HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


THE FOLLOWING is a mess. To be frank I don't feel like posting it but am doing so as I'm too tired about it to care. This is not my hypochondria: it's the result of my consultation of the mental health Operative in 4 hours of interviews. I don't care whether I do or do not have bipolar, it's not going to make any difference to me what label I get. A diagnosis is not a medal of honour to sport with pride, though more than one nutter I've met seemed to see their personal labelling this way. The following issues all came up during my recent mental health assessment with the Operative, who will pass on the details to the Psychiatrist so for once I get a proper evaluation instead of someone judging me as an apathetic junkie and ignoring 15 years of prior psychiatric history. So here's how the post started:

YESTERDAY'S non-post wasn't meant to be quite as childish as it might have looked. It was just that my brain was overloaded with things I had read/seen/might say/couldn't summon so I just gave up.

Presently as well as not feeling particularly fine due to no heroin and only 100mg methadone (I still don't feel right) though I have to say I don't particularly feel the "need" for a hit right at this moment.

What's bothering me is that I busted myself for having had what the Operative seems to see as some kind of "manic" episode when I was attemtpedly detoxing cold turkey some years ago. I could kick myself: I had assumed we were on safe ground and that what happened to me happened to everyone. Though one point that forever confounded me were the tales and representations of sick junkies lying in bed for a week. There is no way I could have done that. I suppose I did realize there was something wrong some time back when, leafing through an old depression book, I chanced upon an appendix listing DSMIV criteria for a "mixed bipolar episode" and realized with horror that's what (perhaps) had happened to me. Then I read at the very bottom some wording like: not caused or sustained by any underlying organic factors and I thought A-ha! That can't be it then as drug withdrawal is surely an "organic factor". Here are the DSM criteria for mania with my comments see what you think. "Mixed episode" means mania and depression simultaneously.

Put in druggie terms, my experience was like "bad speed". I.e. speeding out of my head and yet suicidal. Though I have to say I was going way WAY faster than I've ever gone on speed... The experience went on day and night for eight days until basically I used heroin. All agitation and a worsening constant anxiety ceased; then I felt depressed for weeks on end.

Manic Episode

DSM IV Criteria

A) A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary)
(Elevated for brief periods. Most of the time I was depressed, suicidal, anxious, terrified etc.) But unlike any ordinary depression my mood was EXTREMELY volatile. Swinging all over the place very rapidly...

B) During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:
1) inflated self-esteem or grandiosity no way ~ depression
2) decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep) managed 4 hours flat on massive doses of sleeping pills, woke with a jolt feeling horrible
3) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking my mind was full of such negative ideas I didn't want to express them
4) flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing yes: racing so fast I felt like I was flying/lost track repeatedly of my thought process
5) distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli) definitely: could barely focus for 30 seconds on anything
6) increase in goal-directed activity (at work, at school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation pretty extreme agitation: couldn't stop pacing the entire time; walked five miles right in middle of full detox
7) excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments) no because depressed out of my head

OK so four symptoms: racing thoughts, severe insomnia, distractability and extreme agitation (totally unable to keep still almost the entire time for eight days)

C) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode

D) The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features. wasn't working; social functioning yes: this was one of very few times I felt bad enough to loose my ability to keep up even a veneer of social nicety

E) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism) I would say yeah they are (so this wasn't it) but you could argue withdrawal is indirect as the drug's NOT THERE

Note: Manic-like episodes that are clearly caused by somatic antidepressant treatment (e.g., medication, electroconvulsive therapy, light therapy) should not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar I disorder.

OK here's the criteria for depression:

Major Depressive Episode

DSM IV Criteria

A) Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure

Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations

1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood. very much so
2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others) no interest in anything, except pacing back and forth and glimpsing horrific passages in Revelation with my shot attention span
3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains. barely any appetite at all but didn't weigh self
4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day max 4 hours' sleep even on sleeping pills
5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down) extreme agitation of mind and body all the time; unable to keep still or focus on anything
6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day yes despite feeling so hyper I was utterly exhausted
7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick) very low self-esteem
8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others) extremely
9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide suicidal thoughts x100s per day ~ with specific plan

B) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode they might

C) The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. yes

D) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism) I assumed this proviso got me off the hook, but I'm not 100% sure

E) The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation. no bereavement

And finally: criteria for mixed bipolar episode

Mixed Episode

DSM IV Criteria

(Note: this is often referred to as "rapidly cycling bipolar" - but technically Rapid Cycling refers to at least 4 episodes in the previous 12 months that meet criteria for a Major Depressive, Manic, Mixed or Hypomanic Episode, and the Episodes are demarcated either by partial or full remission for at least 2 months or a switch to an episode of opposite polarity - e.g., Major Depressive Episode to Manic Episode)

A. The criteria are met both for a Manic Episode and for a Major Depressive Episode (except for duration) nearly every day during at least a 1-week period. yes for manic, definitely for depressed

B. The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features. yes impairment

C. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment), or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism) again not really sure, the Operative didn't seem to think this criterion counted as my experience was markedly different from the normal writhing in bed of heroin detox

Note: Mixed-like episodes that are clearly caused by somatic antidepressant treatment (e.g., medication,, electroconvulsive therapy, light therapy) should not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder

These are the ordinary withdrawal symptoms from heroin/methadone, as listed on the drug abuse info cards dished out by Havard Medical School in the States:

Early Signs (8-12 hrs): Diaphoresis, nausea, yawning, lacrimation,
tremor, rhinorrhea, irritability, dilated pupils, resp. rate, pulse>90
Severe Signs (12-48 hrs): Insomnia, elevated T,P,R,& BP, nausea,
vomiting, abdominal cramps, chills, diarrhea, muscle twitching,
dilated pupils
Course: (1) Heroin: onset in 8-12 hrs, lasting 5-10 d, untreated.
(2) Methadone: onset in 24-48 hrs., lasting 2-4 wks.
• Methadone-maintained pt - confirm dose w/methadone clinic.
• Analgesics: pt is tolerant to opioids - analgesic Rx required for pain
management. Methadone maintenance pts. may require higher
than conventional doses or increased frequency to attain analgesia.
• Expect coping problems: Don’t dwell on dosage with pt.
• Monitor pulse, respiration, pupil size.
Acute Medical Adm:
Dose (inpt.)
• Untreated street addict: @ signs of w/drawal. Rx 20 mg po.
• Known heavy use: 30 mg po: Increase 5-10 mg q 2-4 hrs. to
stabilize. No more than 40 mg in 1st 24 hrs.
• Avoid doses >40 mg qd. unless enrolled in a licensed methadone
program or inpt. > 4 days.
• May use Clonidine 0.1mg. po tid with methadone or alone for
short stay patients.
• If NPO: ½ daily dose IM, divided q 12 hrs & restart prior full po
dose as tolerated.
Course: Onset 30-60 m: peak levels 2-6 hrs: duration 24-36 hrs.
Side Effects: Reduce 5-10 mg prn lethargy:
• Taper: If 1-14 d s/p admission, 10-20% qd. Expect distress.
Discharge planning: initiate as quickly as possible.

Bear in mind I was coming off "cold" ~ ie total cold turkey with no methadone help at all. In fact I flushed my methadone down the toilet in order to get on with detoxing as quickly as poss.

Severe insomnia, depression, anxiety and agitation are all normal in opiate detoxification and to be expected.

What happened to me, however, appears to have been far more extreme than the average experience.

As for the severity markers, by day 5 I was well enough physically to go visiting relatives. Just had a bit of chills left. But without going into protracted detail, mentally totally unable to cope.

I had taken antidiarrohea meds, anti-emetics and anti-cramp meds and I did have sleeping pills.

My main physical withdrawal symptoms were: extreme sweats, especially night sweats, hot and cold flashes. I was lucky to get no cramps, no diarrhoea, no running eyes and nose (which I'm not prone to anyhow). Which may all sound a bit weird but bear in mind I'd been using only 0.3g daily by skinpopping. Average British street purity is around 40% so that would be up to 120mg diamorphine a day daily for 6 months, with broken history of regular heroin use extending back eighteen months before adn irregular use 2 or 3 years behind that.

The most farcical thing was, all this happened in front of my family. It wasn't "flu-type symptoms" that busted me, or sweating (that only happened ultra-heavily at night) but my extreme restless agitation and highly "labile" (variable) mood and shot to pieces attention span. I was behaving in a totally out of character way. What happened to me went FAR beyond ordinary anxiety/depression (which I was more than familiar with by this time) ~ as I say, this felt like "bad speed" but far more extreme than anything speed or coke's done to me. I was going extremely fast ~ felt more than anything like I was on bad acid. Difference being bad acid wears off within 24 hours tops. This went on and on for eight days, day and night, ceaselessly. And stopped when I used heroin again. Even then my mood failed properly to improve. Though the agitation and "mania" ceased, i was left depressed out of my head, even when high on heroin ~ and of course my tolerance had reset to zero so heroin back then was full-on strong.

OK I do apologize for the scattershot nature of this post. I didn't really want to tell the story of this nasty episode from beginning to end. It was one of the handful of all time WORST experiences of my life. By any normal standards what happened to my head was EXTREME. Basically I felt like I was having a breakdown; there were times in that week when I really did lose it.

Now I'm wondering whether anyone reading this who knows anything about bipolar/psychiatry/etc can comment or remark on anything the above brings up for then..? I've not yet had the chance to be grilled on this by the psychiatrist and feel a lot of apprehension on what label I might get. Bear in mind I've also overreacted to antidepressants on several occasions ~ gone into "hypomanic" type states. And in the year before my addiction really kicked in was getting regular mood swings from frequent depression to mild bouyand sustained euphoria with overconfidence and a mild version of those mania symptoms I lacked during the detox episode because of feeling so mentally lousy. Those swings were short ~ only a couple of weeks usually ~ but long enough to "fulfill" the lovely DSM's criteria, which again fills me with stress: what does this really mean..?? My detox episode is by far from my only "bipolar" type experience. The Operative focused on it because it was the most extreme. I'd be most grateful for anything anyone's got to say.

Right I've got to go this is tangled enough. Sorry for the mess. I really have not the energy to hack this around so please make sure if you're answering you've read through thoroughly.

Cheerio, everybody. Back tomorrow!


Maybe this
should be my new anthum: "I want to live, not merely survive; and I won't give up this dream of life that keeps me alive..."

Duffy: Diet Coke Ad

Robbie Williams ~ Feel

This one made me cry during one of my far too infrequent sobriety attempts.
I got too much life, running through my veins, going to waste...


Baino said...

Gleds you've been very honest here. Maybe you should print this out and give it to your Psych. It's a shame that operatives can only go by the tick a box symptom list. I have no knowledge of bi-polar but it seems to be as prevalent a label as ADHD and a nice broad spectrum diagnosis for those who don't fit all the criteria. I still think if you're going to get clean, you need a strong support network rather than the cold turkey approach and frankly, while you're using, it's going to be impossible to tell what is psychosis and what is drug or lack thereof, induced. Good luck my friend.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds. That was a most profound post.

My brother has bipolar disorder and he was also on drugs, which exacerbated the pre-existing condition which we didn't realise he had. He must have been born with bipolar or else developed it at a very young age, because I always remember him as either being hypermanic or totally depressed. I wonder if this is the same scenario with you?

You could have developed mild bipolar and once the drug scene kicked in, it would have been exacerbated thus manifesting itself properly during withdrawal.

Something to think about, maybe. Good luck with your endeavours and your psych evaluation. I just hope you can get some help and assistance.


Jeannie said...

I wish I had something to offer. But I think Baino is right - print it out and hand it in. (I know my doc appreciated a written history the first time I visited her - easier for her to read - and she kept it in her file - and also easier than trying to remember everything on the spot.)

Hope you get it all sorted out soon.

Lou said...

Gleds, I agree with all the above. You may know my son is a 10 year heroin addict. In that time he has seen lots of shrinks of varying competency. He has been told he is bipolar, schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, ADHD. Why can no one agree? Because his drug use has masked/exaggerated whatever is going on. Add to that the various cocktails of meds he gets from each different doctor..I throw up my hands in confusion. As do they.
All I can say is be honest, and be willing to work with them.

Syd said...

It sounds like a lot of confounding factors. I hope that you can get some kind of diagnosis and then some way to get help.

Akelamalu said...

I have nothing to offer other than I hope you get a correct diagnosis and the right help. x

Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood