NOT ENOUGH TIME ~ and far too many things to do in it!
I am very annoyed with "Maple Syrup", my drugs "worker" for nagging at me to go daily antidrug seminars. It's not that EVERY single day there's one she thinks I ought to attend. But two or three times a week there are "relevant" ones on. And she appears to assume I'm doing nothing better so I HAVE to go.
I don't see why I should make excuses for being busy in my OWN LIFE. So I never explain to her why I miss them. Often the reason is I was doing something essential e.g. signing residency documents for where I live now at the council.
I am learning two foreign languages and those alone have me exhausted. Ploughing through that German novel, dictionary in hand, I think: just two more pages. Two more means one more hour. And yet I have to do it. My comprehension has risen from about 90% to over 95% so I know I'm doing something right. Spanish I play on the CDs round and round and yell out the answers: Una cocha para diez dias por favor! et cetera! And Spherical, who I try to address in Spanish thinks I have gone even crazier than before and squeals back to me in her chipmunk tones: ¡Déjame en paz! What do you think that means?
I am also permanently exhausted half the time. This being a medically diagnosed problem they call Chronic Fatigue Syndrome crossed with depression (you see, nobody knows what anything REALLY is... I have symptoms of something like hepatitis C or Lyme disease... though my last hep C test came out totally negative. And I also got tested for other bloodbourne viruses: Hep A, hep B, HIV and syphillis. All negative (thank God).
And of course my crash-course in sobriety (so to speak) has crashed into a wall. And I'm still using. Just a little less obsessively than before. And (somehow) eyeing that goal of CLEAN AND SOBER a little more closely. It seems a little more achievable, despite my having failed yet again to get there.
Am I any nearer? Am I better equipped to reach that sought-after "place"? Am I simply bouncily turgid because more full of bull**** than ever before?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL...
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