HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

¡Vamos a hablar español!

OK RATHER than bang in another post about how tired I feel I decided to go with an idea I had from (actually quite a depressing) TV prog last night entitled Spain: Paradise Lost. Now what you must understand about Spain, if you're not British or North European is that it's always been the short-haul sun-seeking destination of choice for Brits, Germans, Beneluxians and Scandinavians (with Greece a close second). From an American viewpoint you might say it's our Mexico. In recent years, the coasts have been deluged by mostly British but also a lot of German ex-pats wanting to start a new life. For this reason the Spanish Costas are sometimes called the California of Europe.

I've been to the Costa del Sol and it was pretty mental. People pack up and just go, get jobs in bars or restaurants or set up places of their own ~ most never learn a word of the local language.

Buying property in Spain is fraught with dangers ~ and this was the topic of last night's docu. Land laws are VERY different out there ~ and not having a clue about the language you're basically at the mercy of fate unless you're very careful.

Then I realized that because I speak German as well as English I'd actually be in quite a strong position to deal with a great number of these ex-pats, if I chose to go. I've always wanted to speak Spanish anyway (just never had a strong enough excuse to learn). If I DID get good Spanish ~ wow! I could start up a sunny new life. And act as an interpreter for folks taking sewerage-spouting rivers of diarrhoea running down the embankment like volcanic lava whenever it rains never finished la urbanización property developers to court!

An urbanización is a new development, usually of holiday apartments with bars areas, restaurant, swimming pools etc for lobster-red Northern European tourists to splurge life savings on...

... the problem being that the credit crunch has left many such places that were bought and paid for off-plan utterly unfinished. Or even worse the towering Euro and cowering pound credit-crunch interest-rates type situation has left many in negative equity and faced with losing everything.

Well it's only an idea. But as the saying goes, where there's trouble there's dosh to be made. So maybe I shall end up in the environs of Malaga rather than Vienna-Berlin...

The local fresh sardines are really nice. So long they flop each side off the plate. And local lemons to squeeze all over them. Not like the tinned variety at all...

... that's if I can stop myself sleeping 14 hours a day first!! I did 9 hours straight last night and woke up unhappy to be disturbed. Got back early afternoon and did another 3 or 4 ~ that's 12 or 13 already and the day is yet young.

Right I've got to ping else I'll be terminated.

*photos: self-explanatory except: towering hotels ~ Benidorm; top pic Costa de la Lux, said to be Southern Spain's undiscovered treasure... the secluded beach is Tenerife's Playa de Antequera (Canary Isles)...
... o yeah, and the painting's of Miguel de Cervantes' DON QUIXOTE...


Gledwood said...

if I don't get to reply to those comments yesterday and before it will have to be tomorrow ~ being timed out AGAIN after an hour!!

Akelamalu said...

Spain's OK for a quick break but I prefer other places.

Syd said...

I've never been. But I've heard that it is quite nice. I think that I would like Italy better though.

Baino said...

Can't stand the idea of a load of pale brits getting sunburned in the south but San Sebastian is gorgeous. Silly Brits, dont they know that you still tan wearing sunscreen! I live under the feiry star all the time and never get burned! Twits.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hear, hear, Baino! I wouldn't mind Spain... I like Spanish food and would like to taste the real thing. Who knows...it may happen one day.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I'm planning for 14 hours sleep or so, myself, tonight.

Much love,


Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: I went to Madrid for all of half an hour (between trains) and that was fascinating. And I can say "I've been to Madrid"!

If I was going somewhere really beautiful I'd pick Sardinia it's sposed to be amazing...

Syd: there's more in the way of ancient ruins and art in Italy that's for sure

Baino: I know! 1st news report from the 2nd gulf war showed lobster red Brit soldiers and I thought if they can't get sunscreen right how on earth are they gonna win a war??

Pussinboots: It's v nice once you get off the beaten track. There's a town only about 10 miles inland from Torremolinos up a huge cliff. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called but it's amazing

SB: aye aye I got about 15 and actually feel better for it today. Though the associate druggieworker pointed out I was talking v quickly and jumping topics "and that's probably why you got accused of being bipolar" ~ ooer



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood