¡España Por Favor!

THIS MORNING I copied my Mother, who does the washing up listening to The Archers, a soap opera featuring a village divided by class: posh country people and the yokel turnips. Except I was HABLAR-ing away en español at the top of my voice as the dishes (eventually) got cleaner. Some of those stubborn stains were so hard to shift we'd got from hiring a car to calling the emergency plumber by the time they had gone!

The depression I was moaning on about last week finally went ~ as you may have noticed by my daily mentions of Spanish vacaciones (or whatever they're called), rainbow donkies etc. And along with it my ridiculously extended sleep pattern. I'm now back to sleeping 7 or 8 hours.

Last night ITV showed the 2nd of 2 parts of Paradise Lost the TV prog on the nightmare facing an estimated million Brits in Spain alone as the credit crunch plus flagging pound hits the costas.

You hear all about a place called "Benidorm" and I always wondered why I've never met a single person who's been there. The mystery came a little clearer last night with a couple who bought a bar called The Rusty Nail. Takings were so poor, on a bad day they might make 3 euros! Soon as the narator mentioned "Benidorm" I thought I bet they're Northern ~ and sure enough they were. For some reason that particular area, which is just south of Barcelona, attracts holiday makers from Birmingham up (or to put in American-friendly terms, Brits who speak "with an accent").



One particular couple ~ I wanted to scream it at the television set ~ you could see exactly why their bar attracted nobody. 1. as they admitted they hadn't a word of the local lingo and so were utterly unable to serve locals, even though locals came in 2. the very plainness of the place was unbelievable. TART IT UP! I wanted to yell. Even if that means festooning the bar with sombrero-sporting donkey souvenirs (which must always be on sale ~ merchandising is the key!!). Anything! However tacky. But not just bare walls, bare bar: bare bare bare!

And that was another thing: EVERY single Brit interviewed was laughing or even half-PROUD about barely speaking a word of Spanish, which is one of the EASIEST languages to learn. Far easier than French, which can take an age to learn how to read aloud (so many silent letters). Plus the "gender" of nouns ~ masculine or feminine ~ is almost always immediately apparent in Spanish; that's why you say los maños and las palmas. In French, whether a word is male or female is often purely a matter of memory-work. I don't know. I just don't understand how you can splosh out £350,000 or more on a house and yet resent paying £50 on a few books and CDs!

Apart from Barcelona, the bit I would naturally gravitate to would be the Costa del Sol. This is the most easterly mooring point for yachts and cruisers of the Mediterranean and so attracts super-rich as well as more ordinary citizens. Not surprisingly the credit crunch isn't biting quite as hard here. They featured an East European lady who employs nearly 130 staff selling high-end properties, some in the multi-millions of Euros. I carefully took down her name. I actually dream at night of wandering the corridors of palatial mansions. I love architecture. If I were rich I would collect homes (nothing as vulgar as cars). So the idea of being an estate agent or "realtor" (as they don't call them here or in Spain) still appeals. Though they do have a shockingly bad reputation.

So you see my Spanish dream is still alive. I'm sure that where you have a million Brits seemingly drowning ~ for want of an interpreter as much as anything else ~ there must be a living to be made SOMEWHERE... Plus, incidentally after British the most common nationality living in Spain is GERMAN ~ so you see where this sudden language-study is going...

... and I've barely even mentioned las Islas Canarias yet ...

WHILE we're on kitch music from my childhood...

RENEE AND RENATO: SAVE YOUR LOVE
A huge hit, Christmas 1982
Yeah yeah I know this is all "Italiano" but it's all white buildings and old ladies drest in black... PS one Brit I do know who is mistress of the Italian language is Welshcakes Limoncello ~ à la Sicily Scene blog ...
Renee's "Pavarotti light" style voice was a huge hit. In my opinion he's far better than Paul Potts:



JUST ONE CORNETTO ~ CLASSIC TV COMMERCIAL ~ SUNG BY RENATO
Cornetto was at the time the most premium quality ice-cream available from ordinary shops. The tune is "O Sole Mio".
This, featuring a Cornetto-snatching singer (voiced by "Renato") is one of the most classic British telly ads of the early 1980s:



Pictures~ top: Spanish beach-donkey; a typical sight at Benidorm, note the transfixed local little boy; Fuertaventura, Canary Isles (somewhere I'd really like to go) inside the Rusty Nail bar, Benidorm from se vende site; foam party, Club Amnesia, Ibiza (Balearic Isles); Marbella, Costa del Sol