HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Fresh, Clean Hamsteries in a Horrid World...

LAST NIGHT at long last I cleaned out my hamsteries, both the roborovskis' fishtank and Pingpong the Chinese hamster's crappy Habitrail cage. (It's crappy because it's self-assembly (not recommended for the housing of rodents) and is so fragile it's basically falling apart. The more vigorously tubby and weightier Golden Hamster would get out of there within nary an hour's bar-worrying (you know, that "nibbling the bars" they can tend to get up to all night long when they're proclaiming their wheel's too small and they're bored!)) I don't remember shoving it in there but Pingpong had such a massive mound of chewed-up newspaper nesting material it filled nearly an entire carrier bag. Yes he is absolutely fine. I just don't mention him very much because he is so shy I barely see him and so exceedingly laid-back he never seems to do anything (except sleep a lot...) As for the robos: I replaced their newspaper floor with a single layer of pizza-box cardboard, which I'd written some erstwhile post on. I was hoping this might be cleaner and easier to replace... As usual the three swines went nuts, performing a donkey-derby in miniature then clambering on their wheel all three at once and pinging most determinedly as if in protracted attempted escape from the vulgarity of their horrid new home. They didn't even forgive me when I put down mounds of wild bird seed. Bashful bit me twice (though the teeth never sink in), Spherical lived up to her name: a gargantuan tubby football full of pouch-packed seeds. She glared at me balefully and with virulent suspicion then pinged rapidly out of the way whenever my horrid hands threatened to encroach too near. Itchy just curled up in a ball eating said seeds and ignored all the fuss of the other two...

What a horrible world this is. And how I hate living in it. I had been intending to write something "thoughtful" upon the subject but the inspiration's gone...

15 comments:

Elaine Denning said...

I had a hamster once.
It died.
Mum buried him in the garden.
Thee days later she disovered that hamsters hibernate.
She dug him up.
She saw that he'd moved! And there were scratc marks in the box!
Alas, that was probably three days previously.
God rest his soul.

Akelamalu said...

At least your hammies are comfortable now, whether they appreciate it or not!

Kahshe Cottager said...

Morning Gleds! It is a sunny day here for a change and it looks like it will be a nice day - I hope the sun shines for you today too. Somehow a lovely day can take the 'horrid' out of a day. I am sure the hammies are really loving their nice clean house and the yummy bird seed treats, they are just not showing you their appreciation!

Anonymous said...

My first pet was a hamster and it hated me.

Monogram Queen said...

Your hamsters are very entertaining... miss understood's post freaked me out!!!

Baino said...

I never thought of hamsters as being as individual as your lot. Very entertaining. I had one too on the condition that I looked after it but nobody told me they drank water . .poor Hamish. KC is right somehow sunshine makes the horrid stuff tolerable! Chin up champ!

Unknown said...

Horrid world, maybe—but think of the robos’ world: you completely remade it for them!

taco said...

cleaning cages will do that--put you in a sad mood. I once had a lovely golden Hammy and he lived in a crappy habitrail cage, which he got out of every night! I had to put a weight on top, eventually he took to weight lifting and got out. He preferred to live behind the sofa in a village made of paper

Bimbimbie said...

Could have been worse ... Kitty litter tray belonging to a cat with a runny bottom ... that was the start to my morning want to swap your hammies ;)

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Poor Pingpong! He seems to have rather a Sicilian attitude to life! Love your descriptions of the hammies' behaviour.

M- Filer said...

Horrible world aside, I am happy to read the post about your babies. I am enthralled with the minutae of animal life. I love 'em!

Deb said...

Hi gleds!

Sorry I've been a stranger...the sunny weather always means I'm on the go a lot more than usual. Which means I'm away from the computer.

I'm really into the Olympics and have been watching through the night (up until 3-4 watching them).

:)

Puss-in-Boots said...

The world can be horrid. But there are some good things in it...like your robos...what would you do without them, hmmmm? I bet that secretly they do appreciate their clean cage... but why let you know? After all, you might become complacent and take them for granted...

Gledwood said...

;->...

Katherine said...

I miss my hamsters suddenly~~ :((

PS. Your comment about British time (sidebar) is so funny!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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