HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Furry Friday-Saturdays: BADGERS

BADGERS are the most exotic, rarely-seen medium size/large mammals in Britain. Though they ramble through many a suburban back garden in the dead of night, most folks have never set eyes on one of these shy and reclusive creatures:

They live deep under ground, rarely emerge during daylight hours and detest being spotted:

They eat sloppy stuff like slugs in the damp of the woods:

The babies are cute:


Here's badgers filmed deep in their set in Kent, which is South-South-East of London...

(Baby) badger and otter. The otter is bigger than the badger:

This is an Indian "honey" badger vs Indian cobra. It must be HUNGRY:


Lesley said...

I've never seen a badger... only in photos and on t.v. They're lovely. Being a protected animal, it now seems a shame that farmers are blaming them for carrying disease and passing it on to cattle, as they may be culled. :(

Akelamalu said...

We've had foxes in our garden but I've never seen a badger, mind you I don't get up in the middle of the night so maybe that's why. ;)

Thanks for all the info Gleds.

Jeannie said...

I'm not sure I've ever seen an actual picture of a badger - only drawings in children's books. Lot's of groundhogs and bunnies and such though.

Gledwood said...

Lesley: I've never seen one either! As for DEFRA or farmers or whoever it is claiming they're passing on TB to cows: ridiculous! Any excuse for a cull. It's like the grey squirrels ~ the only kind any of us ever see. The RSPCA will not rescue them and claim they're not allowed to release "nonnative species" back to the wild. Suddenly in 2009 they're foreign invaders and they want them culled too!

Akelamalu: You'd be VERY LUCKY to spot a badger. I once spotted baby foxes frolicking in the old garden where I used to take Pandable the hamster for 4am insomniac dawn walks... but never ever a badger!

Jeannie: American badgers are aparently quite different. They look more gremlinous!

Baino said...

They really are elusive aren't they? A bit like our hairy nosed wombats I suspect. Very cute though. What disease do they transmit to cattle? Very rare to have inter-species diseases.

Deb said...

They're so absolutely adorable.

I love any creature at all...badgers being no exception.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I've heard badgers are shy and they're such pretty animals. Their coats are really striking.

I saw a TV doco on the honey badger and that's a pretty dangerous creature. I wouldn't want to get too close to one of those.

Gledwood said...

Baino: what diseases do they transmit to cattle? Allegedly, tuberculosis ...

Debs: any creature at all? What about head lice? (??!?) ;->...

Pussinboots: There seems to be quite a lot of animals that enjoy taunting Indian cobras. I think it's that stending up and hissing thing them snakes do wrong: makes 'em too much of a target for aggressive furries like honey badgers and mongeese. I once saw a mongoose going for a cobra ~ amazingly speedy and deft

Having said all that I've never seen any animal even attemptedly attacking a viper type snake. If you notice the difference: those type strike like lightning...



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood