HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Foot Mushrooms!

ALL THIS "HEATWAVE" SWEATING has brought me out in the most terrible "athlete's" feet and prickly heat. That river of perspiration running down my back has sprouted all manner of fungal growths. I know what's happening because it happened before at my old house with radiators on full blast in high summer. The house where I lost my mind.

So I'm now covered in two types of antifungal emollients. One a "wash" the other a "creme" formulation.

These unguents are said to go on working for some time after application and hopefully will get zonked out straight away by this highly proactive nuking situation.

I also bought miracle "yukky foot smell in old boots and trainers begone" spray for about £5 ~ and amazingly it works!

If there's any other intimate medical details you'd like to know ~ just ask.

It's what that comments box is all about!!

PS: "foot mushrooms" ~ Fußpilz or Fusspilz ~ being the Germans' charmingly direct expression for "athlete's foot"..!

PPS: Can anyone name the "brand" of mushrooms illustrated?... If so, you might get a cash prize!

(And also might not)...


MICHAEL JACKSON: "MILK OF AMNESIA" FOUND AT STAR'S HOME

MICHAEL JACKSON was on some hardcore pharmaceuticals, the Sun newspaper reveals.
The most recent allegation being that a bottle of Propofol, an "anaesthetic induction agent" (ie something you IV and it zonks you right out) was discovered in the late superstar's boudoir.

Media sources are claiming the singer regularly "begged" his nurses for this medication and that he was taking it just to sleep at night!

Propofol is classed as a nonbarbiturate hypnotic agent that should be used with extreme caution in conjunction with opioid analgesics. In other words, it is being alleged, the combination of this with everything else Jackson was alleged to be on, could well be what finished him off.

This medication should only ever be administered by a trained anaesthetist in an operating-theatre situation, physicians insist.

So what on earth was it doing in Michael Jackson's bedroom..?

10 comments:

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Gledwood! Man, a foot fungus post...what is up?

Does it actually grow on your foot like a mushroom? I don't know why I want to know, but I do...

Sweden said...

LOl yeah WTF

oh HI reeny!!!!

Baino said...

Fusspilz . . haha . . perfect description. Dont scratch! It's a death cap mushy, not so nice for eating and I think we'll find a few juicy snippets revealed about Mr Jackson's boudoir!

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

@ Baino: That is the worst phrase I have ever heard lol! 'Death cap muchy, not so nice for eating'

No mushrooms in my salad tonight! lol.

Jeannie said...

It's gotta be foot fungus - not mushrooms!

I think that doctor of Michael Jackson's should lose his license.

Sweden said...

i had atheletes foot once and my doctor gave me some cream and it went away.

also christiane F is an excellent movie i saw it like 10 years ago and its well i already said awesome right lol

hope all is well with u gledwood
ps thanks for following me im not as lonely now

Puss-in-Boots said...

Foot fungus...that's a new way of describing athlete's foot, I guess. I dunno, I've never had it so have no idea what it is.

Nothing surprises me about Michael Jackson. I hope he's happy now, although enormously talented, he wasn't a contented soul.

Gledwood said...

Reeny: no! Just makes them horrible and scabby and smelly. Yuck!¬!

Katrina: a lot of it went away within 24 hours which I thought pretty amazing

Baino: I think I'm meant to wash my feet in boiling water. Sorry my SOCKS I meant... erk

Yes it was indeed a death cap mushrooms. Some writer chap got poisoned only last summer and ended up on a renal unit after cooking up those in a stew (idiot!) soon as I heard references to livers and kidneys I knew what he had eaten, cause when I was a kid I had thoughts of KILLING MY STEPDAD with those ~ haha!!

Jeannie: that's right, but there's only one word for the 2 "phenomena"

Pussinboots: it afflicts boys more than girls because boys sweat more and are more gross. In severe cases, according to the leaflet, it cracks into yellow-pus-running fissures!!

MJ yes nothing, he was a genuine nutter. And hypocrite! In that film moonwalker the not very imaginatively named baddy "Mr Big" wants to poison the children of the world with drugs and threatens the kidnapped girl with a shot of heroin ~ something MJ, so it seems, would have broken his doctor's door down to get hold of!

Anonymous said...

It was extremely interesting for me to read this post. Thanks for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Anonymous said...

Don't stop posting such stories. I like to read blogs like that. Just add some pics :)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood