the L

gabber122: k

gabber529: hi gled...unfortunately, I'll be working at the time you're on....but have a great chat everyone!

oh, that was me, I too changed my name but it didn't show up on screen?

it's deb..."that was me" doesn't tell you much, does it?

It's early Monday...which explains a lot!

oh, I see how it's done

well, have a good day gled

Gledwood: No. Debs to change your name highlight the number in blue, delete, put your name in and click that icon of a person just to the right of the "Name:" box ...

Sorry you're working btw I KNEW whatever time I said that would happen!!

IVY said...

i left you a comment on your other blog= Gledwood confessions, by the way, I guess I accidentally clicked on the wrong link and ended up rereading your old journal, the confessions one, gledwood.blogspot.com

IVY said...

So we will all IM tonight?? if possible? I'll try but I dont know if I'll make it then! I wish we could talk on the phone, Gled. It's so easy to say so many things that way.. and I would love to hear more stories about when you were a junky and the people you met.

Gledwood said...

Hmmmmm... thanks for saying that Ivy ...

Gledwood said...

o btw note to self:

http://aspirantscribbler.blogspot.com/

Gledwood said...

En Espanol

"Kraken" ...

http://laguaridadelkraken.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

http://girlsschool.blogspot.com/

La Guarida del Kraken said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La Guarida del Kraken said...

Thank your for your comment in my blog, gledwood.

Are you from London?

gledwood said...

Come & talk to me 2nite!!

Edyta said...

Gleds!
I'm not from Chicago (i wish) i am from Lithuania ;)

Queenie said...

Aren't you getting clever, way to clever for me.
Hope you have some good calls, think of me in my bed getting my much needed beauty sleep!!!

Gledwood said...

http://cariocavirtual.blogspot.com/

portuguese vid blogs

Gledwood said...

Edyta - seriously ??

Your English is AMAZING I thought you were a mother tongue speaker.

I'm not bullshitting you I'm serious. I really did. You don't have one American parent? Or something??

So where are you in the world though? I'm getting well confused now.

Did you go to school abroad?
I don't get it ...

Gledwood said...

I don't get what you mean by clever?

You mean putting that Gabbly box up?

Isn't it amazing!!

Gledwood said...

http://louladal.blogspot.com lovely french pattiserie!

Gledwood said...

http://videoarchivebydanielthompson.blogspot.com

Gledwood said...

http://mostfunnyvideos.blogspot.com

Jan B said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I wish I had time to gabby too, but I have to get the munchkins off to bed. It is a great widget though, I wish I had one of those!

Meloncutter said...

Thanks for stopping by my little piece of the blogosphere. You actually caught me on one of my calmer educational days. It goes way downhill from there.

Later Y'all.

Dan said...

Gleds, sorry that I couldn't make it! Are you going to archive it somewhere?

gledwood said...

http://gattinamycats.blogspot.com/

Gledwood said...

The Gabbly box is just going to stay up there... for the meantime, longterm, Dan ...

Gledwood said...

ma said...
ben echt verwend op moederdag, het eten was heerlijkkkkkk.
Bedankt kids.

11:38 PM


Gledwood said...
Beste Ilse!
Wat een moie cottage pie! Chiabatta is ook well lekker!

Ik heb nu Babelfish op mijn blog. Maar ik weet niet op het nederlandse taal is daar. U moet het "flag" clicken!

Wat denkt U over mijn niewe Gabblybox en mijn niewe Ikea kitchen clock op mijn blog - ze zijn well lekker, niet waar?

Mijn nederlands is niet so goed, maar ik spreke duits OK. Nederlands en duits zijn zustertaalen, niet waar?

OK ik mag alles goed med U!

Uw engels vriend
en het vriend van Vincent en Nicole:
Gledwood!!
PS Hi Cassie!

2:10 AM


Gledwood said...
Vincent heeft mij uw url gegeven. En ik zal het in mijn links stellen.

OK tot later!

Gledwood said...

This is my English backtranslation of my Japanese comment to Pink Bubble La Peche ::

Today La Peche of rubber make sphere of pink! Your message of my web sight truly thank you! As for your blog not to lie beautifully, there is I, therefore it entered into delightful my contact. So doing and me the fact that the fact that my blog is read truly thank you is enjoyed is desired very. Everything it is best to your - the empty - Gledwood "Gledwood Vol 2" (http: //gledwood2.blogspot.com) By the way: The flag of the Japanese of my Babelfish the dust you try the fact that you sound and are high. That translates my entire blog because of you! If this it does and can report to me I desire the fact that you know good translation really how it is

!!

"the empty" was meant to say "from"
ie from Gledwood not "the empty Gledwood" !!!

Gledwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood