HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

3 Spanish Songs

THESE are pretty much the only three "Spanish" songs I know. Apart from "la Bamba" which just annoys me:

UNA PALOMA BLANCA una paloma is a pigeon. Which means Paloma Picasso is called Pigeon Picasso. So una paloma blanca, of course, is a dove. This topped charts around Europe in 1975:



JEANETTE: PORQUE TE VAS
Jeanette
is a musician with a genuine cult following. Described as "the eternal 16-year-old" after the sound of her voice, this was her biggest hit in 1976, from the film Cria Cuervos, which means "Cry of the Crows".



Silvia Y: Viva Espana!
Classic "we're going to Costa Blanca!" song from 1974, a time when Spain was still considered exotic:

12 comments:

Jeannie said...

La Paloma Blanca drove me nuts back then - we never had the other 2 over here.

We visited Mallorca back in the 90's and weren't impressed. The locals were hostile and everything was outrageously expensive. I got extremely ill there from something which lasted months and had similarities to hepatitis. They never did figure out what was wrong. I would never ever go back.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ So you are busy learning languages. Good for you. I hope you can master a couple of them ~~
maybe Spanish and German. So you must still be toying with the idea of travelling overseas.
Thanks for your message. Not only 5 year old kids get ear-ache. But mine has quite gone now. I get one occasionally but the application of some heat over it usually fixes it. Do hope you are doing well my friend.Glad you are enjoying your music machine. Take care, Be well
and safe. Regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Jeannie: would that have been hep A then? That's sposed to be spread by food/dirty water by mouth ~ unlike other hepatitis which needs IV drugging or getting one up the ... to spread

Hey it is catchy. Not like la Bamba which is catchy annoying and tacky, this is catchy, annoying, tacky and KITCH haha!!

Merle: I know I was only joking. It is pretty rare though surely in grown-ups? I've only had it once at about 17. Glad it's gone. Nasty business

Puss-in-Boots said...

I don't know any Spanish songs...I don't count La Bamba, that's a pop song. I love their Flamenco dancers...all that sultry twirling and stamping to a guitar and castenets...ooh, gives me the shivers.

Baino said...

Damn ye Gleds. I visited this morning but blogger wouldn't let me comment and I've been humming these three in my head all friggin' day! NO . .they're not good . . .speshially "Vera the Spaniel"! Not happy!

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: I heard a thing about Flamenco on the radio. The reason the singers have such passion is the pain ~ of being a gypsy social outcast, working in 45C heat "in the shade" (as if there was any shade except a straw hat in the fields) and so on. It was fascinating and gave real "insight" ~ well as much as a pale English boy who never did a day's work in a field in his life can have.

(Though I DID do 3 weeks' river bank pruning in the hot summer of France. But that was all worthwhile for the free baguettes, cheese and "vin rouge" we got at lunchtime ~ haha!!)

Baino: but what about Porque te Vas? My Dad brought that home from honeymoon in Spain (2nd marriage when I was 10) 2 Jeanette tapes. They are classic!!

I chose crap AND kitch music... La Bamba is just crap. Also these 3 have Spanish phrases as titles/key phrases in the song which is why I call them "Spanish" even though 1 and 3 are half in ENGLISH and George Baker Selection were DUTCH~!!

Vincent said...

You know that George Baker is DUTCH? :-)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Baker_(Dutch_singer_and_songwriter)

Gledwood said...

Oh aye!! (Well he doesn't sound Spanish!!!)

I just thought that added to the entertainment ;->...

Gledwood said...

That's why I put "Spanish" in inverted commas before songs...

Mark p.s./Mark p.s.2 said...

"una paloma blanca" was big hit here in Montreal Quebec Canada also.

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Gledwood said...

Mark: see you can't escape it anywhere!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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