HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 03, 2009

Fantastic Mr Fox!


(A FURRY FRIDAY ON FRIDAY POST)

AS I MENTIONED IN YESTERDAY's comments, I cannot put out my rubbish
for fear of the local foxes ripping it apart ~ and all manner of telling accoutrements to methadone and heroin taking tumbling across our front yard. I try to fish these out in advance but have not ALWAYS been successful...

I thought North America had far more wildlife than we have here. Everything we get Americans and Canadians have too, only polar bears, raccoons and coyotes in addition... Isn't it true that some towns in the icy north have to shut off major roads because of the polar bear population crossing..?

Our only truly urbanized (nondomesticated) mammal is the FOX. Being omnivores and not averse to carrion (pre-killed meat), they come to towns for the easy pickings from our bins. O yeah! You regularly see foxes trotting down the rd at 4 in the morning with Chinese chicken hotwings in their snouts ~ the thieving swines!

Foxes are of course related to dogs, but unlike doggies, these clever creatures dig huge holes with tunnels and nest chambers and sleep safely underground all day, only venturing out in the depths of night when most human beings are either asleep or too oblivious to care. Here's a fox hole:



Foxes are well known for being sneaky and sly:



If you have bins for rifling they will rifle them. Or pinch any food they can get their nose round:



And can end up in some surprising places:



Foxes can show surprising initiative when a potential dinner's involved. Look at this swine, tugging its way in to that lopsy-eared bunny!



Occasionally urban foxes can become uncannily tame:



~Baby foxes look just like Porkshire terriers or chihuahuas:

10 comments:

Sweden said...

Gledwood i'll give you $50 if u send over a fox to me i want one to rummage through my garbage or we can trade raccoon for fox????

Gledwood said...

OK ~ but won't that cost about $1000 trapping fee, caging, immunizations, quarantine, not to mention "shipping & handling"..!

Rita said...

I enjoyed the fox pictures - thank you :) And baby foxes, too, wow!

Gledwood said...

Are they as rampant in Finland as here? They're everywhere!!

Baino said...

They're feral here and were introduced by the colonists for pleasure hunting. $2 a pelt! I often see one cruising up the driveway but they drive my dog crazy. they must smell weird because she has quite a different bark when a fox is around! So, cute though.

Gledwood said...

Fox diarrhoea absolutely reeks. And it's all oily and near-impossible to get rid of without double-washing at high temperature.
But they do look furry (if sly...)

Actually they remind me of a redhaired sly person I used to know when I was younger...

Rita said...

I have seen only one fox in Finland - through a car window, running in a field. I know we have them, but I think they stay mainly in woods and forests. A beautiful creature which I prefer admiring from afar :)

Bimbimbie said...

Have to admire their intellect and beauty. I think one might have got into my neighbour's hen house the other week - should have heard the screams from their little kid that morning :(

Gledwood said...

Rita: only ever seen one? Finland must be a rubbish-free country! Then again you are right next to/in the corner of Scandinavia... is Finland Scandinavian or not? I never knew. I just know the language is "Uralic" or something and totally un-Scandinavian. Plus that Finland has some of the most amazing lakeland scenery in all Europe. Actually I would love to go during the allnight sun... I was going to say to see the aurora Bs but that would be kind of difficult then...
;->...

Bimbimbie: bloody hell!

Ezo said...

美しい生き物!I wish we had more foxes and other wildlife where I live! In my area the only "wildlife" you can find is a couple stray cats (Who all mostly have homes), birds, rarely leash-less dogs (not strays) , and it's a very rare site to see a mouse,rat,frog, squirrel, or possum.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood