HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Heroin Doesn't Get Me High Anymore But I'm Still Cleaning My House

I HAD MY LAST shot of heroin and it was no good. Not that it was weak: it was sticky and dark and full of da chemical business but it's not doing the business for me so I'm dropping it. Fortuity has done me a favour in making this easier, I'll explain this later in the week. Heroin and I should have parted ways a long while ago. It does nothing for me except make me feel tired. The joy in it's all gone. I don't care for heroin any more.

I focused my attention today on cleaning my house. This time I cleared out my bedroom, where a pile of detritus had built up by the door. Old cups, papers, pens, biscuit wrappers and everything concealed under a fresh bedsheet. Things had gone seriously downhill like I can't explain. I wrote to the council, who've put me on the Council Tax computer asking now I'm surely on their system, could I please have payment card or counterfoils for the weekly accommodation charge I'm surely supposed to pay here. That's the bill I was told "not to worry about" because as far as the System was concerned I did not exist. My life is Twilight Zone enough without my nonexistence causing additional strife. I'm off to the photocopier, 10p envelope shop and post office with that one as soon as I'm done here. Then I'm supposed to be attending an antidrugs group I don't really want to go to but perhaps I'll feel better afterwards.

Ta-ta everybody: how was your day?


kelly Al-Saleh said...

Wow! Go with it while you still feel that way esp when if you've been feeling that way for some time.

Its usually dealers that make me want to come off/behave - or rather- the way they treat me - e.g. tell you to wait half an hour, when you say you want to go somewhere else say they're 5 mins away then turn up 6 hours later or lead you on a 'merry' dance all the way.

How long since you last used? I usually find the thought of quitting so easy whilst on then when off I go stir crazy and the other way.

ps. why don't you look up Graphic design or desk top publishing courses. I know lots of cool design sites if you're interested.


Gledwood said...

I last used about 10 mins before I wrote that post. I'm so fed up with heroin, I've kept a tiny filter for use in the icy depths of morning so if I wake up feeling methadone-horrible it should thaw me out in 5 mins rather than waiting an hour for the juice to take hold (I drink the juice at the same time)

I know what you mean about wanting to be clean when you're dirty. it's weird but nondruggies often find that hard to understand though it's entirely logical...

I was interested in learning book design. I'd love to be able to design my own books as well as write them. And I'd love to design other people's...

Syd said...

It sounds as if this is a good time to quit then. Hope that you do get to design books, and do graphic arts. There's a real demand for that over here.
My day? So far going well. It's a bit gray at the moment outside but everything is lush green which is amazing. I have a meeting tonight which is good.

kelly Al-Saleh said...

ok, a good start is Derek Birdsall. He's British and a legend. A good American one would be Paul Rand. Go googling but here's some links to get you started. This is design history but these are the Masters of what they do so they're a good aspiration:




Typography will always put any designer in good stead. You can't be a good designer and be ignorant about type; it is the lifeblood of design.
swap trainspotting for fontspotting. soon you'll be annoying/boring people by shouting out the names of fonts on posters on the underground.

Well, i hope that feeling stays beyond your last bit cos it's what you'll need. In my case, finances are forcing me to stick with the script.


Gledwood said...

Syd: there IS a demand? I had thought for some reason it was an over-full field...

I wanted something creative that didn't feel brainbusting and paid relatively well. Also graphic designers wear nice casual clothes, which is always good...

Kelly: I've never heard of those people but will have a good look

I love typography. I don't know if you've been reading this long enough to have picked up loving references to foreign scripts like Burmese (lovely and round ~ I think it's the funkiest writing in the world) and Armenian (Cyrillic crossed with musical notes and runes)...

Yeah I bloody hope the feeling lasts. It was a novelty last Sunday to buy the Sunday Times. Usually I'm far too broke for that, after all it's all of TWO POUNDS...(!!)

Akelamalu said...

You're really having a spring clean aren't you? I hope you do stay of heroin.

Nicole said...

My day wasn't any more exciting. I had a day's worth of freelance work. Went to the post office and back to work and the supermarket, ate some dinner and that's about it.

Queenneenee said...

For a very long time at the end of my drinking career I despised it and knew I needed to stop or else. It was to the point it didn't DO anything for me. I hope this feeling lasts for you Gleds. I worked today and have my Home Group meeting tonight and I have the NEXT TWO DAYS OFF!!! yeee hawww

Baino said...

It's a start Gleds and keep the meetings up even if they are a chore. For goodness sakes buy a bin!

Whitenoise said...

Keep trying, Gled. Keep going to NA.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hey Gleds! Wanna come and clean up my place???

Bimbimbie said...

How did the meeting go?

Sounds like your body has decided enough is enough. Just a warning housework can be dangerous to one's health and mind ;)

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~What great news that you are tired of heroin ~ I hope you can stay off it now and make something of your life. You are talented to be
able to put on all the videos etc that you do. I am sorry I haven't been around for a while, but haven't been well at all. Just now feeling better which is great. I was so very sorry that Little Itchy died. I bet you still miss her/him. Nice that Mother Hubbard
let you bury her in her garden. She
is a good friend. I do hopw the depression is gone for good.
Thanks so much for your comment on my story about Faith, the dog who walked on his two hind legs. He was amazing. Take great care of
yourself, my friend, Regards, Merle.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...


You know me by now, and even if I'm content using myself I don't promote H or wish it on anyone who struggles with it. So, I just wish you the best... and hope that you get what you want. If it does nothing for you, quiting is what you must do.

Best wishes, Shane

Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

Anonymous said...

Hi, I recently passed my iphone to my kid cousin and he accidentally deleted off some of my photos. Does anyone know of any software I can use to recover them back? I have googled and tried most of their suggestions but to no avail. Thanks!
[url=http://unlockiphone22.com]unlock iphone[/url] [url=http://psu-it.net/main//modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&p=61387#61387]unlock iphone[/url]



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood