HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

No Wonder She's Tubby!

MY LOCAL SHOP is selling the type of McVite's digestives manufactured for overseas markets. The packaging's all in Turkish, Albanian and Arabic and you can just about find English by turning upside down and putting a microscope next to the barcode. The white chocolate-like coating is actually strawberry yoghurt "with real fruit pieces!" ~ as goes the declaration in a plethora of Middle Eastern languages.

I gave the Trotters a bit of one of these. How cute they looked craning necks as to say "what's the old dinosaur up to this time?" and eyes looking especially beady. So I lower said biscuit. Without ceremony Spherical grabbed it and scurried off to her side of the Cadbury's Chocolate Fingers box (I only buy this stuff to give them somewhere to live!).... leaving Bashful high and dry biscuitless and forlorn. She didn't even bother to follow. Probably has been on the receiving end of Carrot Nose's viciousness one too many times. When I gave her a piece of her own I noticed she scuttled off as far away from Spherical as she could trot (all of 10 inches). O it's a weary life being a dwarf Mongolian hamster. No wonder they only live an average two months in the wild...

I MET A KINDLY THUG at drugs drop-in service
who informed me of the horrific Easter Weekend to come. I can't believe I was oblivious. I don't believe in the paganized brand of supposed "Christianity" propounded by the Counterfiet Church in Rome and so my eyes are shut to images of Easter bunnies and chocolate eggs. Although I love the cute carrot-gnawers and adore Easter-egg chocolate. If I were going to have a pet though I think I'd go for a chinchilla. I always think they resemble rabbits from Mars... I saw one getting its teeth clipped on Rolf Harris's Animal Hospital. It doesn't hurt. But you should have seen how the tubby little critter screwed up its cone-nose as if to say: "Where have they GONE?!?"

I got given a free 49p Cadbury's Creme Egg whilst passing a paganized Afro Carribean church en route to my dealer t'other day. I luuurve the fondant fillings, doesn't everyone agree. Though I can't imagine they'd be a success in the hotter territories of the world. Without the severest air-con you'd end up with a shelf-full of foil-squashed chocolate ooze...

NOW I'M TRYING TO LIVE HEALTHILY: putting back a £3 875g "Rocky Road" family chocolate-caramel-fudge cheesecake and scurrying off with 6x "whitefish" fillets (they mean pollack) and Iceland's own industrially crisped diddly roasting potatoes. By the way if you want to piri piri these and are not in possession of Cajun seasoning, I did 'em first time round with 90% paprika 10 or even 5% chili powder mix. To this I added MSG and salt. They crisped up really nicely and I think the flavour might better suit the average western palate. Lots of paprika's essential as it crisps up something lovely and makes a fantastic vehicle for "chili delivery" as htey might say int' indoostrial crisping factori.

Right! Yer idle!! Hey my floors are dazzlingly... well lacking in cobwebs, fagash residue, dropped frozen peas &c &c. Quite unbelievable!!

So now I'm off home with pollack fillets (twice as many (but 2/3 size: I did notice that) as cod) and a curbungction of diddly tomatoes and lemon to make fish and diddly potatoes go wonderful..!


Samuel L Jackson gives dramatic licence to classic song lyrics:

Here's the original. Joe Dolce, 1980. ~Anyone remember this? Shut Uppa Ya Face!
I remember it because it was on Top of the Pops the night I refused to go to Cubs because the other kids were teasing me because my hair was falling out. 8 years old and under such stress. I got taken out of classes and a kindly lady came to see me at school. I now know she was probably a kiddie psychologist or the like. All she asked me was "were things happy at home?" and I replied: Of course. What else was I meant to say with my Mum sitting there? And how was I to know what was and wasn't happy??

I love Leona. She's sweet. Here's the unknown Leona Lewis on the X Factor talent show. If you've not seen this and can even vaguely tolerate this sort of thing you want to see this because this performance is outstanding:


Syd said...

I really like your names for the hamsters--Carrot Nose and Spherical. Very descriptive, I'm sure. I'm not doing the Easter thing either. I do the spiritual program but not the Christian one.

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Hahahahah! Rob just introduced me to the Shutupa Your Face song a couple of weeks ago.

Akelamalu said...

WEll done for swapping the cake for something healthier!

Jeannie said...

I remember that song! Back then there were a number of comical songs out. One about Shaving cream...The Garbage Song...The Streak.. good times!

I am one of those rare people who does NOT like Cadbury creme eggs - love the chocolate but not the fondant. My family loves them. I will go buy some for easter after my shift.

AnnaGrace said...

Question, What was so stressfull at home, that your hair was falling out?

I had a friend in elementry shcool, and his hair feel out because of stress, we later found out he was being sexual abused by his stepfather on a regular basis.

That boy is now in a very sucessfull band here in the states.

Liz said...

I don't like creme eggs!

And I have indigestion something rotten! Could be to do with the 5-minute choc cake and custard I just ate.

Baino said...

I remember Joe Dolce . .he's an Aussie! Terrible song that hit the charts here in a big way . . .not since Chuck Berry's My Dingaling has there been such an awful cacophany!
And I read that they're being all PC over there and renaming Pollack because it's a racist name! Phooey!That's like renaming shark 'flake' yep, that's what we do but it's still SHARK! (tasty, no bones). And I am stealing 'curbunction' excellent word! Have a good pagan hollie. . .hey . .chocolate is always good!

M- Filer said...

"To this I added MSG and salt. They crisped up really nicely and I think the flavour might better suit the average western palate"

MSG! Are you crazy Gled? How horrid to purposely add such a vile ingredient to anything. Deplorable.

Lou said...

What IS Easter without creme eggs! I will be in church, but live & and let live is my belief.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Well, that's the best excuse for buying Cadbury's Fingers I ever heard of!

Bimbimbie said...

There's a bag of Cadbury Cream eggs - caramel flavour sitting in our fridge right now ;)

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood