HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Piri Piri Explosion!

I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO DUMPLINGIZE the last stew because I ate the entire lot while it was mulling overnight (y'know to let spices settle in). Anyway I've done a repeat performance today only without baby potatoes, which you don't need, carbs-wise when you're intending to saturate the pan with humungous puffing dumplings. They're so nice you end up eating more and more dumplings and barely bothering with the stew (well I do).

Anyway here's my recipe as performed this morning:

Serves one because I gobbled up so much of the ingredients last time. And speaking of ingredients they are:

About 1/3 lb cubed beef. I always cut the butcher's cubes into thirds when I get home. It makes the chunkiness go further.
1 medium onion, chopped
2 large spring onions, chopped right up till the leaves start getting too manky for human consumption. Dice through the onionier white sections
About 5 large field mushrooms, alternately quartered and sliced
Small selection of frozen carrots, broccoli, cauliflour selection
Cooking oil
Spices: curry powders, jerk seasoning, cajun seasoning, paprika. If you don't have such an exotic mix you can use just paprika and chili. Go easy on the chili though


Oil saucepan, put on med-hi heat, add beef cubes and fry till "sealed in" (ie grey all over), then add onion, fry a further 2 mins now reduce heat a bit, add mushrooms, fry a further 2 mins. Get all your piri piri spices and add in the following proportion: one spoon mixed total of curry/jerk/cajun spices to one spoon paprika. If using just paprika and chili then make the balance at least 90-10 with 90 on paprika's side.
Now chuck in chopped spring onion, fry up a bit.
I had to transfer to a larger pan a third way through the following and had to add more oil.
Once you've got these ingredients sizzling merrily add about a coffee mug full of freshly boiled water then add the frozen veg and put a lid on the pan. I always verge towards too much water as too little will get horrible burnt bits at the bottom. You can always boil off any excess simply by returning heat to max and removing lid for a few mins.
Cook for at least an hour and a half on as low a heat as you can muster.
In last half hour add frozen peas if desired.
Make up dumpling mix (self-raising flour, Atora vegetable suet and water with a tad salt and pepper). Check there's at least an inch of water depth. Chuck in 10 or so pingpong ball sized dumplings. (They swell massively).
My top tip: every time I do this I fret that I've delivered a spices overdose. And I never have yet. Although massively too much paprika is too much and frankly unnecessary.

Now I have to rush and get back to much bubbling piri piris.
Piri piri means some sort of African chili. I use the expression rather loosely, as you might have guessed.

I got the obsession from a certain Domino's Pizza advert:



OT Quartet: Hold That Sucker Down
This was once voted the bestest dance track of all time:


13 comments:

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Oh Gled, I'm a dumpling lover myself... ooohh. but when they go wrong... your stew's fucked.

A mouthful of gooey flour... urgh.

take care & keep well, Shane.

Jeannie said...

Interesting seasoning concept for stew.

I don't think we even get self rising flour here - we have to add our own baking powder.

I enjoy dumplings but my kids never caught on to them - I suppose I didn't make them enough.

Syd said...

Thanks Gled. I will try the recipe. Sounds good.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Sounds like an delicious recipe. I wish I had the makings!

Thanks for the videos.

Liz said...

I'm a big dumpling fan. Dumplings and stew gravy, mmmmmmm.

Baino said...

My mum used to make hot pot and dumplings. Very hearty! Might have a go at this one when the weather cools! Just watched the Perfect Day video . .gorgeous.

Janice said...

I just dropped by to wish you a happy Easter.

Janice~

Lou said...

Time for yet another blog: Gledwood Cooks? what do you think!

Akelamalu said...

I love dumplings! You sound like a very experienced and competent cook Gleds. :)

Gledwood said...

HH: what you mean the STEW goes wrong, + then dumplings mushy? My only advice would be don't oversuet the dumplings it makes them horribly greasy. Stew's quite easy once you get the hang of it. Just follow my recipe to the letter. Oh and I forgot to mention the herbs. Fresh obviously best, or a teaspoon mixed or mixed Mediterranean...

Jeannie: yeah you add paprika and currypowder type seasonings in 50:50 proportions and the "ethnicness" of curry is cancelled out, yet none of the spiciness. It tastes "North African"...

Syd: do, it's excellent. But don't forget fresh (or dried mixed) herbies...

Nick: Did you like "hold that sucker down"? That was a big club track mid-1990s...

Liz: ;->...

Gledwood said...

Baino: good. I always had 2 ways of doing stew. Either meat + slightly smaller sized veggie pieces or the way I did yesterday == meat in mush + dumplings, which I think is yummiest :->...

Janice: I hope you had a good eggster y'self!

Lou: I might well do. As I did say, one of my goals is to be "internet chef"..!!

Akelamalu: I'm not bad. My stuff is better than Iceland's industrial approximations by far

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood